


Tempo

by pokemyeon



Category: EXO (Band), Tempo - EXO (Music Video)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Past Character Death, Street Racing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 62,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25859407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokemyeon/pseuds/pokemyeon
Summary: Byun Baekhyun is the greatest racer Seoul has ever seen.And Park Chanyeol? He's even better.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 59
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk how ao3 works soz what the fuck is an html how do i add multiple chapters whaaaat. bare with me please
> 
> I know next to nothing about motorcycles and racing but i thought it was a cool idea so I'm winging it
> 
> every ship will get their time don't worry just stay tuned
> 
> Don't mind the basic title I'm not that imaginative
> 
> umm if there's any grammatical errors lmk I'm blind and illiterate
> 
> & leave your thoughts and comments I'd really appreciate those, makes me feel like my work was seen yknow. i wanna engage w the readers and know what things I did right or wrong so don't refrain from either?
> 
> and thanks to chlo for motivating me to finally finish this I guess... jk love u i wouldn't have finished this so quickly if it weren't for u

Speed. His firm grip on the steering wheel. The scorching sun beating down on his back, heating up his black leather jacket and illuminating the light grey ‘04’. The all-too-familiar desert route, worn out from the relentless drill of the tires. The clouds of sand around him. Sweat dripping down his jaw, his hair sticking to his forehead under the helmet. The intoxicating smell of kerosene. Breaking the wind. Speed.

Byun Baekhyun couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend his morning. He was doing what he loved most, what he was best at – what he was the best at. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind of him being number one. After all, it wasn’t for no reason he was dubbed the king of the street.

He stepped onto the pedal of the motorcycle with more force, leaning forward. The sound of the motor being pushed to its limit was a familiar and comforting chant, filling Baekhyun with excitement and comfort. There was an odd stutter that time, though. Something wasn’t right. It might’ve fallen on deaf ears to a less experienced driver, but Baekhyun could tell that, as subtle as the change was, it didn’t sound like his Meong. He’d have to check with Seulgi later. That worry was quickly put aside, secondary to the situation at hand. Baekhyun could see a dark figure in the rear-view mirror, behind all of the dust clouds, far away. Baekhyun smirked, feeling his confidence boost. Jongin was doing better than last time, but he still had a long way to go to surpass Baekhyun.

He was quickly nearing the Arch. Turning that curve was muscle memory at that point. Baekhyun could easily pass through the giant rocky gate if he was sitting backwards on his bike with his eyes closed. No one curved like Baekhyun. He’s heard critics call them nearly perfect. Baekhyun would argue that they were perfect. He sped up as he got closer to the Arch. He passed through it in milliseconds. The adrenaline he got from his bike leaning sideways was unmatched. Baekhyun had tried many drugs, but none of them gave him the same thrill as defying gravity. He’d sometimes get so close to the ground, he’d consider getting scared. But Byun Baekhyun never got scared.

In the distance ahead of him, Baekhyun could see his goal. He felt the tips of his fingers tingle under his gloves as he stretched them around the handle. No matter how many times he raced and won, the excitement he got right before crossing the finish line first never changed. Even if this was only a training session. It didn’t really matter to Baekhyun. A victory was a victory. Junmyeon kept telling him to work on his sportsmanship. (Baekhyun kept telling him to fuck off.)

And he would win again in five, four, three...

A loud screech filled the air once Baekhyun hit the brakes, making a u-turn. He was a few meters away from Junmyeon, who was leaned over the hub of his Jeep and still observing Jongin through a pair of binoculars. It wasn’t the most ideal way of observing the two racers, but they had to manage somehow. Only rich, professional racers had the luxury of training in actual arenas, with cameras in almost all angles.

Baekhyun took his helmet off, gasping as soon as the sun hit his face. He was panting, feeling hot under all of those clothes. (The things he put up with to stay stylish.) He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his arm. A few seconds later, Jongin joined them, stopping just next to Baekhyun. 

Junmyeon walked over to the two of them, with his binoculars hanging around his neck and a stopwatch held tightly in his left hand. His right hand was shoved into the pocket of his jacket. Baekhyun rolled his eyes and looked to the side, squinting at some random point in the distance. “Great,” he muttered, almost inaudibly. That was Junmyeon’s ‘I-am-a-nitpicky-bastard’ strut – or so Baekhyun called it. 

Baekhyun sighed and started playing with the helmet in his hands, waiting oh-so-patiently to get scolded. “You both did well. Jongin, this was your fastest lap around the desert yet.” Baekhyun bit the inside of his cheek, satisfaction building inside of him, his eyes glued to his helmet. Jongin at his best still didn’t come close to him.

At the mention of his name, Jongin hopped a little. His dusty blonde hair jumped with him. If Baekhyun was ever jealous of Jongin, it was of how unfairly good he looked in a mullet. Baekhyun didn’t have the courage to try anything outrageous with his own hair. Jongin had many other things going for him too, physically – he was lean and muscular, he was good-looking, he was tall. Baekhyun never cared much for his height, but it was still something he’d get bitter over from time to time. It was funny how things turned out, though. Despite all of that, Jongin was the one who lacked confidence between the two. “Really?”

‘’Yeah,” Junmyeon replied, and showed him the stopwatch as proof. “See? Six minutes and twenty two seconds.” He let Jongin hold it for a bit, smiling at the boy’s joyful reaction. Jongin was the youngest of the three, so the other two treated him like their little brother, a baby they had to protect and look after. Even though Jongin looked the most intimidating, he wasn’t in the slightest. “Great job, really. It was also one of your smoother rides, as far as I could tell.”

Baekhyun felt proud. As Jongin’s co-teacher and rival of sorts, he was glad to see him improve by the day. No matter how good of a racer Baekhyun was, his team should at least be able to keep up. “But, you decelerate too much when approaching a curve.” Junmyeon took the stopwatch back and put it in his pocket. “You lose a lot of time there. Don’t be so afraid next time, okay? Trust your bike, and trust yourself.” Jongin nodded. Baekhyun had to suppress a laugh. Junmyeon could get so corny during his inspirational speeches.

Junmyeon then turned to Baekhyun, approaching him with caution. Baekhyun stopped tossing the helmet. He straightened his back and leaned his head backwards, maintaining eye contact with Junmyeon. Junmyeon didn’t look amused. Baekhyun quirked an eyebrow, a sly smile on his lips. “Yes?”

“Don’t lean so much when curving.” His voice was stern. Baekhyun scoffed, looking away. He fixated his eyes on the Arch. It looked gigantic, even at such a distance. That part of the desert was actually a really spacious canyon of some sort. Baekhyun didn’t bother to learn the exact terminology. It was convenient for their morning rides, the ground was mostly flat, save the few boulders and plants, and it had borders which was convenient. It was easy to follow their progress in such conditions. The Arch was giant rocky formation that resembled a gate. Baekhyun was only ever near it for a few seconds while on his bike. He couldn’t begin to imagine how small he would feel if he was actually standing under it, taking the time to admire its size, admire what nature was capable of. Far more than a miserable human like him. “Baekhyun, stop acting like a child. Don’t ignore me.” Junmyeon put his scolding voice on, snapped his fingers. Baekhyun grimaced.

“Hm? Sorry?” Baekhyun fluttered his eyelashes, putting on his most innocent, shit eating grin. 

“Baekhyun, I’m serious. It’s dangerous,” Junmyeon said, pointing a finger at him. “You can’t play with stuff like that.”

“Hey, where’s my compliment sandwich?” Baekhyun laughed lightly, enjoying the look on Junmyeon’s face. “You gotta prepare me for it! What happened to the whole ‘Trust your bike, trust yourself’ schtick?” He mimicked Junmyeon, knowing exactly what buttons to push to irritate him into dropping whatever speech he had prepared.

“Baekhyun, first of all, I wouldn’t advise anyone, not even yourself, to trust you.” Baekhyun smiled, and even Jongin suppressed a laugh. Jongin, who hated it when his big brothers argued. “Second, I’m not boosting your ego by telling you stuff you already know. I want you to get even better than you are.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. He looked back down on his helmet. “Please...” Baekhyun said. He looked up to meet eyes with Junmyeon again. “My curving is great. It’s my trademark.” Baekhyun was the one who was starting to feel irritated now. “And no one has an issue with it. You just want to lame me down like Jongin.” (Baekhyun’s eyes flickered towards Jongin for the briefest second, but still managed to catch him frown. Baekhyun pretended it didn’t happen.)

“No, what I want is for you to stop doing reckless shit that’s sure to get you killed someday.” Baekhyun felt a sting in his chest. The way Junmyeon emphasised that word... He looked down again, frowning, the tone shifting too suddenly. He knew he’d crossed a line as soon as Junmyeon started talking like that. Shit. He never knew when to stop.

Junmyeon backed away. There was tension in the air, all three of them remembering things they wished could be forgotten forever. Junmyeon breathed out, a bit shaky, nodded, knew he got most of his authority back. “Also, you brake like a Copper League runner-up.” He smiled, and Baekhyun chuckled at the sudden light-hearted comment. Baekhyun’s only issue, apart from chasing adrenaline by pulling dangerous stunts, was braking. He was too hasty, too immersed in the speed to remember to hit the brakes on time. Baekhyun nodded, the insult taking a toll on his pride. Copper league... As if a toddler on a tricycle couldn’t out-speed that sad bunch.

Baekhyun suddenly remembered. “Oh, Jun, I want to stop by Seulgi on the way back. Just to make sure about something.” He patted his motorcycle. His dear Meongie. He hoped it was a wrong hunch. But Baekhyun was, sadly, rarely ever wrong.

Junmyeon nodded, putting his hands on his hips. Baekhyun couldn’t believe how someone without children could look and act like such a parent. Not that Baekhyun knew much about parents. He was just assuming. “Yeah, alright. I was planning on going there too, anyway. Check my leg with Soo, and everything.” He wiggled his left foot in the air. Baekhyun shook his head, smiling at the ground. He still felt bad for making Junmyeon say things like that – as bad as Baekhyun was able to feel, anyway. It also made him angry, just a tiny bit. How could it even cross Junmyeon’s mind that Baekhyun could ever fall off his bike? There was absolutely no reason for Junmyeon to worry about him. Baekhyun was a near perfect cyclist. Junmyeon just couldn’t see that.

Junmyeon walked back to his car, a dark green Jeep with a removable roof. Baekhyun sometimes wished Junmyeon didn’t ride in that embarrassing four-wheeler. Cars went out of fashion ages ago. Baekhyun understood, though. He’d never think of actually suggesting Junmyeon to get back on a motorcycle, nor would he bring anything related to that subject up, ever. Baekhyun had to admit that even he second-guessed getting on his bike on the rare occasion. More so from the guilt he got knowing that he could still bring himself to ride it, than out of fear.

“I have some other plans, so,” Jongin finally voiced himself. Baekhyun shook his head. Jongin was always so obvious. It was cute. “So... I won’t be coming with.”

“Right...” Baekhyun said, dragging it out. He hopped onto his bike. “You say hi to Taemin for us, okay?”

Jongin narrowed his eyes.

\---

Seulgi and Kyungsoo were an odd pair. Baekhyun wasn’t sure if he remembered how the two of them met. He might have never even heard the story, considering how little Kyungsoo wanted to do with him and how easily distracted Seulgi was. But as odd as they were – an optimistic, bubbly auto-mechanic with a sharp tongue and a quiet, cynical, easily flustered med school dropout – Baekhyun quite liked them together. 

They worked together in a garage just outside the city’s centre, in one of those dark and littered alleys only rats and tramps visited. And, well, Baekhyun as well. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. The garage was nice though. It was painted a bright orange colour on the outside, although a bit worn out from the occasional rain. It was a drastic contrast to the dark walls that surrounded it, but then again, it wasn’t like anyone could see it. Seulgi took good care of it, having it repainted every so often. They tried to keep the entrance as clean as possible too. The name of the workshop was written on a neon sign that gave even more colour to the depressing area. The pink and green lights reflected on the puddles Baekhyun took great care not to step on, as he wasn’t sure if it was actually rain water. The recent weather was pretty dry to his knowledge. He grimaced at the conclusion.

Seulgi’s workshop was one of Baekhyun’s favourite places. The tool shelves were packed full from top to bottom (he wondered how she managed to find the things she needed in that mess), the walls were hidden behind posters of famous motorcycles and cyclists and framed news articles on important races. Most of those were the ones Seulgi’s father had participated in. She even kept some of his accolades and trophies in the workshop. It was sweet, how she commemorated the person that inspired her. Baekhyun felt a weird tug in his chest when he wondered whether or not he’d be immortalised in such a way too.

There was an empty square on one of the walls. On one occasion, Baekhyun had asked what she was saving it for. Seulgi shrugged and answered that it wasn’t for anything specific, she just didn’t have any more things to hang. 

Baekhyun had then approached it, knocking the cold gray wall with his knuckles. “That’s where you’re gonna put the article for when they proclaim me as the number one racer.”

Seulgi had laughed at that, but she didn’t cover the space up with anything since then. Baekhyun would smile fondly every time he caught glimpse of it.

“I’m assuming you didn’t come to pay for our last appointment?” Seulgi had her hands on her hips. Her ponytail bounced as she tilted her head sideways. She had some oil smudges on her cheek. Baekhyun smiled sheepishly.

“Put it on my tab?” he said, raising his shoulders. Seulgi shook her head fondly. “Work just hasn’t been paying that well, and rent was due...”

Junmyeon, sat on one of the wooden tables near them, cut him off. “That’s okay, Baek, I’ll pay for whatever is necessary.” Baekhyun glared at him, but was secretly thankful for his proposal. Still, his pride wouldn’t let him accept it.

Junmyeon’s legs were dangling off the sides of the table, his hands rested in his lap. Baekhyun had to admit that he looked cute sometimes. When he wasn’t a proper parent, that is. Kyungsoo was kneeling in front of him, prepping his tools. Junmyeon’s left shoe was off and his trouser leg was lifted, making his mechanical leg visible.

It really was one of the most amazing things Baekhyun had the opportunity to see. A lot of work came into making Junmyeon’s leg. Baekhyun couldn’t remember exactly how it was done, as it needed a lot of knowledge in the fields of engineering and medicine, so he would involuntarily zone out whenever Seulgi started to explain. He knew that they had to mess with Junmyeon’s nervous system just so he could actually use the leg, had to get the weight and length of it right. It took well over a year for Junmyeon to stand on two feet again, and although two years had passed since then, it still wasn’t perfect. Junmyeon often came back so Seulgi could add certain modifications. Baekhyun wouldn’t have been able to survive the mental and physical torture of the whole ordeal. There was a lot of waiting, trying and failing, and a shit load of pain. Junmyeon was strong, though. Baekhyun never saw him show his struggle.

“The ankle just feels a bit weird when I take a step,” Junmyeon started to explain. Kyungsoo hummed, wiping his wrench. Junmyeon was looking at the ceiling. “Like it’s heavy yet weak at the same time.”

“It might just be a loose screw,’ Kyungsoo said, looking up at Junmyeon. He was wearing thick, black round glasses. Baekhyun thought it made him look like a real doctor. “I’ll tighten it, and if it continues feeling wrong, we’ll have to do a... Well, a longer procedure.”

Junmyeon nodded, his eyes widening slightly. He took a deep breath. “Alright, let’s hope it doesn’t get to that.” He laughed, looking at Baekhyun. Baekhyun looked back at him, raising his fists to wish him good luck. 

A thought crossed his mind just then.

“Say, Seulgi,” he started, leaning onto a nearby wall. She looked at him expectantly. He crossed his arms. “There’s a friend who’s expressed interest in you.” He tried not to make his glance towards Kyungsoo obvious, who tensed up after hearing those words. Baekhyun swallowed a smile.

“Interest... In me?” Seulgi looked surprised, sounded unconvinced. Kyungsoo now had his head turned towards them. Oh, this was going to be good.

“Yeah!” Baekhyun smiled, and Seulgi turned to the other two and laughed, obviously a bit shy. She crossed her arms.

“Does this friend have a name?”

“Ah,” Baekhyun chuckled. “It’s really not my place to say. But, there is a party you can come to that’s –“

“Ow! Kyungsoo!” 

Seulgi recoiled at the shout. The two of them looked over at Junmyeon and Kyungsoo.

“That’s too tight!” Junmyeon’s face was red and he looked like he was holding in another yelp. Kyungsoo was a mess in front of him and kept repeating apologies. Baekhyun laughed into his hand as Kyungsoo loosened the screw. Seulgi looked worried. 

“As I was saying...” Baekhyun continued. “There’s a party tonight. At Desert Fox. You’re invited. You too Kyungsoo!”

Seulgi beamed. “Oh! Kyungsoo, we should go!” Kyungsoo only grunted a small sure in response. Seulgi was smiling widely. Baekhyun couldn’t remember if he’d ever invited them to a party. He wasn’t sure why that was the case. “What did you come here for, Baekhyun?”

“Oh, right.” Baekhyun shifted from one foot to another. He gestured with his thumb to the outside, where he had Meong parked. “My bike feels a bit off. But I can’t explain what it is exactly.” He shrugged, trying not to sound nervous. “Just wanted to put my mind at ease, that’s all.”

Seulgi nodded. “Alright, bring her in. Oh, also-” Baekhyun, about to exit through the door, turned to her. She continued. “I’ve got two bikes for check-up today, and they’re coming back later this afternoon, so I don’t think I’ll have time to finish yours today.”

Baekhyun tilted his head. “You got new customers?” He didn’t want to sound jealous, but Seulgi was sort of an undiscovered gem he still wanted to keep to himself. He hadn’t met with a mechanic that connected with him or the bikes as much as her, but now with her attention being so divided...

Baekhyun blinked rapidly to keep such thoughts away. Seulgi beamed once more, clasping her hands together. “Yeah! They’re racers from out of town, I think Daegu?” She put her finger to her face while thinking. “I don’t quite remember... But they’re really cool! They told me they were the top two racers there. Maybe you could get along.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, right.” Daegu racers... Coming to Seoul thinking they’re some big shots because they outsped whatever excuse of a motorcyclist raced there. “We’ll see.” Sure they will. If Baekhyun ever got the opportunity, he’d show them what a real racer was. Seoul wasn’t a place for people like them.

Baekhyun started missing Meong the second he stepped outside. He had no idea how else to travel the city but on the back of his bike. Meong was the best bike he’s ever owned. She wasn’t his first, and he’d tried riding others, but none came close to his precious Meongie. Seulgi told him that the attitude a rider had towards their bike had a big part in the overall performance, not just the bike itself. Baekhyun wasn’t sure how true that was, though – it might have been, but Meong wasn’t good because he loved her so much. Baekhyun loved Meong so much because she was good. The best, even. He was willing to bet on that.

The bike wasn’t originally Baekhyun’s. It sat, barely used, in Minho's chaotic garage until Baekhyun came along and claimed her. It was insane, he thought, how Minho was fine with letting her rot like that. Minho just said she wasn’t right for him, spewed some “the bike has to choose the biker, too” nonsense. Excuses. He was probably just too lazy to ever get her properly fixed.

Baekhyun stepped into the puddle of the previously unidentified liquid (he chose not to identify it further, for his own sanity) and shook his head. Minho...

The sound of Junmyeon’s car-keys joined the chorus of the busy streets around them. He was dangling them in air, motioning for Baekhyun to come closer. “Baek, you need a lift?”

Yes, he needed one. Baekhyun's eyes travelled to the machine next to his friend. He needed a ride... Just, not in that. He scrunched his nose and looked to the side, outside the alley, to the colourful cars racing from one side to the other. He let a few beats pass. It’s not like he had any other choice.

“...Baek?”

“Yeah, sure,” Baekhyun answered, begrudgingly. He walked over to the car door, pulling his legs with him, hands stuffed in pockets, head hung low. He pulled the handle before Junmyeon even unlocked the door. Baekhyun got a look of warning and a 'tsk' for being so impatient. He didn’t really care. At the sound of the car unlocking, he aggressively opened the door and threw himself into the passenger seat.

Thinking about his actions, Baekhyun wasn’t sure why he did all of that. It was the kind of thing that made sense in the moment. But it was way more embarrassing to suddenly act a different way because of regret. He sunk lower into the seat. 

“Put on your seatbelt,” Junmyeon said. Baekhyun rolled his eyes, but did as told. He didn’t want another long lesson on car safety.

Cars were not Baekhyun’s favourite thing. He simply didn’t get them – why would anyone want to ride around in a box? It was so limiting. Claustrophobic. He felt free on a motorcycle, but trapped in a car. He looked at Junmyeon, how firm his grip on the steering wheel was, how focused he was on the road ahead. Baekhyun leaned his head on the window. The dusty, yellow window that made the outside look so far away. He hoped no one could see him on the inside. He sighed, deeply, audibly.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Junmyeon said. That was easy for him to say, Baekhyun thought. Junmyeon loved cars. At least, now he die. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“It's embarassing,” Baekhyun deadpanned. Junmyeon breathed through his nose. Baekhyun tried getting comfortable in his own seat. He wondered how anyone was supposed to ride in a car if their legs couldn’t fit under the dashboard. His head would hop and hit the window repeatedly as Junmyeon drove over little bumps in the road. Yes, cars were very much one of Baekhyun’s least favourite things. 

The song on the radio filled the silence. It was an older tune with a prominent acoustic guitar. At least it’s what Baekhyun assumed, as he didn’t recognise it. He wasn’t much into music, not anymore. He knew how to play the piano, learned it as a child, but he didn’t have one anymore. He only ever listened to the songs Junmyeon would play on the radio or the things he’d hear in nightclubs. He wasn’t sure why that was the case. Baekhyun remembered loving music, it was what motivated him to put the old piano at the orphanage to use. Things change. He left it at that.

Junmyeon took a turn at the 7th, to avoid the busy centre. No matter how wide the central streets were, at that time they were always packed with cars, and although the road they were taking now was longer in length, they’d still arrive at Baekhyun’s apartment quicker. Seoul was full of smaller streets like that, shortcuts in between the tall buildings with which Baekhyun familiarised himself with over time. He could probably come up with thirty different ways to go from point A to point B, and decide the fastest route by taking into account the length, the different rush hours, the season... 

It was a different story at night, though. Motorcycles ruled during the dark. The gangs would come out, races would take place. Especially in a city like Seoul, with a prominent biker culture. There was a sort of deal with the city officials, as the midnight races brought a lot of attention and a lot of money. A certain percentage went to them if they kept most of the streets closed off from regular citizens. It wasn’t like they had anywhere to go, and they could always take the metro, or the high buses. Baekhyun waited rather impatiently for the night to come. That was when he felt the most free. It was the only time Seoul felt like home.

They stopped at a stoplight. Baekhyun was getting bored. Junmyeon wasn’t talking, Baekhyun didn’t dare speak up, and the music on the radio wasn’t doing much for him. The outside wasn’t even that pretty in that area, although he wasn’t fond of the city architecture in general. He wasn’t surrounded by tall buildings growing up, so that scenery seemed rather bleak and uninteresting. All in dark colours and similar to each other, in contrast to the colourful little houses with green backyards Baekhyun grew up around. Even though they were made of weaker material and the neighbourhood wasn’t in the best conditions. It was still... Nice. Comparing things like that made him wonder why he ever left that place.

But then, he'd feel the handles in his hands and the sound of the engine shoot through him, and he’d remember why. It was worth it. 

There was a sudden loud noise, an engine starting up. Baekhyun looked outside Junmyeon's window and saw quite the modern car, blue metallic, with a bunch of useless upgrades that served no purpose but to look cool. He huffed, and Junmyeon scrunched his nose. The guys inside that other car were obviously taunting them, making fun of the oldie they were riding in. And, as much as Baekhyun hated cars, he still felt hurt.

Much to his surprise, Junmyeon answered to their teases by firing up his own engine. Baekhyun stared at him with wide eyes. The guys in the other car went wild, their laughs clear and loud. Junmyeon looked over at him and Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. What the hell was Junmyeon thinking with this? He winked and then his eyes were back on the road.

Baekhyun could see Junmyeon’s leg nervously jump as they waited for the light to turn green. Baekhyun sat back into his seat and looked at the stoplight. It was red. Red... Yellow. Baekhyun felt his body go cold. Both cars started their engines. Still yellow. Baekhyun closed his eyes, took in a deep breath. And then he felt the car give chase.

It was neck to neck from the start. Baekhyun held the door handle tightly, too scared to let go. He feared the car would fall apart at such high speed. But Junmyeon didn’t seem worried. He was insane. Baekhyun felt like this was his punishment for being moody. He shut his eyes again and promised the universe that, if he survived this, he’d never have an attitude ever again.

The streets were so far empty, save for them. Baekhyun was imploding. Racing on a motorcycle was one thing. Racing in a dirty rattletrap against a machine like that was another, especially since he wasn’t the one behind the wheel and had no idea what was going through the driver’s mind. Junmyeon slowed their car down just enough so their rival could take the lead. Baekhyun looked over at him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Baekhyun managed to seethe through his teeth. 

Junmyeon took in a breath. “I’m letting them think they’re going to win.” 

“Not that!” Baekhyun was on the edge of his seat. “What are you thinking racing with these guys?”

Junmyeon shrugged and let out a little laugh. Upon closer inspection, he seemed nervous. He answered a bit absently, “I honestly have no idea.”

He laughed again while Baekhyun just stared. “Don’t worry,” he said, patting his thigh. Baekhyun didn’t trust his tone. “Just... Don’t look ahead.” Baekhyun sat back into the seat and almost fainted when he saw a line of cars in front of them. Right. There was major traffic jam on the 11th Street on Fridays. How the fuck were they going to get out of that? Junmyeon did know these streets and its users longer than he did, but Baekhyun couldn’t possibly imagine a way out, not with that car.

Their opponent seemed to have gotten scared as well, but they still weren’t slowing down. Junmyeon stepped onto the pedal and caught up to them, making Baekhyun question how that car could so fast. Junmyeon never mentioned anything about an outstanding engine – why would he keep something like that a secret? The guys in the other car looked at them through the windows as if they were out of their minds. And we are, Baekhyun thought. Well, Junmyeon was.

Seeing the confused looks on their opponents' faces eased Baekhyun’s fear a bit. He flipped them off. Huh. Maybe he was enjoying this a little bit. Junmyeon was never this loose when it came to racing – not anymore, at least. It might be the last time Baekhyun was going to have have this much fun in a car. Either because of Junmyeon’s attitude towards driving at such high speed, or because they’d be dead by the end of this. And if Baekhyun could choose how to go, he’d pick to go this way, racing. (Though, preferably, he’d be the one driving. But, details, details.) He thought of how they made fun of Junymeon's car at the stoplight, and how embarrassing it would be if they were to lose to that piece of trash. “Junmyeon.” His tone was neutral. “Make them cry.” 

Junmyeon sucked in a breath and raised his shoulders. The two cars were changing their positions quickly, approaching the traffic jam in front fast. The closer they got the harder Baekhyun gnawed on his bottom lip. The car beside them hit the breaks hard, but Junmyeon continued driving, eyebrows furrowed more than ever before. Baekhyun had no idea what he had planned. He wasn’t even sure if he should be trusting Junmyeon with this. But if these were his last moments, he didn’t want to spend them being a little bitch.

He wasn’t sure how Junmyeon managed the following maneuver. There was a red car in front of them. Junmyeon hit the breaks, then went around a car in the lane to the left of them before sliding in front of the red car, only barely escaping collision. It was by chance and pure luck that the red car had enough room in front of it. The cars in the front weren’t moving, so they’ve found themselves in the middle of traffic jam. People were beeping and yelling at them, but Baekhyun could barely hear them over the sound of his heartbeat. He looked over at Junmyeon and they just started at each other for a few seconds. Then he broke into a laugh.

“That was fucking-,” Baekhyun heaved and then yelled. He punched Junmyeon in the arm. “You still got it in you, you sick son of a bitch!” He threw himself back into his seat and continued to laugh, then unbuckled his seatbelt. He rolled down his window fully and crawled halfway out. After locating the metallic blue car, he clamped his hands over his mouth and shouted.

“Suck our cocks, fuckers!” He was met with even more beeps this time, so Junmyeon pulled him back inside by his jacket. Baekhyun heard him mumble a what the fuck did I just do under his breath, but he chose not to bring it up.

Junmyeon opened a pocket and took out a cigarette package. His hands were shaking. He put one in his mouth before offering Baekhyun some. Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “What about your no smoking in the car rule?”

“Shut up,” Junmyeon said and started to retract his offer, but Baekhyun quickly grabbed one cigarette before it was too late. Junmyeon shook his head and took out a lighter. “And put your seatbelt on.”

“We’re not even moving,” Baekhyun tried to protest, but Junmyeon gave him a look he couldn’t disobey. His car, his rules. They rolled the windows down a bit so smoke could go out, but not enough, so after a few minutes everything around them looked slightly faded.

Junmyeon took in a deep breath, and Baekhyun feared he was going to start one of his regretful and depressive monologues. So the following question surprised him, “Who’s this friend interested in Seulgi?”

Baekhyun stared for a few moments before grinning. He looked down at his feet. “No one.” He took in another whim of his almost finished cigarette. He needed a new one. “I made him up. I wanted to tease Kyungsoo.”

“Ah.” Junmyeon nodded. “Won’t Seulgi be disappointed, though?”

Baekhyun hadn’t tought of that. He felt a tiny ping of regret. “We’ll just get Kyungsoo to ask her out before she has the chance to ask.” He shrugged and made a few smoke rings. “I can tell her he isn’t here tonight or something. I don’t know... Way to ruin a joke, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon chuckled dryly and drove the car a bit forward. Baekhyun suspected this would be a long drive. Junmyeon was already on his second cigarette, and he wasn’t nearly as shaky or distraught as a few minutes ago. Fearing an awkward silence, for it may bring the aforementioned long monologue, Baekhyun continued to talk. “While we’re on the topic... Jongin and Taemin?” Junmyeon laughed at the mention of their names.

“I know we tease him about it, but I doubt there’s anything between them,” Junmyeon admitted. Baekhyun was surprised. But, upon deeper thought, Taemin wasn’t known as someone who did relationships. He had a few girls he’d occasionally bring to parties or sleep with, but those were more like... Acquaintances with benefits kinds of relationships. Baekhyun found it a bit gross, how he had a roster of girls he’d call up whenever he got lonely. Baekhyun never did the same girl twice – it just felt wrong. But, if it worked for them...

“Poor Jongin,” Baekhyun added, absentmindedly, as he took another cigarette out of the package. “What about you?”

“Me?” Junmyeon laughed. He stared at the steering wheel for a moment. “No, I’m not... Not in the right place for that right now.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “You’ve been saying that since- for the past three years, Junmyeon. You haven’t even gotten laid in that period.” Junmyeon was about to argue against that, but he was aware that Baekhyun knew. He wasn’t stupid. “And– don’t take this the wrong way, but you seriously need to get laid.”

Junmyeon just scoffed. “It’s not like you’re doing any better,” he said.

“I have sex.” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon scoffed again. “But you haven’t connected with anyone new, either. Not even as friends.” 

Baekhyun suddenly felt insulted. He didn’t like where the conversation went. “Let’s change the subject.” Because, what did Junmyeon know, really? He didn’t know what it was like for Baekhyun. He wasn’t even sane enough to make a valid assumption, given his outbreak at the past stoplight. Baekhyun had no problems. Junmyeon was just projecting.

Baekhyun couldn't wait to get out of that God forsaken car.

\---

Jongin still wasn’t at their apartment when Baekhyun finally arrived. He checked his pager for any messages, but there were none. Baekhyun put it back into his pocket and unlocked the door. If Jongin didn’t care enough to let him know where he was, then Baekhyun didn’t care enough to ask.

Their apartment was fine. It wasn’t Baekhyun’s favourite place of residence, but they had separate rooms and that was something. It was pretty dark inside since there were only two windows in the entire living room, and the sun only reached them in late afternoon. It was alright, though. Baekhyun preferred the dark anyway. He threw his jacket on the couch before lying down on it. Baekhyun made a mental note to clean it up before Jongin came home and had the chance to say how he was the “only one who kept the place in order”. Which, while true, Baekhyun did not want to hear that day.

He flipped through some channels on the TV out of boredom, but nothing interested him enough. He just let a random news channel play while he lay on the couch, staring at the white ceiling. He checked his wristwatch – he still had a bit time before he had to leave for the party.

After a few minutes that felt like hours, Baekhyun decided that sleeping in his bed might be more comfortable. 

His room was the smallest one in the apartment, but he didn’t really care. All he did need was a bed, which fit perfectly, so he had no complaints. It was devoid of any trinkets and decoration, as he was never the one to keep memories in a material form. It was a waste of space, and only collected dust. Which wasn’t the opinion Jongin had – Jongin, with his walls full of photos from vacations or random outings that Baekhyun wouldn’t have called special, shelves packed with little memories, refrigerator full of magnets... For someone who liked a house in order, Jongin sure did like to keep a lot of stuff. 

The bed was more comfortable than the couch. It was worth the walk. Baekhyun took his watch off and opened the drawer of his bedside table to put it inside. 

The one memory he did keep was inside – the first photo he took in the city. It was a bit worn-out and yellow, since Baekhyun never put it in a frame. He’d considered it, but he kept forgetting. He took it out to look at it, for some unexplainable reason. It was taken two weeks after he’d come to Seoul, some eight years before, in the diner Junmyeon still worked in today. The five of them were all there, sat around a table. Baekhyun couldn’t remember who took the photo – maybe a colleague of Junmyeon’s. It didn’t really matter. Looking at it, Baekhyun was hit with overwhelming nostalgia. Something about remembering the days he was still inexperienced, in an unknown place, adopted into a group of people who’ve accepted him so quickly...

Baekhyun shoved the photo back into the drawer and tried not to think about anything related to it.

After waking up from his nap, Baekhyun contemplated not going to the party that night after all. He was about to let Junmyeon know he’d stay at home when he was struck with the realisation that staying at home meant staying with his thoughts alone. He’d be going to the party in the end.

Jongin still hadn’t come back, but Baekhyun saw a message saying he’d be at the party. He wondered what Jongin was so busy with.

After eating the only thing left in the fridge – a bowl of macaroni and cheese that he heated up – he got out of the apartment. He sent a message to Jongin, how they should go grocery shopping the next day. Just so he didn’t forget.

He forgot Meong was still at the repair shop. He’d have to walk to the club. He cursed, kicking a pebble off the side of the road. But the Desert Fox wasn’t that far away. And it was no fun to arrive at a party before it even begins, anyway. He comforted himself.

Walking through the city made Baekhyun realise how little time he spent off his bike when he’s outside. And what slow walkers some people are. If he had to go around another couple that was so in love they couldn’t keep their hands off each other for a few seconds, he’d properly lose his mind. The shortcut through the shopping district wasn’t worth losing his patience. He’d think of another way.

The thing about the alleys in Seoul was that they were so alike each other. Baekhyun could barely tell the difference between the street he was currently walking through and the one Seulgi’s workship was in. Both were narrow, wet, stank, rarely full of decent people. The walls were all full of graffiti. But, he had a good sense of direction. He’d be at the Desert Fox in no time.

While making his way through the in-between streets, Baekhyun saw quite a few people sitting in the dirt, in ragged clothing, hair so greasy it stuck to their heads. He ignored them, walking by them without sparing them a glance and trying his hardest not to react to the stench. 

The Desert Fox was a popular club with people who were into the racer subculture, and it became a place most of the popular racers hung out at. The community gathered together most Friday nights, but it was a busy place all week long. Baekhyun only went for the discounted booze. Large crowds of people weren’t his favourite things on the planet, especially not when said large crowd hated his guts. 

Well, maybe hate was a strong word. But Baekhyun, while popular and one of the fastest racers, wasn’t much liked in the community. It had something to do with his personality, or whatever Junmyeon said. There was a gossip magazine or two dedicated to their scene, and the few times they wrote about Baekhyun, it wasn’t in kind words. It wasn’t like Baekhyun cared much, but he didn’t like feeling unwelcome either. Though, not enough to change his attitude. So, he went to the Desert Fox every Friday for the booze. And to spite everybody there. Because, why not?

The club seemed like a one-story building on the outside. It had a red brick exterior and no windows facing the road. The name was written on a giant neon sign, much like most attractions in the city. Baekhyun approached the grey metal door and entered. He could see the party going on as soon as he entered, but from above, and there were metal stairs in the same colour that led down to where the floor actually was.

The bass was strong and aggressively pumped through Baekhyun’s body. The lightning was dark blue, and no one seemed to look natural. Not to mention the air was stuffy and everybody on the dancefloor was sweaty and halfway drunk. Baekhyun questioned going there every week, regretting it each time he went, and yet, the next time he’d be there too.

“Baekhyun!” he barely heard from the volume of the music. Junmyeon grabbed him by the upper arm as soon as he got close. “I just got here a few minutes ago!”, he yelled into Baekhyun’s ear. 

Next to them was a line of slot machines that was often full. The Desert Fox also dubbed as we sort of casino. It was shady shit Baekhyun didn’t care much for.

“Let’s find the others!” Baekhyun yelled back, and Junmyeon nodded. They pushed their way through the dance floor, trying to make it to the left corner of the club which had giant round tables and places to sit. The lighting there was brighter, more white, probably so poker games could be more convenient. Junmyeon held onto Baekhyun the entire time. 

“Guys! Jun, Baek!” they heard Jongin shout from the direction of the bar. The bar was at the opposite end of the tables. A bit inconvenient. Jongin was carrying three drinks. Baekhyun looked at them and then crooked an eyebrow at him. Jongin gestured to one of the tables with his head. “Taem and I are sitting over there! He’s met these new guys so we’re hanging with them!”

Junmyeon looked at the table quickly and then back at them. “I’ll- I'll go get drinks for Baek and me!” he said, and left without waiting for a response. Baekhyun hoped he’d get his usual right.

Jongin nudged him. “Wanna join?” Baekhyun shrugged and followed him to the table. Once Junmyeon was back he’d go to the bar alone. He didn’t have the will to communicate with new people.

The sitting area was somehow a bit more quiet and they didn’t have to yell each other’s ears off. The vibrations of the bass could still be felt though, climbing their way up Baekhyun’s body from the floor. He noticed Taemin's blonde hair first. “Baek. Hi.” Taemin and him weren’t that close. They were the least close from their little group, actually. Taemin was always closer with Jongin and Minho, even Junmyeon, and Baekhyun had Junmyeon and Minho, and it was hard not to be close with Jongin. It was the other three that always made the attempt to get closer to people – Taemin and Baekhyun were similar in the sense that they weren’t the ones to make the first move in friendships, but that cost them their own relationship. As well as recent events. But they had a healthy rivalry. The two of them were considered to be the top two racers in Seoul, with Taemin being the more generally liked one. He was always a pushover and a whore for positive attention, Baekhyun thought, but never voiced that opinion.

Baekhyun then looked over at the stranger sitting next to Taemin. Black hair that covered his forehead, ears that stuck out from under it, big eyes looking at him curiously. Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows. Taemin motioned to the guy with his glass. “That’s Chanyeol,” he said. Chanyeol stuck his hand out and Baekhyun shook it. It was quite large. Chanyeol just seemed big in general. Baekhyun found it comical.

“Baekhyun,” he muttered, settling for a minimal introduction. If that could he considered one. It looked like Chanyeol recognised the name. Baekhyun smirked. Of course he’s heard of him. Everyone into the biker scene in Seoul knew who Baekhyun was. He was the antichrist they couldn’t get rid of.

“Chanyeol’s from Daegu,” Jongin said, probably to keep the conversation going. His voice was already slurred. He never did take alcohol well. “He was the best racer there three years in a row.”

Baekhyun started to piece things together. Chanyeol showed a crooked smile and started to explain further. “Me and my friend Sehun,–“ he motioned with his hand towards the bar, “We got kind of tired. Daegu became too small for us, I guess. So, here we are.” He laughed, and Baekhyun felt a weird urge in his gut. Like he wanted to punch that smile off Chanyeol’s face or something. He clenched his jaw.

“Yeah, that’s real cute,” he commented, giving them a short, fake laugh. Chanyeol scoffed, but didn’t seem hurt. Baekhyun looked to the side. Taemin and Jongin looked between each other. Baekhyun kept waiting for someone to continue talking, but no one did. “So, Daegu you say. Cute little town.”

Chanyeol stuttered, then smiled. “I wouldn’t call it little, but Seoul is way larger from what I saw.” He stirred his cup in his hands. Baekhyun wondered when Junmyeon was going to come with his drinks.

“Make sure you don’t get lost,” he threw a comment not so well thought out. Chanyeol leaned back in his chair and looked up at Baekhyun, narrowing his eyes and licking his bottom lip.

“So you think you’re better than me, that’s what this is all about,” he said, motioning between the two of them with his index. Baekhyun gulped, then straightened his back.

“I wouldn’t say I think so,” he said, but he was never the kind to let things go so easily. “It’s a valid assumption though, isn’t it?” Oh, Junmyeon was going to kill him.

“Baek,” Jongin tried to intervene, putting a hand on his shoulder. Baekhyun shrugged it off.

Chanyeol exaggerated his nod, raising his eyebrows. Maybe he didn’t expect Baekhyun to be as snarky as he was. He was well prepared for having the last word until Chanyeol said, “Would you want us to... confirm this assumption of yours?” 

Baekhyun wasn’t sure what he was insinuating for a second. But then he realised Chanyeol was talking about a race. He looked at him from under his eye. “I don’t see why not.”

Junmyeon was so going to kill him.

Chanyeol grinned again, his ears pushed back the slightest bit. “Right... So, how about a week from now?” he asked, extending his hand again, this time to shake on a deal. “I mean, we could do it right now, but it’d be rather embarrassing to lose to a guy who’s totally unfamiliar with the streets.”

Baekhyun mouthed a wow. He bit the inside of his cheek, then chuckled. “You’re big on your words, Chanyeol.” He shook his hand, then looked him straight in the eye. He didn’t plan on losing this one. “Deal.”

Junmyeon appeared right at that moment, two drinks in hand. Chanyeol was joined by another tall guy who sat next to him. “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun said, still looking at Chanyeol. He turned to leave. “I’ll fill you in. We’re leaving.”

“But we just-“ Junmyeon tried to argue, but he knew that arguing with Baekhyun was in vain. He groaned and followed him out.

Baekhyun couldn’t wait to put Chanyeol in his place. Seoul was big enough for only one cocky bastard, and Baekhyun wasn’t letting that title go so easily.

\---

“You’re an idiot,” Junmyeon repeated, maybe for the tenth time since the night before. Seulgi was finishing up Meong. It turned out to be the smallest engine issue, but had it not been noticed on time, it would’ve been catastrophic. 

Baekhyun smirked, hands in his pockets. He shrugged. “Jun, it’s an easy victory. The kid barely stepped foot in Seoul and he wants to challenge the king to a race?” He laughed out loud. Junmyeon didn’t. “I’ll give him what he asks for. And what he’s asking for is crushing defeat.”

Junmyeon sighed. “An idiot...”

Seulgi finally got up from the ground. She hopped towards them. “She’s all yours.”

“Don’t know what I would do without you,” Baekhyun cooed, while Junmyeon was counting the money. He noticed Kyungsoo staring so he booped Seulgi's nose.

“We didn’t talk at the party last night,” she said. Baekhyun’s eyes widened. Shit “It’s okay, though. Junmyeon explained it all to me already. At the next party, then?”

So that’s what had kept him so long. Baekhyun nodded, pretending he wasn’t confused. “Yeah, of course.”

When they got out of the garage, Junmyeon turned to talk to Baekhyun once more. But it didn’t look like he knew what to say. So, Baekhyun stepped in.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he said. He sat onto his motorcycle. Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s me we’re talking about! Stop doubting me.” He tried smiling to ease Junmyeon up.

Junmyeon didn’t seem satisfied. “I don’t doubt you.” His right hand was in the pocket of his jacket. Ah, there it was again. “It’s just that... You keep antagonising everyone, and picking fights, and-“

“Jun,” Baekhyun interrupted him. “Junmyeon. It’s fine.” Junmyeon didn’t say a thing after that.

They left it at that, and then went their own ways. The race with Chanyeol was in six days. Baekhyun didn’t worry – he didn’t. But he went through his knowledge of the city in his head a few times. He had time to drive through a lot of them until then.

If he was a bit more decent of a person, he’d feel bad for Chanyeol’s destined defeat. But what he felt instead was impatience. Impatience for yet another victory – an easy one, but a victory nonetheless.

\---

The race was to be held at midnight. Start line at the Desert Fox, finish line at the National Trading Centre. It was a good distance, just over twenty-five kilometres on average route. A solid length for a short race. All free streets were available, and Baekhyun already had a route in mind. It was the quickest one to his knowledge. And he never doubted his knowledge.

“Scared?” Chanyeol asked. It was night, but the city was never in the dark. The lights from the buildings and streetlights lit the roads, and Chanyeol as well. They were at the start line. He was standing next to his silver bike. It was a bit larger than Meong, but so was Chanyeol in comparison to Baekhyun. Silver was a stupid colour, he thought. All the dirt was way more easily noticeable on lighter colours. 

Was he scared? What a question. “No.” Byun Baekhyun never got scared. Chanyeol chuckled and looked at the road ahead of them. There was an audience around them, but they were standing on the sidewalks, far from them. Their murmur was still audible, though. Baekhyun felt a bit underdressed compared to his opponent. He was in a denim jacket and jeans, and outfit Jongin called atrocious, but it was way more comfortable to ride in that than leather. Baekhyun preferred the leather, but he didn’t need any distractions that night. Chanyeol on the other hand, had a sleeveless leather jacket over a sleeveless shirt, bracelets on his arms and fingerless gloves. The cut of his shirt was deep, but it wasn’t like Baekhyun would’ve noticed it had he not had to wait so long for the race to start. He just had too much time, and Chanyeol was the only thing he had to look at.

Junmyeon and Jongin talked to him before, and told him they’d wait for him at the finish line. Baekhyun told them he’d get there before them. Jongin laughed, and Junmyeon tried to look serious but it was obvious that he wasn’t as tense as last week. Baekhyun practiced with him. He beat his own record two days prior in the desert. He was ready.

“It’s two minutes to midnight,” Chanyeol said, looking at his wristwatch. Baekhyun didn’t have his own. Jongin asked about it, since it was the gift he’s gotten him for his birthdsy a few years back, but Baekhyun had said he’d forgotten where he’d put it. Jongin scolded him for being messy and told him that if he kept his things in order he’d never misplace things. Truth was, Baekhyun just didn’t feel like opening that drawer again. Chanyeol put his helmet on. “Well, good luck,” he said, voice muffled by the helmet.

“Won’t need it,” Baekhyun responded, putting his own mask on and mounting his bike.

The announcer spoke into the mic. “The race between Baekhyun and Loey will take place soon,” the metallic voice spoke through the speakers throughout the city. Loey? Did Chanyeol go by a different name as a racer? What a loser. “Please keep your distance from the streets, and enjoy the event!”

Baekhyun was itching for the race to begin. He was beginning to feel restless. It was seconds away. He gripped his handles tightly.

“Ready?” The two of them started their engines.

“Set?” The audience around them went silent. The only sound coming from the motorcycles.

“...Go!”

They bolted at the same time. Baekhyun kept his view straight ahead. He was slightly behind Chanyeol, but he didn’t let that ruin his mood. The race had only just started. 

The people were watching both from the streets (where it was possible) and from the windows of their homes. Baekhyun could hear some of their cheers every time they swapped position. Chanyeol was still on the same route as him, but Baekhyun was sure that the routes they had in mind were different.

And he was right. Baekhyun steered into the left street, with one of his famous drifts, and the audience in that area went wild. He smirked. That was the shortest route to the Trading Centre. Chanyeol probably didn’t know about the narrow passageway that could cut the distance by a quarter. And although Baekhyun already had the victory in his hands, he didn’t slow down one bit. He sped up. Meong was driving perfectly thanks to Seulgi. Not a single odd feeling nor an off sound.

He dashed through different streets, some wide and full of different coloured lights that blurred in his peripheral vision, some small and dark, but all were filled with windows full of curious eyes and loud cheers. 

Baekhyun sped up before he entered the main street again – the one with the Trade Centre. He could see the finish line ahead of him, the people standing at the sidewalk patiently waiting for their victor. He looked into his rear-view mirror. Chanyeol wasn’t even in sight. Baekhyun bit his lip. That was too easy of a victory.

A victory he’d get in five, four, three...

Baekhyun sped through the finish line, forgetting to brake in time again. Junmyeon would’ve normally scolded him for that, but he wasn’t worried that would happen this time. Not after a win like that. He took off his helmet with a satisfied smile on his face and waited for the crowd to cheer. He heard nothing, though. He blinked. It was dead silent. He could hear his own breathing.

Some people were looking directly at him. Some behind. Baekhyun turned around.

Chanyeol was standing, leaning on his bike, a half finished cigarette between his lips. Baekhyun narrowed his eyes, tried adjusting his vision to make sure he was seeing right. Every inch of his body froze. No. A chill ran down his spine, and settled in his feet growing weak. No. His chest grew heavy, his bottom lip quivered. It couldn’t be... He couldn’t have...

No. No.

Chanyeol blew smoke out of his mouth. He looked at Baekhyun, a crooked smile on his face. “Took you long enough.”

Baekhyun's ears started to ring. No one was saying anything, but even if they were, he wouldn’t be able to hear them. He backed away, eyes never leaving Chanyeol. Everybody was looking at him. He tuned them out. Put his helmet on. Jumped on Meong. (“I’m so sorry I let you down, girl,” he thought, speaking to his bike in his mind, feeling unworthy of mounting her.) And before anyone could approach him, he drove away. Far away.

\---

The desert felt different at night. The air was colder, the ground felt more firm under the tires. It was more quiet, if that was even possible. More desolate, more private. Baekhyun drove through the desert, for the first time at such a late hour. Yet, it felt familiar. Safe. There was a wall between him and Seoul, it was another world.

He was tense, still. He tried to be otherwise, but he could feel the way his bones were stuck in one position. How shallow his breaths had to be to keep such a composure. His grip on the handles was more firm than ever before.

He sped up as he was approaching the Arch. He was alone, yet he still glanced at the rear-view mirror. And behind all of the dust, behind the veil of the night, there was no one behind him. No one. He dragged his eyes to look in front of him. But as soon as he did, he saw Chanyeol, he saw his smug smile taunting him behind that cigarette. He saw the faces of everyone in Seoul as the king of the streets fell off his throne in a pathetic attempt to keep his pride.

He hit the brakes just as he got near the Arch. He stood still for a moment, then got off his bike. He let his arm linger on Meong as long as he could, dragging his feet behind him as he walked towards the giant rocky formation. He threw his helmet on the ground, threw himself on his knees. 

For a few seconds (or maybe it was minutes, or hours – time stood still for Baekhyun, it froze the moment his eyes fell on Chanyeol) all Baekhyun did was stare at the ground. The sand. It was odd how it looked blue under the moonlight. He was breathing heavily, panting. His chest tickled. He wanted to retract into himself more, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t disappear. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling out of his stinging eyes.

Baekhyun screamed. Yelled. As loud as possible, as long as his lungs allowed him, he screamed. Such a scream, such a bloodcurdling, helpless scream that it could move move mountains, cause earthquakes, split the sea. He felt like he’d been screaming for an eternity by the time he was finished.

And then he sobbed. Quietly, choking on every other breath, face wet. He couldn’t stop. He slid closer to the Arch in an attempt to hide, as if anyone could see him there.

Baekhyun looked up. He absorbed the full, incomprehensible size of the Arch. And only then did he feel pathetic. Only then did he finally realise what a miserable little being he was and what a miserable little dream he clung onto.

And it sunk in at last.

Byun Baekhyun was scared. Afraid of many things. Scared of going back, scared of his not-home, scared of tomorrow. But, the thing that frightened him the most?

The fact that this may not have been a dream. The fact that Byun Baekhyun wasn’t the best racer the roads of Seoul had ever seen. How there was one person better than him.

Park Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol was the best racer the roads of Seoul had ever seen. And that thought echoed in Baekhyun’s mind, the same way it lingered in the mind of every other citizen of Seoul.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> less action than the first chapter ig but it's junmyeon focused & im keeping the exciting stuff for baek idk
> 
> hope you guys aren't disappointed thoughhh. feedback is welcome. lmk the stuff you liked maybe loll

Even after dropping Baekhyun off, Junmyeon was still feeling uneasy. He gnawed on his bottom lip as he was driving to his home, driving at a speed below average. That, of course, wasn’t what the fast-paced citizens of Seoul were used to. Always antsy, always in a hurry, they honked behind him, went around him if they could. Junmyeon let them. He couldn’t allow himself another outburst.

A sharp pain shot through his lip. He gasped. He bit it too hard. He stuck his tongue out, felt the metallic taste. Junmyeon hated the taste of blood. Just a small drop could bring back the feeling of choking on it.

He shuddered. No memory should ever be that vivid.

The joint indoor parking lot for the community Junmyeon lived in was as tall as any other building. It was connected with four different residential buildings. Each parking lot floor had doors which led to the corresponding building floors, so the tenants could park their vehicles and have an easy way back to their apartments. Of course, there would be plenty of unused space of only they used the lot, so it was open to the public as well. But there were spots reserved for each person that lived there, so no matter how full the parking may have seemed, Junmyeon would always have an available plot.

He got out of the car. It was pretty chilly out there – he lived on the eleventh floor, and was surrounded by concrete. His parking spot was closest to the entrance though, so he didn’t stay there for too long. His landlord probably had his leg in mind when dividing those between the tenants. Kibum was considerate, but Junmyeon hated special treatment. He was fully functional. It wasn’t like he needed any.

The smell of cooking hit him as soon as he closed the door of his apartment behind him. Junmyeon sniffed twice. He rushed to the kitchen, tripping over a few shoes flipped over. It was a narrow entrance. (And he wasn’t the neatest person on the planet.) He stumbled when he got there, gripping the corner of the wall. 

The kitchen was empty. Of course it was. Junmyeon lived alone. His heart still sunk at the realisation. He missed coming home to ready meals. The smell probably came from one of the apartments below him, as he left almost all windows open. He was sort of thankful for forgetting to close them. He didn’t have to turn on the air-conditioning for the moment. He took off his shoes and left them there, planning on putting them in place later.

There was a small mess in the living room as well, but enough to make him uncomfortable. He ought to clean up... Later. He’d be in his room until he got the motivation.

And the rest of the afternoon was quite a bore. Junmyeon wasn’t sure why him and Baekhyun parted ways if neither had anything planned until the evening, but then he supposed they’d get sick of each other by the time they had to leave. And he spent way too much time with Baekhyun, anyway. He’d call Jongin up, but Jongin was almost always with Taemin. And as for other friends... 

Junmyeon rubbed his face in an attempt to stop thinking about his miserable social life. But calling Jongin up wasn’t a bad idea. 

He kept his landline phone next to his bed. It was convenient, as most of the time he spent in his house was in his bedroom. That might be a bit sad, he thought. But a lot of things Junmyeon did were sad, if he thought about them too much. And, he felt like he was just about to start thinking about them, so he dialed Jongin’s number as quickly as he possibly could and pressed the headphone against his ear. He threw himself on the bed. 

He couldn’t remember if he typed in a three or a six at the end. He always had the tendency to mix those two up. As the line was ringing, Junmyeon started to panic. If it was a wrong number, that’d be pretty awkward. What would he even say if it was–

_“Hello?”_ Jongin’s voice cut through his thoughts. Junmyeon let out a breath he was holding in. _“Junmyeon?”_ His voice seemed to be muffled by some chatter and music in the background.

“Hey, Jongin,” Junmyeon said, then paused for a second thinking about what he could talk about. He didn’t really plan it all through. “What are you up to?”

_“Uhhh,”_ Jongin trailed off. Junmyeon heard him answer someone before getting back to him. _“I’m buying a present for Taemin.”_

_“With me!”_ someone else yelled into Jongin's phone. Jongin whined.

_“Yes, with Wonsik.”_

“Oh. Cool.” Junmyeon rolled onto his stomach. “What for?”

_“His birthday? It’s in, like, two weeks though, so don’t worry. This was just the only time both Wonsik and I were free.”_

“Right,” Junmyeon said. Taemin's birthday. Taemin. Junmyeon bit his lip, then recoiled when he bit the same spot which bled before. He’d forgotten.

There was a small moment of silence. _“You should come. To the party,”_ Jongin said. _“He’d want you to be there.”_

“No, sure, I’ll...” Junmyeon wasn’t sure what to say. Jongin could’ve just been saying that. But he didn’t want to turn it down. “I’ll try to make it.”

_“Alright...,”_ Jongin sounded sceptical, but didn’t push it. Junmyeon was thankful. _“Did you need anything, though? Why’d you call?”_

“Oh, it was nothing.” Junmyeon felt a bit pathetic for saying that. “Just wanted to see what you were doing.”

_“Alright then. Well, I’m a bit busy now so...”_

“Oh, right, of course,” Junmyeon laughed. “Then I’ll see you tonight.”

_“Yeah. Bye.”_

“Bye.”

As soon as he clicked the button to hang up, the room was filled with silence again. Junmyeon felt the need to fill it by doing something, so he called and ordered some takeout from his favourite ramen place. Then he went to take a shower.

Seeing his new leg wasn’t as weird as it was before. Sure, when he’d stare at the mirror for a long period of time, the dark grey would start looking strange in contrast to his pale skin, but Junmyeon got used to it for the most part. He got used to the sort of feeling in his leg but which wasn't quite there. He couldn’t explain it to anyone – he had enough feeling to move it, and to know it was there, but it wasn’t the same as his right leg, nor did he feel pain on the outside. But he could still tell when something was wrong. It really was strange.

Seulgi chose some materials that didn’t rust when exposed to water, so Junmyeon could take showers the same as before. Kyungsoo and her somehow had everything in mind when together. They were a good match. He thought about what Baekhyun had said in the car. If his little prank worked, Junmyeon would be glad.

He stared at his feet as water was falling on him, down his back. He didn’t have toes on his left leg. It was funny. Kyungsoo said it was unnecessary to separate them from each other for the time being, so he just copied their joints and didn’t bother to make them all separate entities. 

He thought about another thing Baekhyun said. He really hadn’t gotten laid in a while. In a very long while. Even the last time he jerked off it was months before. But he’d just been alone for so long, it felt... too pathetic to do it.

He dried his face and hair with a towel. He hoped the takeout came quickly.

\---

Junmyeon got to the Desert Fox only an hour after the party was supposed to start, and yet it was already packed with people. He stood near the entrance so he could meet with Baekhyun more easily. They weren’t in contact, but Junmyeon assumed Baekhyun wouldn’t come on time.

The music was all heavy bass, electronic sound effects, high-pitched vocals. It wasn’t the kind of music he liked to listen to, but it fit the setting, so he couldn’t argue against it. There was a time and place for everything, even music. Minho once said that and it stuck with him. It was the first time he'd managed to drag Junmyeon to a party. They were young, and Junmyeon was stuck up, more stuck up than he was now, and Minho just wanted to help him loosen up. And with that thought in mind, Junmyeon managed to enjoy those parties a bit more.

Someone put a hand on his shoulder. Junmyeon turned around to see Seulgi, as bright and cute as ever, and tailing behind her was Kyungsoo. Gloomy little Kyungsoo who obviously tried his best to be more free in this kind of atmosphere, but just wasn’t comfortable enough. Junmyeon was like that when he was young. “Hey, Jun!” Seulgi greeted him. She was dressed up, and it was probably the first time Junmyeon saw her outside of slacks and white t-shirts. It wasn’t that she wasn’t pretty in general, but it did make him do a double take. 

“Hey guys,” Junmyeon greeted them back and smiled. The dark blue and green lights danced around them. “You having fun?”

“We just got here,” Seulgi said. She adjusted the strap of her purse. Junmyeon wanted to tell her to keep that safe. “But it’s fun for now! Did Baekhyun arrive yet?” She tried to be nonchalant with the question, but Junmyeon caught on.

“Ah, no, not yet,” he answered. He put his hands in his pockets. Seulgi just nodded, but her face fell ever so slightly. Junmyeon noticed Kyungsoo squirm behind them. He tried to stay close to Seulgi (in an unknown environment), but he didn’t want to stick too close. Junmyeon felt bad that he was dragged somewhere he didn’t want to be at. And so, just to lift the little guy’s mood up, “But, you know, he did tell me his friend wasn’t feeling well and that he won’t be coming tonight.”

Seeing Seulgi disappointed, as hard as she tried to hide it, wasn’t the best sight in the world, but something did shift in Kyungsoo's demeanour, so Junmyeon decided it balanced each other out. He then said, just so her mood wouldn’t be ruined for the entire night, “You should still enjoy the rest or the night! It’s a good party.”

“Yeah, of course!” Seulgi perked up. She pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Please, why would I work myself up over some guy I don’t even know...”

Junmyeon caught Kyungsoo's eyes and winked. Kyungsoo looked confused and averted his eyes, but Jummyeon pulled him to the side, a decent distance from Seulgi. He leaned to whisper into his ear, “Go dance with her.”

Kyungsoo pulled away and blinked twice at him. He shook his head and raised his shoulders. “Why would I?” He tried, but Junmyeon knew better. He raised an eyebrow and nudged him slightly. Kyungsoo broke into a grin and looked away. Ah, kids in love.

“I don’t dance.”

“Nonsense,” Junmyeon pushed on. Kyungsoo kept refusing, but Junmyeon was insistent. Seulgi then turned to them, worry in her eyes.

“Why did you two leave me alone?” She huffed and put her hands on her hips. She had a pout on her lips. “Kyungsoo, is he bothering you?” She playfully glared at Junmyeon. Junmyeon raised his hands next to his head.

“Hey, we were just talking!” He laughed. Seulgi scrunched her nose up, then grabbed Kyungsoo by the hand.

“Kyungsoo, let’s go dance.” She turned to Junmyeon. “We’ll talk later, Jun!” 

Junmyeon watched as Kyungsoo was being dragged behind. A bit frightened, but also satisfied from what Junmyeon could tell. Turns out he didn’t need any help after all.

Kyungsoo was a good guy. It was sad how his old university didn’t offer him any scholarship, so he had to drop out. He was probably more knowledgeable in anatomy than many people who’ve finished that school. Junmyeon wished they had more contact outside of their usual check-ups, but they spent so long interacting through those only, it might be weird to suddenly suggest something else. 

He saw Baekhyun coming down the stairs when he turned around, so he rushed towards him. “Baekhyun!” the music was so loud, he had to yell. It was one of the downside of clubs. You’d go out both deaf and with a dry throat. “I just got here a few minutes ago!”

“Let’s find the others!” Baekhyun yelled back, and Junmyeon nodded. They pushed their way through the dance floor, trying to make it to the left corner of the club which had giant round tables and places to sit. The lighting there was brighter, more white, probably so poker games could be more convenient. Junmyeon held onto Baekhyun the entire time. 

Junmyeon found a certain amount of comfort in Baekhyun. He was a snarky little shit, sure, but he was also the person he was closest to at the moment. They’d argue and bicker, but at the end of the day, it was each other that they’d hold onto when pushing through a huge crowd of people. Junmyeon didn’t know if Baekhyun felt the same way, as they never talked about it. He'd prefer a clear answer, but from certain actions he might've be able to conclude on his own.

“Guys! Jun, Baek!” they heard Jongin shout from the direction of the bar. Jongin was carrying three drinks. Junmyeon's heart raced at the sight of three. There was Jongin, Taemin... And? Jongin gestured to one of the tables with his head. “Taem and I are sitting over there! He’s met these new guys so we’re hanging with them!”

Junmyeon tensed up. He felt the need to hide. "I'll- I'll go get drinks for Baek and me!" He ran off without waiting for a response. He forgot what Baekhyun usually had to drink. Crap. Jennie surely remembered, though.

The bar was across the dance floor on the opposite side of the seating area. Quite unconventional. It was long and required three bartenders just so they're able to cover all of the customers. It had its own lighting behind the counter, on the shelves which were packed with alcohol in its entire length. Junmyeon didn't experiment much. He had his trusty scotch, and he stuck to it. 

"Hey, Jen," Junmyeon said, leaning onto the shiny black counter. Jennie was on the other side, cleaning a glass with a white cloth. She was petite and pretty and didn't seem to fit in with the whole edgy thing going on with the Desert Fox, but she was a comforting sight, someone he knew. 

'Hey, Junmyeon!" She greeted him with her usual sweet voice. They were on good terms, him and the others being regulars ever since she started working there. "How're you doing?"

"Pretty okay." He rubbed his temples. "A bit tired, but hopefully the music wakes me up. The guys treating you well?"

Jennie rolled her eyes. Her movements became just a tad bit sharper. "You know how it is... Anyway, the usual?"

"Yup," Junmyeon replied, popping the 'p'. "For Baekhyun as well."

"Alright, coming right up!"

Junmyeon watched as Jennie made their drinks. She was also one of those people Junmyeon could call close acquaintances, but they only ever spoke in specific scenarios. His social life really was a disaster. And- Whiskey! That's what Baekhyun drank. Junmyeon watched as Jennie poured it into a glass. How could he have forgotten such a thing? His memory was starting to become worse. He sometimes feared the most silly things because of that – as if a twenty eight year-old could suffer from Alzheimer's... Could he?

Jennie rolled the drinks towards him. "Here you go." Junmyeon reached for his wallet, thinking of giving her a high tip as usual.

Someone put a hand between Junmyeon and the drinks. Junmyeon's heart stopped for a moment. He slowly dragged his gaze from the palm of the man's hand, over his leather covered arm and finally to his face. He had reddish brown hair and bold eyebrows. And he was tall. _Shit._ What did he want?

The last words Junmyeon expected to hear from him (spoken in a bit of a nasal voice, with a slight lisp) were, "Don't worry. It's on me."

Junmyeon chuckled. He gave Jennie a quick glance. She quirked her eyebrow. Neither of them were moving. He answered, slowly, "It's fine. I got this."

They just stared at each other for a moment before the man broke into a grin and hid his face behind his big hands. Junmyeon watched, feeling confused. "Sorry, sorry, I guess that was too awkward." He laughed, peeking through his fingers. "It's just... You seemed like the only approachable person in here."

Junmyeon was in disbelief. "Says the most unapproachable-looking person in the entire club."

The guy smiled. He pointed with his index to his forehead. "It's the eyebrows, isn't it?" he asked. Junmyeon shrugged and nodded, mentally adding _being hot as shit_ to the list of reasons. "I'm Sehun, by the way."

"Junmyeon." They shook hands. Jennie coughed. Junmyeon jumped in his place. "Oh, right." He clumsily opened his wallet and put money on the counter. "Keep the change."

Sehun looked down at his feet, hopping a little with his hands in pockets. "Uh, anyway, I saw you enter with Byun Baekhyun... Do you... race as well?"

He wasn't sure how to answer that question. "You could say that, I guess... Are you a fan?"

"Of his?" Sehun spoke through a little pout. It was endearing. Junmyeon tried not to be too affected by him. "I mean– I know of him, yeah. But that's not– I just wanted to befriend someone with similar interests" He scratched the back of his head. "I'm new in the city so I kind of need to meet new people."

Junmyeon laughed lightly. If the lights were a shade brighter his blush would be obvious. It was hard to believe he was someone's first choice for this kind of thing. "Yeah? Where'd you come from?"

"Daegu. I came with my friend, Chanyeol–" he pointed towards the table he was sitting at. _Oh._ It was the same table Jongin took Baekhyun to. What a coincidence. "We came here two days ago. It's been cool so far, but it's so easy to get lost in. And so many things to see..."

"Yeah, Seoul can be like that," Junmyeon said. He didn't want the conversation to end so quickly. "I can give you a tour someday, if you want." He shut his eyes immediately after realising what he'd said. But Sehun only chuckled and said, "I'd like that." And there was no reason for Junmyeon to get so excited over something a man he'd met mere minutes ago said.

"I better take these to the table," Junmyeon said, taking both glasses into his hands. "It's actually the same table your friend is sitting at." 

"Oh! So you know Taemin?"

Junmyeon nodded.

Pushing through the crowd proved to be a much harder task now that he was carrying liquid, but with Sehun clearing the way from the front, it wasn't as difficult as it could've been. They arrived to their destination, and Junmyeon placed his glass on the table. He waved with the other one next to Baekhyun, who seemed to be having an intense stare off with Chanyeol. 

In an attempt to skip awkward hellos, Junmyeon asked, "What'd I miss?"

And instead of a normal response, Baekhyun simply said, "Nothing. I’ll fill you in. We’re leaving.”

“But we just-“ Junmyeon couldn't say he was happy with that turn of events. Mostly because he wanted to talk to Sehun more. He looked at Sehun from over his shoulder, who looked just as puzzled as he felt.

Outside, Junmyeon stopped walking and grabbed Baekhyun by the sleeve. Baekhyun looked up when he turned around. The cold air hit them, and Junmyeon could tell he would be shaking halfway back home. "What was that all about?" he asked, coming across as angrier than he intended.

Baekhyun didn't answer immediately. He was shifting from one leg to the other, looking everywhere but at Junmyeon. Junmyeon didn't plan on standing there for the entire night. Not with the possibility of freezing to death. Finally, Baekhyun spoke up, "You know that guy Taemin befriended?" Junmyeon nodded, afraid of what might be said next. Baekhyun shrugged, changing his attitude with it suddenly. "We're having a race next Friday. To settle who the better racer is. No big deal."

Junmyeon breathed in slowly. "A race?" He let the words hang in the air for a bit. "You're telling me in the few minutes I was gone, you've managed to–" He ran a hand through his hair and kept it there. "God, Baekhyun..."

"What? I said it was no big deal," he said, voice full of irritation. He kicked a stone nearby. They were just outside the entrance, and the music could still be heard there. Well, felt was a more appropriate term. It was like the ground was vibrating within a five mile radius. "It's a joke. I'm obviously going to win, so there's no need for you to worry."

Junmyeon looked at him straight in the eyes. Baekhyun glared right back. "That's not my issue with this, and you know it." His voice was low and quiet. Baekhyun had a tendency to be nasty towards people – both the ones he was close with, and especially towards ones he wasn't, and, one way or another, decided they were below him. Whenever an argument sparked up between him and someone else, Junmyeon would always be there to settle it. Only this time he wasn't. Being Baekhyun's peace keeper was tiring. 

"Look, Junmyeon," Baekhyun stepped closer. Junmyeon tried his best not to back down. "You might think you should treat everybody with respect. That's fine!" His voice was growing louder. "But that doesn't mean I have to respect people who haven't earned it. I know the kind of guys they are. The ones who show up in a big city and think–"

"So, guys like you?" Junmyeon watched as Baekhyun slowly lost words. He tried to muster up a sentence, but couldn't produce anything coherent. "Did you forget how you started, Baekhyun? You came to Seoul without even knowing the basics of riding a bike. You had no one when you came here." Baekhyun wasn't even lookin at him. "But you were passionate, just like they are now. You don't even have to put yourself in their position. I think you're just scared."

Baekhyun blew up again. "Scared? If I was scared would I–" He harshly breathed out through his nose and closed his eyes. His tone was calmer when he continued. "I'm not scared. Stop acting like my therapist. For whatever reason you think it is, I'm going to race."

Junmyeon hated arguing with Baekhyun, even though they'd often have petty fights over silly things. But real arguments, those were harsh on him. Mostly because they never got to finish any, and the emotions stayed pent up for some time after, longer than supposed. And even thought this one was left unfinished as well, Junmyeon was glad it was, in a way, over. After being silent for some time, he spoke up. "I'm going home."

Baekhyun seemed to be on the fence about something. Junmyeon waited, not wanting to leave without a proper goodbye. "Can I come with?"

And Junmyeon, as much as he wanted Baekhyun to fuck off, for some reason couldn't say no.

As Junmyeon predicted, it was a chilly night. The walk back to his apartment was dreadful, but being on the move helped with staying warm enough to stay alive. They didn't speak much during the walk, and neither did they talk a lot when they entered the apartment. Junmyeon expected Baekhyun to go back home immediately, but he assumed the weather made him stay over.

Baekhyun tripped over the shoes Junmyeon left in the halfway that afternoon."God, you live in a burrow."

Junmyeon was taking off his coat in the doorway. "Please. You'd be the same if you didn't live with Jongin."

Baekhyun turned to look at him and smirked. "Touché." He took his own shoes off and left them next to that pair. Junmyeon chuckled. Baekhyun ran off into the kitchen.

"You got something to eat? I haven't eaten at all today." His voice echoed out the kitchen. Junmyeon sighed. He was such a child in so many ways. 

"There's leftover ramen in the fridge. Hope it's enough," he said. Baekhyun was looking through the refrigerator. It was an odd atmosphere, with the only light coming from the kitchen, and the rest of the house dark. It was an unsettling imbalance. Junmyeon turned a lamp in the living room on.

"Good thing we didn't stay long enough for you to get drunk." 

Baekhyun hummed from the kitchen. He was heating the food up in the microwave. Junmyeon went into his room and took off his clothes, put the dark blue pajama pants he usually slept in. Brushed his teeth. 

He spent a few minutes just staring at the mirror. Did he look like that in the club? He wondered what Sehun's first impression of him was. Did he notice the eye bags? Or how his hair was a bit greasy? Maybe the lights hid it all. Junmyeon hoped that was the case.

He tried not to get excited at the thought of Sehun. He was just a stranger after all. Junmyeon had just been alone for too long, and attention from someone as hot as Sehun was too much. They probably won't even speak again, not after Baekhyun made Chanyeol an enemy. 

He washed his face and dried it with a towel. Maybe it'd rub the thoughts of being forever alone away.

He came back to his dimly lit room to see Baekhyun lying on one side of the bed.

"You want to sleep here?"

"I mean..." Baekhyun raised his head to look at him. It was a funny angle. "Why else would I be here? Idiot."

Junmyeon laughed and crawled into bed next to him. He didn't bother to cover up because Baekhyun would hog the covers overnight anyway. And the isolation was good enough. "You eat enough?"

Baekhyun hummed, pressing his face into the pillow. Poor guy was tired. Junmyeon pouted and turned the lights off.

The sound of their breathing filled the room. It's been a while since Junmyeon watched someone sleep. Baekhyun was a restless sleeper, often shifting under the covers and turning his pillow over. He was tossing and turning, causing Junmyeon to suspect if he was even tired in the first place. After a bit of that, Baekhyun scooted closer to Junmyeon and then lay still. They were face to face.

"Junmyeon?" He talked into Junmyeon's chest, voice was barely a whisper. 

"What is it?" 

"Am I..." he started, then shook his head. "...Nevermind. Forget it." Baekhyun often did that. It was impossible to have a serious conversation with him sometimes. Junmyeon didn't push on, knowing better than that. He stroked Baekhyun's hair. Baekhyun sighed, shakily. He took Junmyeon's necklace between his fingers. It's the one Minho gave him years ago. It was a matching set. He never took it off, so he'd often forget he was even wearing it.

They were silent again for a few minutes. Baekhyun's voice broke it. "Do you ever..."

He didn't continue, but Junmyeon could assume what he meant to ask. Do you ever miss him so much your bones begin to ache? Do you ever wish he was still here? _Do you ever wish it was you instead of him?_

"I do," he answered, pulling Baekhyun closer to himself.

———

Junmyeon didn't even notice when next Friday came around. It was mostly a blur. He really did worry for his memory.

But that night should've been memorable. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were racing one-on-one, with quite the specific challenge. It wasn't reallly a battle of speed. It was one of wits and knowledge of the streets. Baekhyun had an unfair advantage.

"Good luck!" Jongin gave Baekhyun two thumbs-up and a big grin. "We'll see you at the finish line!" Jongin had always been Baekhyun's biggest fan.

Baekhyun smiled. "Please. I'm getting there before you two. I'll see _you_ at the finish line." Jongin laughed and patted his shoulder. Junmyeon tried looking at the two with disapproval, but seeing them like that always made him smile. He nodded at Baekhyun when their eyes met, and Baekhyun did the same.

After Baekhyun left, Junmyeon and Jongin set off towards the Trae Centre. It was a bit of a walk from his apartment, but they'd get there before the race started.

Jongin stared up at the orange sky and basked in the soft breezes that caressed his face and combed his hair. Noticing the slight hop in his step, Junmyeon asked, "You're quite excited, aren't you?"

Jongin smiled. "Yeah. I barely ever get to watch Baekhyun race anymore. I feel like I'm seventeen again."

Before Jongin started to race, he'd watch the races Junmyeon and Minho participated in with Taemin. But only when Baekhyun joined their crew did Jongin seriously consider racing – sadly, ever since he started, he didn't have time to enjoy watching the races live. So, Junmyeon understood his excitement.

"Not worried?"

He earned a glare. "Baekhyun always wins." Junmyeon should've known better than to engage in such a discussion with Baekhyun's number one fanboy. Jongin changed the subject rather quickly, "So, are you busy next Sunday?"

Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows. "Sunday? I don't think so." He was probably never busy. "Why?"

"Taemin's birthday party is next Sunday, so...," Jongin said. "But don't worry! It's just a small gathering for friends. You don't have to come to the big party for the public."

Junmyeon didn't feel like talking about it much longer. "Yeah, I'll check my calendar."

"Jun." Jongin halted, causing Junmyeon to stop walking as well. Junmyeon turned to look at him. He was serious. "He doesn't hate you."

Junmyeon laughed, awkwardly. He scratched his temple, staring at the ground. "Did he ever say that?"

Jongin stuttered. "Well– No, we don't really talk about that kind of stuff..." 

_Then what do you do together,_ Junmyeon wondered, but decided it would probably be better to stay in ignorance. Jongin continued, "But there's no reason for him to hate you."

"I wouldn't say so," Junmyeon mumbled under his breath. He was sure Jongin had heard him, but he didn't blame him for not continuing the discussion. Junmyeon wouldn't know what to say, either.

The Trade Centre was the second tallest building in Seoul, reaching almost four hundred meters in height. It was covered in glass, but the one you couldn't see through, so it appeared dark grey during most of the day. At the top stood a giant ball with rings rotating around it, neon red. It was a sight. Junmyeon got the creeps thinking about what the city might've looked like from the top. 

"Oh, it's almost staring," Jongin had his hands to his chest, fiddling with his palms.

The race between Baekhyun and Chanyeol wasn't a typical one. No one knew exactly which route they would take, so the street cameras weren't casting to any TVs. The only ones which did were the ones around the Desert Fox and the Trade Centre, but Junmyeon assumed they wouldn't be in use for much of the race.

Junmyeon was feeling quite anxious once the speakers announced the beginning of the race. It wasn't like he'd ever doubt Baekhyun, he was just an anxious person in general. He wasn't even sure what he was scared of. He just wanted Baekhyun to win.

Not having the race on screen made him both nervous and bored. Jongin went to buy snacks, but he was taking a suspiciously long amount of time. After a while, he started to check the crowd that surrounded him. And in there, he caught a familiar pair of eyes – Sehun. Although he was tall, he wasn't the tallest person out there, yet he still managed to stand out from the rest. Perhaps it was because Junmyeon knew him. Or, maybe it was in Sehun's stance. How straight he held his back and how broad his shoulders were. How sharp and specific his gaze was. The way he knew how to make keeping hands in pockets cool. 

And how he could feel whenever someone was staring at him for a tad bit too long, judging by the way he turned his head and caught Junmyeon writing a mental essay about him. (But Junmyeon would've found it weird if Sehun didn't have every single eye in the crowd on him.) Junmyeon stumbled in his spot and fixated his gaze in front of him, or to the ground, or any place else. He must've looked creepy. Sehun probably didn't even remember him.

He couldn't help himself though, and he glanced at Sehun, only to catch him looking back. He felt severely underdressed at that moment. He didn't look special at all (not that he ever did), meanwhile Sehun looked like he came straight from the runway. Junmyeon shut his eyes, hard. If he could just stop thinking about Sehun. If he could just–

"Hey," Sehun's soft voice opened Junmyeon's eyes, and he was met with Sehun leaning down and waving in front of him. Junmyeon pursed his lips in an attempt not to smile. "Junmyeon, right?"

_Damn it._ "Yeah," he answered, grinning like a schoolgirl, or whatever demographic was known for acting like fools in front of their crushes. Not that Sehun was a crush – Junmyeon barely knew anything about the guy (which didn't stop him from thinking about him the entire week). Sehun was just... Really hot. "And you're... Sehun?" He hoped sounded convincing.

Sehun chuckled at the ground. "I'm glad you remembered." Junmyeon felt his cheeks heat up. He was glad? Why would he be glad? Maybe he thought about meeting Junmyeon again, too.

Ah, nonsense.

"Uh, so, what brings you here?" he asked, just to say anything, just to keep Sehun there.

"Well, my best friend is racing tonight. So then, moral support, I guess?" Sehun laughed. Junmyeon did as well.

"Right, right. I should've remembered," he said, a bit embarrassed for asking such a stupid question. He'd be more surprised if Sehun wasn't there, at one of the biggest events in Seoul that year. "I'm here to support my best friend, too."

Sehun raised his eyebrows. "Then I guess we're on rival teams?"

Junmyeon talked through a smile so wide it made his cheeks hurt. "I guess so." They exchanged an odd glance and then laughed. Junmyeon was beginning to feel shy. He was terrible at flirting. Also, slightly terrified of Sehun. The guy was unreadable. 

Sehun ran a hand through his hair. His forehead was pretty. The way the strands fell back in place was pretty. Junmyeon tried not to look at him that much, so he started to play with his own jacket. He hadn't met anyone new in a while, and so didn't even gain interest in anyone else. He'd forgotten what it felt like, and it was overwhelming at the moment. He never was interested in strangers before, so Sehun was new. Junmyeon didn't know what to expect.

"Hey," Sehun started, taking a pause that was a bit too long. He smiled. "Uh, remember how you said you'd give me a tour of Seoul someday?" He laughed through his nose and appeared to have cringed at himself. Junmyeon took his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Yeah?"

"Well, is... The offer still on the table?"

Junmyeon put his hands behind his back and hopped on his toes a little. Then he remembered he was in public, and stood still again. "If you're willing to take it."

Sehun's eyes glistened under the streetlights. "I'd... That'd be great. I've yet to find a good place to eat, so... We can start with that?"

"Yeah, sure." Junmyeon was beginning to feel comfortable keeping eye contact with Sehun, although he found it harder to form words. "I finish work at four so you two can wait for me and we can go from there."

"Two?" Sehun quirked an eyebrow. Junmyeon felt his palms go cold. "Oh, Chanyeol– I didn't–," Sehun stumbled over his words while Junmyeon tried to figure out what he was trying to say. After clearing his throat, he said, "Chanyeol's gonna be busy, y'know practicing for that race next Wednesday, so I don't think he'll come."

"Oh," Junmyeon clicked his tongue and nodded, narrowing his eyes at Sehun with a small smile. "And you're so good yourself that you don't need practice?"

Sehun blushed. He scratched himself behind the ear and kept his hand there. "Um, I didn't mean to say... What I meant was–"

"Relax," Junmyeon stopped him from further embarrassment, although all he found Sehun was endearing. "It's just gonna be you and me, then." He licked his lips before deciding to say, "I'm actually glad it's gonna be just us."

Junmyeon felt like he was going to burn away after saying that. Sehun looked at him, something in his eyes shifting. 

"Yeah?" He raised the corner of his mouth. "Me too."

They talked about some other things for the next few minutes, like where Junmyeon worked, how he knew Baekhyun, and in turn, Sehun shared some personal information of his own – how him and Chanyeol were childhood friends, what brought the two to Seoul, where they were staying. (Wendy's motel was maybe the biggest rival of the bed and breakfast Junmyeon worked at, but he let it slide.) 

And just when they were beginning to become more comfortable with each other, Jongin had to come and tackle Junmyeon from behind. (They'll have more time the next day, he consoled himself.) Jongin was slightly out of breath and his hair was a mess. "Hey! Hey?" He greeted Junmyeon first, then he noticed Sehun. "Oh. I didn't expect you two to be friends."

"Well, we–," he quickly looked at Sehun, who nodded. "We are friends. And where were you?"

"I was with...," Jongin trailed off, scratching the back of his head and looking behind him. Junmyeon noticed his jacket was missing. He sighed. "With Taem." Junmyeon chuckled. Jongin continued, "Anyway, why I came to find you. They're saying someone's close to finish."

"Shit, really?" Junmyeon had totally forgotten they were supposed to be following a race. Well, not exactly follow, but to expect someone to cross the finish line. "Who did they say it was?"

"They didn't mention a name," Jongin answered. "But it's probably Baekhyun." He looked at Sehun. "No offense! But, let's he honest..."

"None taken," Sehun said, raising his arms as if he was surrendering.

And soon enough, everyone around them lowered their voices when they heard a motorcycle working in the distance. The murmur was kept as quiet as possible. The buzzing of the voices made Junmyeon feel light-headed.

It all happened rather quickly. Junmyeon was on his tiptoes looking down the road, the colourful neon lights blending in his periferial vision. And then a tiny figure appeared in the distance, and gradually got closer to them. People around him started to chant. 

Junmyeon cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled out, "Whoo, Baekhyun!", but halfway through it he realised that the motorcycle didn't look like Baekhyun's. And the driver didn't look like him, either. And, it must've been a mistake, and the lights of the city were playing tricks on him. And it's what he kept telling himself as he stood back on his heels and held a hand up to his face.

But it never started to look like Baekhyun again. And Chanyeol drove through the finish line, the crowd in complete silence as he took his helmet off. He looked around, noticed he was alone, then smirked. He didn't seem to expect any standing ovations, not judging by the way he took out a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit them up. 

And while Chanyeol was taking his cigarettes out, Baekhyun crossed the finish line himself. Junmyeon was expecting to see him devastated immediately, but when he took his helmet off, he seemed proud. Baekhyun must not have realised Chanyeol was there already. 

But it didn't take a genius to figure it out. Junmyeon could see Baekhyun's thought process on his face. And then he turned around.

Junmyeon's heart broke a little. Baekhyun was overly confident and mean, and someone did need to put him in his place, but he was also Junmyeon's friend. And someone who didn't take defeat lightly. Junmyeon could see the way years of hard work, every consecutive victory he's had, turned to nothing in front of Baekhyun as soon as Chanyeol said,

"Took you long enough."

Jongin moved next to him, wanted to run up to Baekhyun, but Junmyeon stopped him. Baekhyun didn't need that. He wasn't the type to need that. It wouldn't help him.

Baekhyun drove away, and all anyone could do was stare for a short while. Then the crowd gathered around Chanyeol, interviewers tried making their way through. Junmyeon wished he could stay there because Sehun was in a good mood, and he'd even invited him for a walk, somewhere away from all that mess. It made Junmyeon's heart flutter, but it didn't seem fair towards Baekhyun, somehow. 

"I'm a bit tired now... Tomorrow, though?"

\---

And tomorrow couldn't have come any slower. Junmyeon tried sleeping, but he couldn't, not with Baekhyun missing. He wasn't answering any of his calls either. Junmyeon wouldn't have cared in any other situation, but he was really afraid Baekhyun would do something bad.

He came back at three in the morning, which Junmyeon found out through Jongin's text. He was a bit disappointed that Baekhyun didn't return any of his calls or messages.

And with such a bad sleep, he was feeling a bit weak the entirety of the day. Work wasn't too hard on him, but he didn't get a chance to rest properly. He'd had four coffees by twelve, at which point he begged Minseok to stop him from drinking any more. His co-worker was left a bit worried, to say the least.

The only thing keeping him going was his rendezvous with Sehun. He was checking the time every few minutes. The day seemed to drag into eternity, never reaching four. Minseok teased him about it, tried getting something out of him. Junmyeon was very adamant about keeping it all a secret, even though he would've loved to go on about the cute guy he'd talked with only twice but would really, really like to get to know better. It just felt weird to talk about something like thatl after such a dead social life.

About twenty minutes before his shift ended, Sehun entered the place and ruined Junmyeon's plans on staying mysterious. Junmyeon was wiping one of the tables, as he always did after a busy lunch. He was turned to the door with his back, so he didn't see who it was at first, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder, and a familiar, "Hey," and Junmyeon felt hot and cold all at once.

"Hey." Junmyeon smiled, suddenly embarrassed that Sehun had to see him doing chores. "You're a little early."

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were still in here," Sehun laughed, never taking his eyes off Junmyeon. It was a lot to handle. Junmyeon told him not to worry and to sit at the counter, Minseok would make him coffee. Minseok, in return to seeing who'd be taking him on a date ("It's not a date, Minseok..."), gave him a thumbs up and a wink. Not that Junmyeon needed approval, especially not one that would be a very obvious tell to Sehun, but it was nice.

Minseok shooed them out as soon as Sehun was done with his coffee, which he probably felt pressured to drink quickly. "Don't worry about it, I can handle the rest myself," he said before waving them off and closing the door. Sehun laughed as Junmyeon hid his face in shame.

"I'm so sorry about that."

"No, it's fine," Sehun reassured him. "I got you sooner." And Junmyeon felt like he could squeal. Sehun coughed and looked to the side, and his eyebrows made him look so angry but Junmyeon found it that much attractive. "Uh, so, anyway, where will you take me?"

"Ah," Junmyeon hoped his suggestion wasn't too basic. "I wanted to show you my favourite restaurant? It's a small place but they make such good ramen."

"Sounds great," Sehun said. He then motioned to his motorcycle. "Shall we?"

Junmyeon's heart started to race, but it wasn't the good kind of way anymore. He tensed up. "Well, I was– I was thinking I'd take you there by walking. Yeah, Seoul is very pretty, and you might miss a lot of things when you're driving, so."

"Oh, okay, sure," Sehun nodded and put his keys back in his pocket. "You got a point. I don't think I've taken a longer walk through the city once."

Junmyeon breathed out. "Yeah, it'd be a shame."

They got to the restaurant in just over half an our, during half of which Junmyeon got to nerd out over architecture ("This older part of town isn't as modernised as the rest, see the red brick exteriors?"), and then other half he spent apologising for talking too much. ("Junmyeon, it's fine. It was cute.")

The place was called Cotton Bites. A bit of a pun. Junmyeon liked it. The outside was painted in dark red, and the doors and windows were black. The name was written on a big dark green plate, and there was a chalk menu outside the entrance. Sehun let Junmyeon go in first.

The inside was all brick walls and square wooden tables, and there were small paintings of birds everywhere. They sat down at one of the tables near the windows. Soon a waiter came and gave them menus, although Junmyeon already knew what he wanted to order.

Junmyeon was waiting for Sehun to put his menu down so they could start talking more. He tried not to think about how good he looked when reading, and narrowing his eyes, and biting his lips– 

Sehun briefly caught his glance, then looked back at the menu and smiled. Junmyeon tried fixing his hair nonchalantly, feeling self conscious about his appearance. Sehun's voice caught him by surprise, "You decide on anytning yet?"

"Oh! Yeah." He started straightening the menu in front of him. "You?"

"I think so... How's the shoyu here?"

Junmyeon nodded. "Pretty good. It's actually my favourite, so I usually take that."

"Yeah? Mine too," Sehun said, putting the menu down so Junmyeon could see him better. "Were you gonna take that?" Junmyeon nodded again. Sehun smiled. "Alright, guess we'll take two of those."

When the waiter came to take their order, Junmyeon feared they'd fall into an awkward silence. He wasn't sure what to talk about. "What's Daegu like?" 

"Daegu? Hm..." Sehun tapped his fingers on the table. "Maybe unimpressive compared to Seoul. But I think you'd like it. There's a lot of old buildings there." They both laughed. "Okay, my turn."

"Oh, we're exchanging questions now?"

"Yes. You set yourself up for this," Sehun said, pointing a finger. Junmyeon felt like laughing again. "Anyway. If you don't race, how'd you become involved with the scene?"

"I used to race," Junmyeon said. His mind was racing with different explanations for why he'd stopped. "But the whole behind the scenes, managing part of the job was more appealing to me. So I do that now."

"Oh, that's so cool." Sehun rested his chin on his hand. "You're pretty smart, then."

Junmyeon chuckled. "I don't know... It's not that hard."

"Take the compliment." Sehun glared at him. "Your turn."

"Fine, fine." Junmyeon tilted his head, thinking. "Are you and Chanyeol popular back home? You know, the way Baek is over here."

"I guess," Sehun said. "Except the public likes us, unlike him." They both chuckled. "It's a smaller crowd there, but I'd say we are. We're pretty popular with the girls, too." He smirked, "Though, they're not really my thing, so. Sucks for them, right?"

They exchanged a knowing glance, and Junmyeon blushed. Sehun asked, "Were you popular? When you were racing."

"Yeah, kind of."

"With the girls, as well?"

Junmyeon smiled sheepishly. "More so with the guys." Sehun raised an eyebrow and stared Junmyeon down quickly, all leaned back in his chair.

Their orders then came. 

As they were eating, Sehun asked, "This place is pretty cute. How'd you find it?"

"Oh, my friend opened it a few years back. Jinki. It was sort of a dream come true for him," Junmyeon explained. Jinki... Junmyeon hadn't seen him in a while. Sehun hummed. "It's usually full of people. We should come here on a Thursday or Friday, there's live music–," and then he stopped talking, because he realised what he was suggesting. 

"I'd like that."

"It's a date then?" What a stupid question.

Sehun smiled with his cheeks full of food and nodded.

\---

He ended up walking Junmyeon back home, and Junmyeon wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he remembered laughs and not so subtle glances.

Sometime during the walk, Sehun took his hand. It must've been when a crowd was walking towards them, and Junmyeon had to move to the side, and Sehun kept him close as the people passed by. He wasn't sure. But he let him hold it, even thought it felt a bit weird. Unusual. But every little squeeze made Junmyeon bite back a giggle.

And he felt nice by the end of it.

"I had fun," Sehun said, letting go of his hand. His eyes were full of something strange. Junmyeon was afraid of it.

"Me too."

"Uh, can I ask you something?" Sehun started. Junmyeon looked up at him. Sehun felt so tall. "Do you... Would you consider today a date?" 

Junmyeon's mouth went dry. "I..." He was having trouble forming words, but something inside of him urged him to say, "Yeah. I would."

Sehun breathed out a sigh of relief. "Cool. Cool." He flicked his nose. "Me too."

Junmyeon was shifting on his feet, one hand on the door of his building. It was such an awkward conversation, but he didn't really mind. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure."

"Can I kiss you?" Sehun asked, words coming out of his mouth so quickly they almost meshed together. His eyes were flicking from Junmyeon to the streets, then back to him. Junmyeon gulped, not sure why somebody like Sehun would want to kiss him.

But he nodded. Because, if the offer was already on the table... "Yeah. Yeah, I'd... like that."

Sehun looked stunned for a moment, then chuckled at the ground. He took a step closer, put his hand on Junmyeon's cheek. Junmyeon raised his head. Sehun leaned down. And the entire time Junmyeon kept thinking about how awkward it would've been if he'd just forgotten how to kiss.

Sehun was gentle and his lips were soft. Junmyeon had to stand on his tiptoes, and when he fell down, Sehun laughed and broke the kiss. Junmyeon could feel in the face he was. 

"You're cute," he said. Junmyeon pouted.

"Shut up."

He didn't want to say bye to Sehun, but he was already at the door. He thought about inviting him over, but it was too soon, and his apartment was a mess. They exchanged numbers though, and Junmyeon was smiling the entire way up to his apartment.

He wanted to call someone and tell them about it all. But when he picked up the phone, he realised there was no one. Baekhyun would accuse him of sleeping with the enemy, and aside from him, he only had Jongin. And Jongin would be happy for him, but maybe he'd find it weird for some reason. So, he didn't call anyone. He'd tell them another time.

\---

The night of the Wednesday race arrived pretty quickly. 

Both Baekhyun and Jongin were racing, so Junmyeon was left alone. Taemin, Chanyeol, Sehun, all of them were also participating, amongst other racers. 

There were less bets on Baekhyun that night, and for a debut race, Chanyeol had a pretty decent number. It was the effect of their previous race. Damn it, Baekhyun.

Junmyeon was watching the race on the three TVs in the crew room. All the representatives were there, following what was happening. It was a pub near the finish line which was often really busy during race nights.

The men and women around him were cursing whenever their favourite went a spot behind, while others celebrated. A few of them already drunk, Junmyeon made sure to stay away from them.

Baekhyun was in the lead for the time being. Junmyeon watched him intently. After his little tantrum on Friday, he seemed okay the rest of the week. But Baekhyun was rarely the type to show his emotions. He insisted on more intense and longer practices though, and he'd visited Seulgi more often. Junmyeon also noticed how his braking improved, and while only by a smidge, it was evident that Baekhyun was thinking more about it.

Chanyeol was in third, while Taemin had the second spot. Chanyeol was closing in the distance, but Taemin was holding on well. He had a tendency of driving on the right side, so if Chanyeol was to take advantage of that during a left turn...

Junmyeon tried tracking Sehun down. He was in fifth, right in front of Jongin. They changed positions a few times. He was confused on who to cheer on when that happened. He obviously wanted Jongin to do well, but if Sehun sped up during the turns he'd get a bigger advantage. And then he could easily pass Changmin, whose bike wouldn't allow him to stay on that high of a position for so long. 

Suddenly the pub got loud. Chanyeol passed Taemin, with the same trick Junmyeon thought of. If Chanyeol was aware of his driving habits, then props to him, he thought. And now all that was left was Baekhyun.

It was the last lap, and the two favourites were in the first two positions. It was tense. Junmyeon hoped Baekhyun didn't notice, because it could really fuck with his psyche. If he just stayed focused on the road, not the billboards showing the positions or his rear-view mirror, he'd be fine. He had to be. Junmyeon's leg was jumping up and down and his hand was up to his face.

Chanyeol got close to Baekhyun. There was no way Baekhyun wouldn't notice him now. Junmyeon bit his lip. Baekhyun sped up, but so did Chanyeol. Only a few more curves and they'd be at the finish line. But a lot of things could happen by then.

The distance kept getting shorter and shorter. Junmyeon was beginning to lose hope. Baekhyun was good, though. So was his bike. He just had to stay calm. But Chanyeol was so close, Junmyeon was sure he'd surpass him by the last curve.

And then something odd happened. Or, maybe Junmyeon was overthinking it. But he was sure that if Chanyeol kept going at that same speed, he'd get to first place. And it seemed like he slowed down at just the right moment so that didn't happen. 

There was no way he did it on purpose though. He must've thought it would be enough.

Junmyeon, as well as the rest of the pub, got out to meet the victors. Taemin joined them shortly after.

Baekhyun laughed out loud. Junmyeon went towards him. "Fuck you all for thinking I lost it!" And Junmyeon had to run up to him to stop him from saying anything else.

"Baek." He gave him a look of warning, and Baekhyun rolled his eyes. But, he didn't say anything.

Chanyeol walked up to them. Baekhyun straightened his back and kept eye contact with him. Chanyeol extended his arm.

"Good race. Congrats."

Baekhyun scoffed, but under Junmyeon's gaze, he took Chanyeol's hand and shook it. He even said, "You too. Better luck next time."

Chanyeol laughed then noticed Junmyeon. He pointed a finger at him. "You're Junmyeon?"

"Yeah?" 

He smiled. "Sehun told me about you. You're cuter in person."

Junmyeon blushed. Baekhyun was confused. "What's he talking about?"

"Oh..." Chanyeol gasped. Then laughed. "It's nothing, really." Baekhyun gave him a side eye.

Junmyeon saw Sehun approach them. He fixed his clothes up quickly. They haven't talked in person since the previous Saturday, but they talked over messages a lot, and they even called once. It was a nice break of Junmyeon's usually dull routine. And Sehun was good at reminding him to eat.

"Hey." He was panting and sweaty, but he still looked stunning. 

Junmyeon could already feel his cheeks hurting. "Hey." Sehun and him stared at each other for a bit while everyone else was busy talking.

Then Sehun got a little brave and put a hand around Junmyeon's shoulder. He felt so... Fitting around him. How Sehun' was just the right height to comfortably wrap himself around Junmyeon. He was big and comfortable. "Chanyeol tell any embarrassing stories about me yet?"

Junmyeon and Chanyeol laughed, while Baekhyun was trying to figure the situation by himself. "No, no," Junmyeon assured him. Then he turned to Chanyeol. "But, I wouldn't mind..."

"Don't you dare," Sehun warned them. They laughed again.

\---

Baekhyun kicked a stone. "So, you two dating now?"

"Well, we haven't talked about that yet..." They were in front of Junmyeon's building, because it was dark and Junmyeon didn't have a ride home.

"Right." Baekhyun was looking up at the sky, the white moonlight shining on him. Maybe it was a streetlight, though. The air in Seoul was kind of polluted.

"You want up?" he suggested.

Baekhyun scoffed. "Go ask your boyfriend." Junmyeon snickered. "Kidding. I would, but Jongin won't be home tonight so I wanna make use of it." The glint in his eyes was telling.

"Right..."

"I got first place tonight! That's gonna earn me, like, a fivesome at least."

Junmyeon shook his head. "You're disgusting." Baekhyun laughed.

He patted Junmyeon's arm. "Hey. I'm happy for you."

Those words meant a lot coming from Baekhyun. Junmyeon thought about them while he was getting ready for bed.

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Baekhyun was happy for him. Sehun liked him. Most likely. Then he caught glimpse of his necklace.

Did he deserve any of it, though? He felt so guilty for feeling content even for a brief second. He didn't. Not someone like Junmyeon. 

He got into his bed, but the air felt different. He was suddenly very aware of his left leg.

Sehun sent him a goodnight message. With a little emoticon heart. Junmyeon didn't respond. He didn't think he'd be having a good night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so not worth the wait im sorry i just couldn't put it off for much longer ive just been so unhappy w my writing but i didn't want u guys to wait too long and aaagggdg hope it makes sense umm i appreciate comments lol it helps w the confidence
> 
> MAX THIS IS FOR U my fave boy (after junmyeon ofc) hope u like it
> 
> im also working on an obsessionverse oneshot too if u like angst and baekchen stay tuned it's gonna hurt a lot
> 
> oh and if you have twitter or ig and you want us to be mutuals my twt is @yyxycbx and ig is @myeon4u ooookkkkkk let's be friends or sth

Baekhyun was feeling odd that night.

He kept striking out with girls – well, it wasn't exactly him who was striking out. For some reason, Baekhyun didn't feel like taking anyone home, no matter how much he tried to force himself to play along with any random girl's flirt. And that was very odd. As that night's victor, he deserved a prize. But he wasn't feeling satisfied enough with himself to take it.

Jongin was working the midnight shift at the Desert Fox, so Baekhyun had the whole apartment to himself. He was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing he'd gone home with that tall girl and her friend – because listening to the clock ticking, alone, in the dark, was a pretty chilling experience. 

In that moment, he remembered Junmyeon's offer to sleep over at his place and regretted not taking it. Junmyeon always knew what was best for him, even before Baekhyun could notice anything wrong. But, he was probably sound asleep by then. And it'd be rather selfish of Baekhyun to wake him up. He'd have to fill the silence with something else.

The ivory cabinet in the kitchen was always too tall for Baekhyun to reach. _Of course._ Jongin always made sure about things like that. But, Baekhyun wasn't one to give up so quickly. He stood on a chair, and as shaky as it was, he was not scared. Not a single bit. Even though he didn't bother to turn the lights on. He opened the cabinet to take a bottle of whiskey out. His trusty old friend Johnnie. If he arranged the other bottles in there well, Jongin would never see anything missing.

Baekhyun sat down on the chair and brought the bottle up to his lips. It was cold, heavy. He took a sip and felt the weight of it in his chest almost immediately. He closed his eyes and let his head hang back. What exactly was he missing that night? He clenched his jaw before taking another chug. He never felt so dissatisfied with a victory. And this one should have felt so good. Because he proved he was the better driver. He beat Chanyeol.

_Chanyeol..._ Baekhyun chugged the whiskey again, a bit of it escaping his mouth, the cold liquid dripping down his jaw, travelling down his neck, wetting the collar of his shirt. Chanyeol didn't even care. (Baekhyun's eyes started to sting.) He spared Baekhyun one glance, then turned to someone else, a giant grin on his face while he was congratulating everyone else. Baekhyun got the same treatment as the rest. Which meant that Chanyeol considered him to be the same as them. Beneath him. Which was simply unacceptable. 

The bottle felt lighter in his hands now – a quarter of it was gone. Baekhyun groaned as he slumped forward in the chair, feeling his head grow heavy by the second. He rested it in his hand, to stop it from swaying. He'd pause with the drinking for the time being.

The clock was still ticking, still drilling that perfectly timed, torturous rhythm into his brain. Why didn't Chanyeol think of him as the best? Did he have to prove himself more? Or was that tonight just some mind trick Chanyeol was playing on him, to throw Baekhyun off so he could win the race next time?

Baekhyun laughed, low and dark, the sound echoing through the empty house. He'd figured Chanyeol out. He just wanted to get into Baekhyun's head. And it worked. Baekhyun couldn't stop thinking about him. But that would stop right then. Because Baekhyun wouldn't let anyone mess with him like that.

He tried getting up. The chair scratched the floor when he pushed it back, and the cacophony rung in his ears while he stumbled to the counter, where the landline phone was. They never used it, since barely anyone used a landline phone anymore. Baekhyun grabbed the phone and tried not to drop it (everything seemed to be more slippery after a few drinks), tried to type in the numbers correctly with his left hand only, since he was holding the bottle in his right.

The line rang. Once. Twice. And then he picked up. _"Baekhyun?"_

Baekhyun knew he should have felt guilty for waking Junmyeon up. "Sorry for calling so late," he slurred, sniffing. "I was just–"

_"No, I'm– I'm glad you called,"_ Junmyeon said, easing Baekhyun's conscience. _"Why did you?"_

Baekhyun thought about it. He wasn't sure. He just needed to call someone. And whenever he needed someone, he went to Junmyeon. It was natural, to be expected. "Bad night. I guess." He burped. Junmyeon laughed lightly on the other line, a tired chuckle somewhere in the back of his throat. 

_"Yeah, me too."_ Junmyeon yawned, causing Baekhyun to yawn too, so he didn't quite hear the beginning of, _"I'm not sleeping well at all. I just woke up from this... Dream."_

Baekhyun nodded. "What was it?" he asked, but Junmyeon just made some incoherent noise. He probably didn't want to talk about it.

He could hear Junmyeon shifting. _"Do you want to come over now?"_

Baekhyun groaned. "Yeah. But I drank. Can't drive." Junmyeon sighed. "Can you come over?"

After a few seconds of silence, Junmyeon said, _"Yeah. On my way."_

"Wait, wait, wait," Baekhyun rushed to say, panicked. "Stay on the line." He couldn't bear any more silence. That clock was driving him insane. He ought to get rid of that thing.

_"I can't drive and talk over the phone."_ It sounded like he was dressing up.

"Just..." Baekhyun whined, trying his best to convince him. "Please. Just keep it on."

Junmyeon sighed. Baekhyun heard keys jingle in the background. _"Fine."_

And so, Baekhyun focused on the things happening around Junmyeon. The locking of his door. His footsteps in the empty hallways. Opening the car door. The engine starting. He pressed the headphone as hard as he could against his ear, and gulped down another sip of his whiskey.

_"Are you still drinking?"_

Baekhyun scoffed. "No." Then he drank some more.

_"I'll be there soon. Don't do anything stupid,"_ Junmyeon warned him. Then, for the next eight minutes (and he knew, if he was any good at counting seconds), all Baekhyun heard was the dull sound of tires against the road, and the occasional shift of gears.

Junmyeon stayed on the line until he got to Baekhyun's apartment.

Baekhyun opened the door, still holding the bottle, now just over half empty. Junmyeon immediately took it from him,which wasn't difficult considering Baekhyun's state. He shook the bottle in front of his face. "How full was this when you started drinking?"

"Uh, pretty..." Baekhyun just stared at the bottle for a few seconds, leaning onto the wall. "Pretty full."

Junmyeon rubbed his own forehead and went further into the apartment. He left the bottle on a table, took his jacket off and put it over a chair. Baekhyun felt his eyelids grow heavier, and soon enough he was having trouble keeping then open. "Let's sleep," he said, waiting for Junmyeon to agree and drag him to the room. Which he did.

"You sure you don't want to go to the bathroom before–"

"I don't feel like throwing up. Ever," Baekhyun said, sitting on the edge of his bed. He bounced up and down a few times. Then went quiet. "Is this not weird?"

Junmyeon laid down on the bed. "What?"

Baekhyun turned his head to look at him over the shoulder. "You have a boyfriend and you're sleeping with me."

"Don't be ridiculous," Junmyeon tried to assure him, but Baekhyun could tell the hesitation in his voice. He lifted the covers. "We're practically brothers."

He'd take it. He was too tired to argue back. And he didn't want to sleep alone. "Yeah..."

Baekhyun crawled under the covers, snuggling into his pillow. He put the covers up to his nose and crawled into a ball, something he always did, not leaving Junmyeon with much space. Junmyeon didn't seem to care, though. 

The clock was still irritating, but Junmyeon's breathing covered it up pretty well. Baekhyun turned to face him, tracing circles into the mattress. He heard Junmyeon sigh.

"What is it, Baek?"

Junmyeon's voice was coarse, struggled to come out. Baekhyun stopped his movements. He looked at Junmyeon, barely making him out in the dark. "What do you mean?"

"Whenever you start doing things like that, you want to talk about something." His eyes were closed. He must've been tired. Baekhyun felt his throat close up at the realisation that he actually forced him out of his house at such a late hour. "Just ask."

Baekhyun gripped his covers tightly. He did have things he wanted to talk about, he just didn't know how to verbalise them. He wasn't the type to talk about things like that, at least not directly. He'd just wait for someone to figure out what was bothering him, and that was usually Junmyeon. But when not even Junmyeon could figure it out, Baekhyun kept burying his worries down until they were (seemingly) forgotten.

Junmyeon looked like he was asleep. Baekhyun spoke quietly. "I'm worried you'll forget about me."

"What?" Apparently, Junmyeon wasn't sleeping. "Why would I?"

It was an embarrassing thing to admit. Baekhyun was torn between answering it honestly and pretending to sleep. "It's just... Sehun..." He couldn't complete the thought. Sehun, and how close him and Junmyeon could become, and eventually Junmyeon and Baekhyun would drift apart because Sehun would not only be his boyfriend, but also a better friend to him. Baekhyun knew he wasn't the best friend in the world, and the only reason Junmyeon stuck with him was because he didn't have anyone else.

"You really are ridiculous," Junmyeon said, hugging Baekhyun closer. "Having a boyfriend and a best friend isn't mutually exclusive."

"But, what if he thinks that–"

"Baek. Stop thinking about this–" Junmyeon yawned. "There's nothing to worry about. Sehun's a good guy. He wouldn't." 

Baekhyun laughed softly into his chest, mostly from tiredness. And the alcohol. "I want to meet him."

"You will."

"I need to–" he burped, causing Junmyeon to groan. He pressed a finger to Junmyeon's chest. "I need to approve of him before I give you away."

Junmyeon laughed. "You will. Now go to sleep, you big baby." He stroked Baekhyun's shoulder. The clock wasn't as audible anymore.

–––

It was Sunday. Baekhyun and Junmyeon were outside of the restaurant Taemin was celebrating his birthday at. A place too cute for Baekhyun's liking, or at least that's what he tried to convince himself. It was bright and in the open, full of light and greenery, and the garden was reserved for them only. Taemin didn't seem like the type to organise something so intimidate, but Baekhyun knew he cared for his family. He just had a different way of showing it than verbally. Sort of like Baekhyun, if he even had a way of showing it. He wasn't sure if he was any good at it in any way. Or if he even cared.

Junmyeon was nervous next to him, tightly hugging the gift to his chest. Baekhyun nudged him with his shoulder. "Jun, it's gonna be fine."

"You think he'll like it?" he asked, eyes comically large and full of worry. Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

"Of course he will." And he'd better. Baekhyun was the one who chose the gift. Junmyeon was so busy panicking over it the past few days, Baekhyun decided he couldn't stand him anymore and bought it himself. It was nothing special – just three copies of the original Star Wars trilogy and a bag of microwavable popcorn. Which would've been too plain in any other scenario, but it was quite reminiscent of their old group gatherings – they'd marathon the movies about once a year, the five of them, all with a giant bucket of popcorn, which that little bag wouldn't be able to fill, but it was the symbolism that mattered. They hadn't watched the movies in the three years. Well, Baekhyun could only vouch for himself that he hadn't. 

Junmyeon seemed to loosen up next to him. "Alright," he whispered, and then they walked into the restaurant. The waiter guided them to the garden when they told him what they were there for.

As soon as Baekhyun stepped foot in the garden – which was quite small, and it had a little stone path that led to a circular platform with only one wooden table in the middle, and it had so much grass and flowers and bushes around it that it looked like they were in the middle of a forest – yes, just as quickly as Baekhyun entered that fairly tale, it turned into a nightmare. Because his eyes landed on none other than Chanyeol.

"The fuck is he doing here?" he spat, stopping in his tracks. Junmyeon pushed him forward.

"Baek, if I can survive two hours, so can you," he said, dragging being him a grumpy Baekhyun. All he could look at was Chanyeol, and his stupid black hair– black hair? Wasn't it white just a few days ago? He must've dyed it. Not that either of those colours fit him at all.

Baekhyun scanned the table quickly. Taemin was in the center, with an empty spaces to his right and Jongin to his left. Next to Jongin was Naeun, and then on the shorter side of the table sat Chanyeol. There were two free spots across from Jongin and Naeun, next to which were Sehun and Wonshik. Junmyeon would probably sit next to Sehun, and the other two free spots were most likely reserved for Taemin's parents, which meant that...

No. Baekhyun was not going to sit next to Chanyeol.

"Happy birthday," Junmyeon said, handing Taemin the present over the table. He held his hands in front of him, nervous. Taemin took it with a wide smile and looked inside. Baekhyun really wasn't sure what Junmyeon was so nervous around Taemin anymore, but he presumed it was things unexplainable to the both of them. It was something Junmyeon had to work through by himself. Or, by talking to Taemin. To his knowledge, the two never had a conversation about what had happened. And Baekhyun could tell Junmyeon that it wasn't his fault as much as he liked, but it wouldn't be of help unless Taemin was the one who was saying it.

Taemin took out the DVD case from the bag and just stared at it for a few seconds. His eyes were glistening with a mixture of fondness and nostalgia when he looked up at Junmyeon. "This is really sweet," he said, then looked back into the bag. "Oh, you even got the popcorn!" 

"Same brand," Baekhyun added. Taemin smiled at the both of them.

"Thanks, you two," Taemin said, as Junmyeon was taking a seat next to Sehun, a bit timid. "This was really... Unexpected." He chuckled, putting the content back into the bag, and the bag under the table.

Junmyeon patted the empty chair next to him. "It was all Baekhyun, if I'm honest–" he looked over his shoulder at Baekhyun. "Baek?"

Baekhyun slowly took the chair out, glancing at Chanyeol. Chanyeol was staring up at him, his elbows on the armrest. Baekhyun tried to pretend he wasn't there.

They passed the time by chatting while they were getting their drinks and slowly drinking them. ("Did you guys hear? A few countries are organising a joint moto racing cup. They might even get countries from outside of Asia to attend."

"Ah... The pros get everything...") Baekhyun didn't talk too much. He observed. Jongin sitting next to Naeun was quite the awkward thing, especially when she'd talk to Taemin. Naeun was primarily a friend of Taemin's, but they were also known to be together, in some way. Taemin had a lot of so-called relationships, but Naeun was the one he grew closest to. He noticed the way Jongin was leaned slightly towards Taemin the entire time, how his laugh was just exaggerated enough to notice, how he'd butt in to every conversation. Jongin was so obvious it hurt. Baekhyun wondered if Taemin ever noticed it.

Then, there were Junmyeon and Sehun. They talked between each other, but mostly with the others, maybe so as not to give off too much of a honeymoon couple vibe. But Junmyeon was playing with Sehun's palm with his hands, and Sehun would occasionally whisper something into his ear which made him flustered and his cheeks pink. Baekhyun felt a sting of jealousy, but he remembered Junmyeon's words from the other night. There was no reason for Baekhyun to doubt their friendship.

Still. He felt like a bit of a third wheel. Wonshik, Junmyeon and Sehun were in a heated discussion, and Baekhyun didn't really feel like joining the three across from him. But that only left him with Chanyeol.

He wasn't particularly keen on talking with Chanyeol, but he felt it was too late to join any other conversation for the time being. He turned to Chanyeol, who was talking to Naeun and was just finishing up an anecdote about his apparently very disobedient dog. He noticed Baekhyun staring and held eye contact with him for a few seconds, causing Baekhyun to look away. Baekhyun tried focusing on another conversation, but all he could hear was Chanyeol's deep voice and, "...so that's why I never take Toben out for walks again, at least not by myself." How annoying.

After a few seconds of mindlessly staring around, his cough caught Baekhyun's attention and he involuntarily looked at Chanyeol. He had a lazy smile on his face. "I didn't take you for the sentimental type," he said, and Baekhyun wasn't sure if it was in a condescending manner. He grimaced.

"I'm not sentimental." Really, he didn't know why Chanyeol would assume so.

"Right...," Chanyeol dragged out, and Baekhyun felt like he was being analysed under his gaze. Chanyeol took a sip from his drink and put it on the table. "So... Star Wars?"

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. "Yes...," he said, trying to figure out where Chanyeol was going with that. "Why?"

"No reason. I like it too." Chanyeol shrugged. He looked around the garden. Baekhyun couldn't help but notice that he was dressed down compared to how he looked the other times they'd seen each other. Just a plain white t-shirt and shorts. Chanyeol ran a hand through his hair and put a baseball hat on. He had a tattoo on his arm, although Baekhyun couldn't make out what it was.

"How come you chose it for a gift?"

"Huh?" Baekhyun didn't notice when he looked back at him. Chanyeol laughed, and Baekhyun glared. "It's– it was just a thing we used to do in the past."

"Ah," Chanyeol leaned back in his chair. "Yes, I was completely wrong about you being sentimental."

"Hey," Baekhyun leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table and pointing at Chanyeol. "Don't patronise me. You're forgetting who won the last race."

Chanyeol chuckled. He leaned forward as well, so their eyes were on the same level. Baekhyun felt like his personal space has been breached. "And you're forgetting that we're tied."

Baekhyun glared. Chanyeol's eyes were really big. And difficult to look at. Baekhyun threw himself back into his chair. "Whatever..." He was feeling antsy, fiddling with his thumbs.

He asked, "Hey, Taem, when are we ordering food?" The other conversations gradually stopped as everyone realised they were getting hungry as well. Taemin scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, I was planning on waiting for my parents, but if you guys are hungry...," he looked at everyone and their hopeful faces. He took in a sharp breath. "Can I just check where they are?"

"Sure," said Jongin, always ready to reassure his friend. He'd probably spent most of the birthday just staring at Taemin. It was funny.

Baekhyun looked back at Chanyeol, expecting them to continue their conversation. Chanyeol was back to speaking with Naeun, though. Baekhyun clicked his tongue. It wasn't like he had anything else to say to him.

"Um," Taemin said, looking down at his phone. He waved with his hand. "You guys can order, if you'd like."

"What about your parents?" someone asked. Maybe Wonshik, or Sehun. Baekhyun didn't have his entire focus on the table anymore, so he didn't quite catch who it was.

"Oh." Taemin smiled. It was tight, the kind of smile everyone could tell was just for show. "They're, um, too busy to make it– it's okay, really." He straightened his back and chuckled. "Don't give me any pity looks okay? Just, enjoy the lunch."

Baekhyun never knew what Taemin's relationship with his parents was like. He knew that Jongin's lived in one of the suburbs of Seoul and they were often in contact, probably at least called each other every day. (His mother sometimes even refused to hang up if he didn't put Baekhyun on the phone.) And Junmyeon's lived way off in some small town, or village, but they were on good terms. And Baekhyun... Baekhyun didn't have parents. But he never felt like he lacked anything.

The lunch continued on a more awkward note, but they got comfortable again after some time. Baekhyun found out that Taemin and Chanyeol got along well, but he concluded that the most probable reason for inviting him to the party was so Junmyeon had Sehun around. No way did Taemin like Chanyeol so much, though they did talk a lot. More than Baekhyun talked to either of them. Maybe they really were meant to be friends.

When it was time to go home, Junmyeon looked more content than when they first arrived. "You had an okay time?"

Junmyeon nodded. "Yeah. It was better than I thought." They were walking down the road, the sky above them a mixture of pink and purple. The sun was still there, but the moon was visible. Baekhyun could never figure out how it was possible he could see the moon and the sun at the same time. Even more than that, he wondered what the other side of the moon was, the one forever hidden from their eyes. Another one of nature's mysteries.

"You had a good time too, didn't you?" Junmyeon asked, bumping Baekhyun with his shoulder. He gave Baekhyun a look he couldn't quite decipher. Baekhyun just shrugged in response. Junmyeon snickered. "You and Chanyeol seemed to get along."

Baekhyun was appalled. "No. What the fuck?"

"You guys talked a lot!" Junmyeon tried defending himself. He raised his arms. "It just seemed that way. Sheesh, relax."

Baekhyun kicked a can nearby his feet. He had his hands in his pockets. "I don't like him. I just talked to him when I had no one else to." Junmyeon hummed in response and didn't say anything else. Baekhyun thought he wasn't convinced. So, he continued, "I'm serious! He's the last person I'd want to have contact with."

"I didn't say anything!" Junmyeon laughed. Baekhyun didn't like that. "I got it the first time. You don't like Chanyeol..." 

Baekhyun would have been satisfied with that had Junmyeon not added, "Or, do you?"

"No! Stop it!" Baekhyun was beginning to feel irritated. Junmyeon kept laughing, the way he always did whenever he'd tell any one of his lame jokes. 

"Are you sure? You'd be great friends."

"No way," Baekhyun said, wanting to finish that conversation up as quickly as possible. "The last thing I want to be is his friend."

Junmyeon tilted his head and smiled at Baekhyun, his rosy cheeks giving the evening sky a run for its money. "Alright, I believe you." But something in his voice made Baekhyun think they weren't on the same page.

Junmyeon... That annoying idiot.

–––

Baekhyun couldn't remember the last time Jongin spent the night at their apartment. So, it was a bit weird having him sit on the other end of the couch.

The TV, the only source of light, painted the room in pale blue. Baekhyun rarely watched television, but Jongin insisted on watching a movie. He was huddled with some pillows under a blanket, his feet occasionally brushing Baekhyun's thigh. It'd been a while since they did something together, just the two of them. Even if this was just them hanging out in the place both of them lived in.

They were watching some romantic comedy, not quite of Baekhyun's liking. It was about a pair of best friends that obviously had feelings for each other, but they couldn't admit it to each other. Right now, the girl was visibly uncomfortable when she bumped into said bedt friend, the guy she liked, at a mall. He was alone with some other girl. Baekhyun was really getting tired of that.

"I don't get it," he commented, hands crossed on his chest. (His hair was getting long, already bothering his eyes.) "Didn't they kiss once already? What's taking them so long?"

Jongin threw a popcorn at his face. "Shut up, Baekhyun. You don't get it," he whined, talked through a pout, the way he usually did. "It's complicated."

"But they kissed!"

"It's not that easy!" Jongin retaliated, getting way more into the argument than necessary. Baekhyun scoffed, brushing his hair out of his face.

"Fine... Man, I struck a nerve," he said, knowing just what buttons to press to enrage Jongin more. Jongin nudged him hard with his foot and Baekhyun flinched, fighting back by tickling his sole. Jongin pulled his leg back, almost falling off the couch. Baekhyun let out a loud laugh, that scene making him laugh more than the entire movie.

Jongin glared at him. "Shush, you're gonna make me miss the movie." Baekhyun didn't know Jongin liked the movie that much. In fact, he was sure that Jongin didn't even know the name of the movie. They found it by flipping the channels, Baekhyun decided to read the description just to get a laugh before moving on, but that was when Jongin told him he really wanted to watch it. And, since it was the first in many nights Jongin was at the apartment, Baekhyun decided it'd be better to keep him in the living room than to shoo him away. The things he sacrificed for that boy.

His phone buzzed and the screen lit up. Baekhyun checked to see the message, not bothered by missing a few seconds of the movie. It was Junmyeon telling him to turn the moto channel on. He typed in and sent a _'why'_ , and Junmyeon just replied with a _Turn it on!'_ , so Baekhyun compiled.

"Jongin, can we switch the channel for a minute? Junmyeon's insisting," he said. Jongin was second guessing, but Baekhyun lost enough time and braincells on that stupid movie. He turned on to 'Moto1' without Jongin's approval. He rarely watched it himself. The newer racers annoyed him. Old ones were better, more genuine, so he'd only watch the channel when there were reruns of those during throwback weeks. He didn't even know the current top racers – though, that wasn't really necessary. He was _the_ top racer. Better than all of those frauds. Combined.

(Then he remembered Chanyeol and tried to forget the entire train of thought that led him there.)

It was news. The reporter, dressed in a grey tuxedo, spoke in front of a bunch of tiny screens that showed races, probably from that season.

"The South Korean Moto Association has surprised the public with their proposal of including non professional motorcyclist, or street racers as they call themselves, in the preliminary races for the upcoming Grand Prix," he spoke, voice formal and heavy. Baekhyun was leaning forward, trying to process what he'd just heard. SKorMA was actually thinking of including them?

The man on the TV continued, "Their reasoning behind this decision was the rising popularity of street racing in big cities, Seoul specifically. Their scouts said they've noticed big talent in some of those racers, and that they'd be happy to give everybody a chance to participate." Could it be a fever dream? Baekhyun listened, and although he was gripping the couch beneath him, filled with budding excitement, he couldn't help but feel a bit skeptical.

"They've already spoken with Seoul's street race organisers, and the final decision should be revealed in the next week."

Baekhyun zoned out after that, too overwhelmed with thoughts of new possibilities. Shit. He actually had a shot at it. At proving the entire world that he was the best.

But then again, SKorMA and the pro racers had always looked down on them, never saw them as equals. Baekhyun couldn't stand them, couldn't stand how elitist racing had become. This could've just been a decision to put them down even further, to show how they weren't on the same level. 

Well, if that was the case, Baekhyun would be happy to show them just how much they weren't on the same level. Just how much he was further ahead of them. He smiled at the thought of embarrassing the big shots.

–——

That Wednesday was really boring, and really hot. Baekhyun was sprawled out on his bed, dressed as down as possible, put the air-conditioning on the highest setting. 

Jongin had gone out to do shopping. Baekhyun was too lazy, but he ended up regretting that decision. He looked at the clock. It was almost four. Junmyeon would be done with work soon. He could wait for him to finish. Or, he could go to his work.

Being the impatient type, Baekhyun decided on the latter.

Perhaps he was overdressed for the weather, but Baekhyun liked his leather jacket. The one with an '04' on the back of it. It was a gift from Minho. Baekhyun was confused about the number at first, but Minho explained it was because the fourth batter in baseball is the most important one. Baekhyun wasn't sure what baseball had to do with him or racing, but Minho was into a lot of sports, and he knew better than to bring his little lessons and sayings into question.

(He only had a tank top under it, so he decided it was alright.)

When he got to the bed and breakfast, Baekhyun was surprised to see Junmyeon wasn't alone. Sehun was there, talking with him over the counter. And if Sehun was there, then...

"Baekhyun? What brings you here?" 

Baekhyun turned his head to see Chanyeol, sitting at one of the tables and sipping on ice coffee. They were looking at each other, question hanging in the air.

He answered, "Can't I visit my friend?" Baekhyun still had a frown on his face, but Chanyeol smiled around his straw. 

Junmyeon finally noticed him. "Baekhyun! I didn't know you were coming," he said, detaching himself from Sehun and coming to greet him. Sehun didn't seem too happy about that, judging by the pout and the hand left hanging.

"I just wanted to see if you were free to hang out," Baekhyun said, leaning against the wall. Then he quickly looked between Sehun and Chanyeol before going back to Junmyeon. "But, I guess you're not."

"Well, I'm going out with Sehun now," Junmyeon said, obviously sad he let a friend down. Ah, Baekhyun did it again. He looked down. "Next time?" Junmyeon tried.

Baekhyun waved him off. "Nah, it's cool. Have fun."

And just when Baekhyun was about to make an awkward exit, Chanyeol jumped up and said the last thing Baekhyun wanted to hear,

"I'm free to hang out."

And Baekhyun really didn't want to be near Chanyeol for longer than necessary, if at all. His face was annoying, his voice was annoying, his existence in its entirety bothered Baekhyun and plagued his mind. He found himself thinking of Chanyeol in the weirdest moments. It filled him with so much unreasonable rage. Well, maybe it wasn't that unreasonable. It was Chanyeol he was thinking about.

But for some reason, maybe it was Junmyeon's sad eyes or Sehun obviously wanting to be left alone with his boyfriend as soon as possible, Baekhyun said, "Okay."

Chanyeol was already up. "You wanna drive together?" 

Baekhyun didn't know what to say, or what he wanted to do. Maybe they could drive. Maybe Baekhyun could show him somewhere Chanyeol definitely didn't visit so he'd have to drive behind. He smirked at his shoes. Yeah, that was perfect.

"Sure. You ever been to the desert?" he asked, hoping Chanyeol said no.

"Nope," he answered, and Baekhyun was full of satisfaction.

He said, "Alright. I'll lead the way." And then they were out.

Baekhyun inspected him as they were preparing for the drive. Chanyeol had a sleeveless black jacket over a sleeveless shirt, so he got a clearer view of his tattoos. Then Chanyeol caught him staring and raised and eyebrow. Baekhyun just frowned and looked away. He was just curious. There was nothing weird there.

"Ready to go?" Chanyeol asked, helmet already on and the engine started. Baekhyun panicked, not quite as ready himself. He fumbled with his helmet before putting it on, definitely not nearly dropping it. He responded by turning on his own engine and driving away.

He looked in the rearview mirror. Chanyeol was keeping up well. They were driving through the city in a busy hour, so he didn't want to go too fast. He was itching to pick up speed though, but the circumstances simply didn't allow it. He comforted himself with the thought that the desert was close.

The southeast gate led to the desert. If they went to the northern one, the roads would lead them through a green and cool area, but the south was way different. They drove for almost an hour, passing through different parts of the city. The center was modern and full of other vehicles, the buildings tall and the whole area was pretty dark; Then, the further they went, there were less buildings, and the houses were separated from each other more. The roads seemed to be of less quality too, and were lighter and more dry from the heat. People there lived in small, one-story houses, or trailers, and they drove bikes and smaller cars, and had dogs on their backyards that barked as Baekhyun and Chanyeol drove by.

As soon as they left the residential area, Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol speeding up until he was at the same place as him. Baekhyun looked to his left, at Chanyeol, then sped up so he got just a little bit in the front. But Chanyeol did the same back. And so, they repeated it a few more times before Baekhyun decided it was enough games, and fully stepped onto the pedal. Chanyeol seemed to get the hint and caught up to him.

Baekhyun wasn't sure if he counted it as a race, but he didn't want to potentially lose again. They were now in the desert, the sound of their motorcycles almost deafening in its silence. He was thankful he hadn't forgotten his earplugs. At times Chanyeol would take the lead, but Baekhyun knew how to maneuver in the desert. That was his territory, and he wouldn't let some newbie take it away.

Seeing Chanyeol slowly give up on winning was satisfactory, but not as much as Baekhyun had hoped. Him giving up wasn't the point. Baekhyun slowed down as well. Some other time...

They drove at a reasonable speed until they got to a cliff overlooking the desert. It was another one of Baekhyun's favourite places. He didn't even realise they drove so far.

They parked their motorcycles. Baekhyun took off his helmet and his jacket. It was just too hot. He'd get sunburn because he wasn't wearing any sunscreen, but he didn't care. Chanyeol though, he was prepared. He had sunscreen with him, for whatever reason, and applied it to his arms and other exposed skin. Baekhyun stared, too proud to ask for some himself.

Chanyeol threw the sunscreen in the air and caught it with his other hand. "You want some?" he asked, handing him the tube. Baekhyun grimaced, begrudgingly approaching and just stood there for a moment, waiting for Chanyeol to start putting the sunscreen on him. Chanyeol, instead, tilted his head in confusion and put the tube in Baekhyun's hand. Baekhyun blushed after realising his mistake.

"Right– me. That was my idea too," he said, avoiding eye contact while Chanyeol snickered. _Oh god,_ he though, trying not to feel too embarrassed.

Baekhyun sat down on the ground, looking at the desert beneath him. Seoul was to the left of them – it must've been at least an hour away. He hoped he had enough fuel, but he'd filled the tank up that morning. It should carry him until the first gas station, at least. 

Chanyeol sat next to him. It was silent for some time, neither of them speaking up. If he closed his eyes, Baekhyun could imagine he was there with someone else, or even alone. But Chanyeol's breaths were too loud for that. Baekhyun looked over. Chanyeol sat back, leaning on his arms, unlike Baekhyun who rested his arms on his knees. He had his eyes closed and head tilted towards the sun. Baekhyun looked back at the desert, not wanting to be caught staring for the third time that day. Chanyeol might get the wrong idea. Baekhyun did not want to befriend him, and he didn't want to give Chanyeol any hope regarding that. He was just doing him a favour by hanging out with him.

He picked up a little orange stone from the ground and threw it over the cliff. The silence was starting to bother him. Why wasn't Chanyeol saying anything? Baekhyun started to draw in the dust by trailing his finger on the ground.

"This is my favourite place, you know?" he said, unsure as to why those were his first words. Why he even said that of all things either. 

Chanyeol hummed. "It's rad," he said, and it wasn't the answer Baekhyun expected. He almost laughed. Then Chanyeol asked, "Why?"

Baekhyun shrugged. He didn't know. "Never thought about that, I guess."

They went silent again. Well, that was a dull conversation starter. Baekhyun shared sensitive information for nothing. He pressed his finger into the ground more. Whatever. He didn't want to talk with Chanyeol anyway.

Then his deep voice surprised him, made him flinch. "I get it, though," he said, still not looking at Baekhyun. Baekhyun felt like he had none of Chanyeol's attention, and he found that a tiny bit infuriating for some reason. "You're far away from the city, from anyone and anything that might bother you when you want to be by yourself," Chanyeol said. "The view is nice, too."

"I don't like being alone, though." Baekhyun was happy Chanyeol got it wrong. Not that much of a people's reader after all.

"I've noticed," Chanyeol said, and giggled. Then he finally looked at Baekhyun. Baekhyun was looking back at him through squinted eyes, because of the sun. And his hair. God, he really needed to visit a hairdresser. "But, I don't know, maybe you don't feel alone here even if you are by yourself," Chanyeol continued. 

Baekhyun thought that didn't make sense at first. But, why else would he go there? He thought back to all the times he was there. Then to the first time he went there. He was alone... No, he wasn't. He wasn't alone the first time. Nor was he alone the many times after that. That was Minho's place. He showed it to Baekhyun, and they'd spend time there whenever they needed to. Whenever Baekhyun needed to, that is. Somehow, Minho always knew. He had a sixth sense for that, just like Junmyeon did.

He was beginning to feel uncomfortable with such new revelations. He wanted to change the subject. "Yeah, the view is nice. It puts things into perspective," he said, and Chanyeol seemed to have been following his every word, gaze fixed on him. Baekhyun looked away, at the vast deserted land. It might've been bland to some, but it fascinated him. "Makes you think of how nature is capable of creating such giant things, but still we're small. Y'know? It humbles you, sort of." He felt like he was talking nonsense, unable to put his feelings into words. Chanyeol must've thought he was ridiculous.

Chanyeol chuckled. "Yeah, you do need humbling down sometimes," he said. Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "But I get that feeling. I get it when I think about the moon."

During their conversation, Chanyeol sat closer to Baekhyun – or did Baekhyun sit closer to him? Either way, they were right next to each other. Chanyeol continued, "Like, sometimes I imagine myself in space, right? And I'm floating and looking at the moon, and I wonder what that must be like? To see something so big. How much of it would I see? How small would I feel?"

Baekhyun didn't say anything. He imagined it himself – nothing around him, except for that giant piece of floating rock. How was it possible things so big even existed? "You know what I always wanted to know about the moon?" he asked.

Of course, Chanyeol didn't. He shook his head, like any curious little kid would.

"I want to know what the other side of it looks like. I mean, it's not like I know what this one is like," he said, drawing a crescent in the dust next to him. His fingers would be orange by the end. And then he'd get all of that on Meong – he'd have to get her cleaned up as soon as he'd get home. "But, this one, we'll never know what it's like. And that's why I want to know."

Chanyeol laughed, shaking his head. He then laid on the ground, his hands under his head. He groaned while stretching himself. "You know that album? 'The Dark Side of the Moon'?"

Baekhyun felt like he should have, just so Chanyeol didn't think he was a culturally uneducated tool, but, "No, I don't."

"Ah, a shame," Chanyeol smacked his lips. "That's a good record. You should give it a listen."

Then silence fell over them again. Baekhyun was surprised by how much he'd said by then. It wasn't exactly like him to talk about such things, especially not around someone like Chanyeol. He wasn't really thinking about it. It felt good to finally say some of his thoughts out loud, though – but he chose the just the right person to tell them to. Well, he couldn't take it back now. 

He laid down too, making sure his elbows didn't brush Chanyeol in any way. The sky was light blue, devoid of any pollution. It was never that clear in the city. The nights were starless, like gar. Nights in the desert were beautiful. It was nice during the day as well. There were a few clouds.

"Did you sign up for the qualification race?" Chanyeol then asked.

Of course he did. What did Chanyeol take him for? "Yeah," Baekhyun answered. The race was set for the upcoming Saturday. They'd be racing for participation in the preliminary race for the Grand Prix. There was nothing in the world Baekhyun would miss that for.

The heat was starting to become comfortable. Though Baekhyun was sweaty, he didn't mind it anymore. The warmth tingled his skin and he felt like a blanket covered him. Maybe it was just getting to his head. The clouds kept changing shape. Chanyeol raised an arm and pointed at one right above Baekhyun. "That one looks like a rabbit."

Baekhyun squinted. "No. That's obviously a bike."

Chanyeol laughed, louder than each time before. Baekhyun side eyed him. "Of course...," he said, laughter still clear in his voice. "I used to always cloud watch as a kid and make up shapes with my older sister."

Why Chanyeol decided to share such a story, Baekhyun wasn't sure. But he added onto it. "I did that too with the kids from my... neighborhood," he said. "I always won, of course."

Chanyeol chuckled. "How do you even win at cloud watching?" His voice was lazy and dragged out, probably because of the heat. And it was late afternoon. He talked without looking at Baekhyun, eyes fixated on the sky, which was slowly changing colour.

"I don't remember. But I did."

He heard Chanyeol say, "You really are something," but it was quieter than before, just a footnote to the conversation. Baekhyun turned to see Chanyeol still staring at the sky. Then he quickly looked back because he realised Chanyeol was just trying to get into his head. Tricked him into opening up and everything. Baekhyun let his guard down. He was such an idiot. Chanyeol probably thought he had the upper hand now. But he didn't, because Baekhyun figured him out on time. Figured out the game he was playing. He wouldn't say another word to Chanyeol for the rest of the day, that's what he decided. He wouldn't fall for any of his other tricks.

Chanyeol finally turned his head to look at Baekhyun and had the audacity to smile. Baekhyun tried glaring back, but he felt like he ended up looking too soft because Chanyeol didn't look bothered in the slightest.

Oh, he'd show Chanyeol. He wasn't just some idiot that could be played easily. He couldn't wait to see the look on Chanyeol's face when he wins again, and gets in the lead. Baekhyun was more determined than ever to wipe that grin off Chanyeol's stupid face. Maybe then he'd finally realise Baekhyun was the best and show him the respect he deserves. Maybe then Baekhyun would finally get Chanyeol off his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin deals with his insecurities. And Taemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my fave taekaists jana & max, and also to all of u who keep reading ily all really I appreciate every comment & read
> 
> Also!!! There's like slight nsfw or more exactly, implications of it, and there's drinking and smoking and cursing & shit like that umm idk how to add it to the warnings but I felt like I should mention just in case.

Jongin opened his eyes to an empty bed.

He reached out with his arm and patted the wrinkled, cold spot, eyes slowly adjusting to the pale sunlight coming from the window. He groaned into his pillow. He was feeling groggy, wanted to sleep more. But his stomach growled and the sweet scent of cooking coming from the kitchen was too tempting. He put on a pair of dark blue pyjama pants, maybe his, and got up.

Jongin walked through the halfway and leaned on the doorway of the kitchen, watching Taemin’s back as he was cooking eggs. Jongin smiled, opting not to mess with the picture just yet. Taemin, wearing only a white t-shirt and a pair of boxers, was standing in front of the oven and hummed to a tune coming from the radio. The morning sun shined in such a way that made Jongin think it rose every day just so it could land on Taemin.

It was sort of perfect. At least, it was good enough to make Jongin feel like this was any other morning for him – like this was routine, and Taemin cooked him breakfast every morning, and Taemin was his. Only his.

And so, he decided to play into his little story. Just for a short while. It wouldn’t hurt.

Jongin’s arms curled around Taemin’s waist, and Taemin gasped. Then chuckled. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

Jongin buried his face in Taemin’s neck and breathed in deeply. The shirt felt familiar under his touch, and so did the scent. It was his shirt. He planted a quick kiss where his lips were, then mumbled, “Heard your singing from the bedroom and had to get up to tell you to shut up.”

“He-ey!” Taemin looked at him over his shoulder and scrunched his face. Jongin smiled and pulled away. He sat on a chair, and noticed a plate was already there. He continued to watch Taemin. Taemin squirmed. “Don’t look at me, I don’t perform well under pressure!”

His laugh was sweet. Jongin couldn’t get rid of his dopey smile. “What about when you race?”

Taemin turned around and put the eggs from the frying pan to Jongin’s plate. “That’s different,” he said. Then he took a mug from the counter and placed it on the table. “Made you coffee, too. And by that I mean I warmed up milk and put, like, half a grain of coffee in it.”

Jongin rolled his eyes playfully, but Taemin knowing the way he liked his coffee – with a lot of milk and very sweet – made him happy. It was also bittersweet, in a way. He took a sip. Taemin sat down opposite of him and opened that day’s newspaper. Probably to do crosswords, as usual.

Jongin thought to ask Taemin about Junmyeon. Specifically, about how he felt towards him. If he harboured any resentment, or if Junmyeon was just making it all up. But, he didn’t want to potentially ruin Taemin’s mood on such a nice morning. Minho must’ve been difficult to talk about, even if Taemin didn’t seem to be affected by it in any way. But Jongin suspected that it was just as hard on him as it was on Junmyeon. So, instead, he asked, “You ready for that race tonight?”

Taemin turned a page. “Duh.”

About a month prior, it had been decided that the street racers of Seoul would participate in the upcoming qualification races for the Beijing Grand Prix. Not all of them though – only the five fastest would pass on to the next round. Then those five would race alongside fifteen pro racers in the grand dome in Busan. Jongin was sure Baekhyun and Chanyeol would be the top two in tonight’s race. And as for himself? He didn’t believe in himself quite that much.

The sounds of a fork scraping against the plate and a pen writing on paper, accompanied by a quiet jazz song on the radio, predicted a slow, calm morning. One Jongin would like to enjoy every day. Maybe with Taemin again. And again.

“What’s Irene’s real name?”

“Hm?” Jongin was snapped out of his daydream.

“Famous professional racer. Irene. Bae... I can’t remember.” Taemin put the pen between his lips. Jongin tried not to think about how soft they were.

“Joo... hyun?” Jongin tried. He wasn’t good with crosswords, or general knowledge. Taemin was always better. But he snapped his fingers and scribbled it down.

“Right! God, I–,” Taemin cut himself off and smiled after glancing at Jongin. Jongin kept eating his scrambled eggs. After a few more sighs and shy looks, Taemin put the newspaper down on the table and got up.

He walked over to Jongin and stood in front of him. Jongin raised an eyebrow. With one motion, Taemin turned Jongin so he was sitting in the chair sideways, facing him. He put a hand on Jongin’s shoulder and started to rub it slowly, going from his shoulder to the bottom of his neck in circles. Jongin slowed down his chewing and gulped.

“Last night was fun,” he said, trailing a finger up to Jongin’s cheek. 

“It was,” Jongin said, carefully. Taemin smiled and bit his lip, finger never leaving Jongin’s skin. He tilted his head to the side. Jongin blinked. “Taemin, I’m still eating.”

“Jongin,” Taemin whined, throwing his head back. “I’ve had a semi forever.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy.”

Taemin’s voice dropped. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He smirked and Jongin rolled his eyes, laughing. Taemin’s hand trailed down Jongin’s arm, stopping at his hand. He started to play with his fingers. Jongin tried to ignore him, head turned to his food, but his fingers involuntarily moved against Taemin’s. Taemin used that moment of weakness to move a leg in between Jongin’s knees, nudging them left and right.

Jongin sighed. “You’re impossible.” Taemin hummed. Jongin pulled him down so he was straddling his thigh, and kissed him. Taemin hummed again, this time against his lips, and sent a dull, buzzing feeling to every part of Jongin’s body. They kissed slowly, so slowly it was torturous, and Jongin was feeling impatient, and his chest stated to burn, but he didn’t want to rush it. He didn’t want it to feel like a quick fuck.

Taemin deepened the kiss, tongues sliding one over the other. He cupped Jongin’s face and held him gently, thumbs caressing his cheeks ever so lightly. He pulled away. “God I make such good eggs,” he said, turning to take a bite out of the now cold breakfast. Jongin laughed, nudging Taemin’s neck with his nose. He started to leave feathery kisses all over it, and Taemin giggled. Jongin lifted them up, Taemin’s arms sliding around his shoulders. They kissed again, walked out of the kitchen, bumped into the wall of the hallway. 

Jongin pushed him further against it, revelling in the way Taemin curled his fingers in his hair and how he tugged at it with just the right amount of force to make him moan. Taemin smiled against his lips. “You wanna do it in the hallway?”

Jongin shook his head. “Bed,” he managed to say, already struggling to form words, already drunk with want. He kissed him again. “It’s more...” _More romantic. More intimate. Feels less like a casual thing._ “...I wanna sleep some more after.”

Taemin giggled. “You big baby.” Jongin carried him to the bedroom, sat on the bed, Taemin in his lap. Taemin crawled out of his hold and sat on the bed. He put a hand on Jongin’s chest. Jongin felt like he was coming down with a fever. Taemin pushed him backwards, crawled on top of him. Kissed him again, while Jongin put a hand under his shirt, feeling the cool, soft skin. Taemin shuddered.

“You look cute in my shirt,” he couldn’t help but say. Taemin smiled. He pushed them against the headboard. Jongin slowly took his shirt off. Taemin took it and threw it on the side, smile wide and playful. He kissed Jongin’s shoulder, moved up his neck, to where it meets the ear. Jongin moaned when Taemin bit, hand grabbing his hair.

His eyes found his white t-shirt, somewhere on the floor. Next to a red bra that engraved itself in his mind, reminding him that him and Taemin were just friends. Friends that occasionally fucked because it was _fun_. Friends that messed around with other people.

Jongin shut his eyes. He wished he didn’t care so much. He kissed Taemin and let him take him away from his thoughts, at least for the next fifteen minutes.

———

Jongin was so preoccupied with Taemin, that he’d forgotten all about the morning training him and Baekhyun had arranged with Junmyeon.

“You’re late,” Junmyeon said, standing next to his car with his hands on his hips. One of the things Junmyeon cared about most was punctuality, so Jongin made sure he was never late to their practices. Others having to wait for him was embarrassing, and also made him feel bad. He hated disappointing Junmyeon. 

Baekhyun snickered next to Jongin, standing tall (well...) and proud next to his jet black bike. “Can’t believe you showed up after me.” The sun was burning through Jongin’s clothes already. Though the desert was the only available place they could train in, he wished there was a place less hot. Baekhyun got closer to Jongin and flicked his forehead. He clicked his tongue. “Didn’t expect that from Myeon’s golden boy.”

Jongin rubbed the place that stung. “Don’t get used to it” He looked over their usual route – it was filled with tires stacked one on top the other, and cones, and other upright items. Rather close to each other, so Jongin suspected they wouldn’t be driving at high speed that day. Junmyeon cleared his throat.

“We don’t really have time for chitchat,” he said, and Jongin got a sense of urgency from his tone. “I was thinking that you guys could use some steering practice before the race tonight,” he added, playing with the stopwatch in his hand. Baekhyun groaned. Junmyeon smacked his lips. “I know you like speed training, Baek, but there’s other things which are just as important.”

“Yeah, watch me fall asleep,” Baekhyun commented. Jongin chuckled into his hand, but quickly regained his composure when he saw Junmyeon shake his head.

Junmyeon was way too patient with them, Jongin had learned over the years, always has been. As a teenager, he found Junmyeon to be over the top with his act, but that was just the way he was. Careful and methodical to the point. And young little Jongin, who idolised Baekhyun a tad bit too much back then (and perhaps, still), had surely given him a hard time. But he had grown to appreciate him the more he grew up.

What balanced Junmyeon’s strictness and up-tight attitude was Minho. While Junmyeon scolded them for their mistakes and was generally pretty serious regarding moto racing, Minho was there to remind them to have fun. The whole point of driving a motorcycle was to have fun, to capture freedom and rival the wind. And while Jongin did become a technically better racer thanks to Junmyeon, the one who taught him how to genuinely enjoy racing was Minho. There was a sense of missing every time Jongin thought about it too much, whenever his mind wasn’t occupied enough. There was always one glass less on the table. It was hard to get used to some things, and other things were difficult to replace. Jongin sometimes really needed reassurance in the way only Minho could’ve given him.

“There’s another thing,” Junmyeon continued, approaching the two of them with... Shoelaces in his hands? Baekhyun and Jongin looked between each other. “Let’s also practice staying tucked in.”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asked. “Don’t we?”

“It could use some work,” Junmyeon said, and looked at Jongin. Jongin looked down. Of course he was the one to need such silly lessons. Like a child. “But it’s more so you guys can personally see how much you need to pay attention to that. So–“ he first walked over to Baekhyun, zipping his jacket up and tying one tip of the shoelace to the zipper. Baekhyun squirmed, but didn’t say anything. Then, Junmyeon did the same to Jongin.

“The course will first be for steering, and then...” Junmyeon looked into the distance, at the track, then to Baekhyun, “... Then, you’ll finish it as always. But, an emphasis on staying tucked in, okay?”

At the starting point, Junmyeon instructed them to tie the second end of the shoelace onto the ignition key. Then they set off.

Jongin was never too far behind Baekhyun when they’d start. The distance was created somewhere around the middle. Baekhyun mastered the art of self confidence, while Jongin couldn’t stop overthinking his every move. Junmyeon’s words from a few weeks ago passed through his head – _trust your bike, trust yourself._ And he was going to do that. He was doing great. But then he remembered Baekhyun’s words from the same day. Didn’t he call Jongin lame? 

And he was back on square one.

It was really childish of him to still be seeking Baekhyun’s approval. Baekhyun wasn’t the kind of person anyone should bother to impress, but for some reason, Jongin did. Even though Baekhyun was the unemployed one between the two, and the one with less friends, and a worse reputation. There was always a nagging feeling in him to keep trying more until Baekhyun acknowledged it. Until he said Jongin’s just as good as him, he wouldn’t believe anyone else.

When the two finished the course, Baekhyun obviously first, Junmyeon told them to check their zipper. And really, they were unzipped more than Jongin would’ve assumed. “That’s what I was talking about.” Junmyeon knew how to be a smartass when he tried.

“Yeah, yeah,” Baekhyun got off his bike and tried to take Junmyeon’s stopwatch. “What was my time?” He went to grab Junmyeon’s hand, but Junmyeon pulled it away and put it in the air. Baekhyun paused for a moment.

“I’m literally taller than you,” he deadpanned.

“By a centimetre! I–“ Junmyeon kept walking backwards while Baekhyun followed, and after a few steps Junmyeon slipped and started to fall, pulling Baekhyun down with him. They fell with a loud thud, and Baekhyun let out a yelp so high-pitched that if it was any higher only dogs would be able to hear it. Jongin broke into a laugh.

Sometimes, looking at the two of them interact like that, made Jongin feel like a side character. As if he was just an observer. Like the way he was always sat in the back of the car, while the two of them were in the front. It was a bitter feeling. But one he’d made peace with. He wasn’t made to do big things, or be the centre of attention. He’d made peace with being just the observer, and learned how to enjoy it. Maybe.

Baekhyun quickly jumped up and brushed the white dust off of himself. He ran a hand through his hair. “Shut up,” he said when he turned to Jongin, who was wiping tears out of his eyes. Baekhyun took Junmyeon’s hand and pulled him up.

“Thanks,” Junmyeon said, then changed his tone, seemingly remembering something. “But this was also your fault.”

“Yeah, whatever, just–“ Baekhyun went to grab the stopwatch from out of his hand again, but Junmyeon pulled away. Baekhyun didn’t chase it that time. “Come on, I got a good feeling about this one.”

“You could ask nicely...”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “So this was all for a little lesson?” When Junmyeon didn’t reply, just looked to the side a little, Baekhyun sighed. “Fine. Can I... please, see my time?”

Junmyeon gave him a little smile. Jongin knew that smile. He’d do it right before he, “I don’t know. Can you?”

Ah, yes. Right before he’d make a joke.

“Oh, now you’re just being annoying.” Baekhyun now easily grabbed the stopwatch from a laughing Junmyeon. Jongin chuckled as well, but only because it was amazing what Junmyeon found humourous. Baekhyun threw his fist in the air.

“I beat it! Fuck!” he shouted, and Jongin flinched a little. Junmyeon shook his head and looked up at the sky. “Motherfucker... Finally. That’ll fucking show him,” the last part being but a whisper.

“Alright, alright,” Junmyeon said, taking his stopwatch back. He pointed between the two of them. “Let’s get going. Seulgi hasn’t got all day.”

———

“It’s so soon... too soon.” Junmyeon was biting his nails, possibly being the most nervous one of the three. He was getting more jittery and restless the more the day went on. He was running around, kept misplacing things, talked so quickly he’d have to repeat himself just so the others could understand him. It was funny to watch, especially Baekhyun’s attempts to calm him down. (“For fuck’s sake sit–,” he pushed Junmyeon down onto a chair, “–down!”)

They were in Seulgi’s garage, having their motorcycles filled and fixed up. Jongin was standing next to Baekhyun, who was sprawled out in a wooden chair (who knew how bad for his back that was) and kept glaring at the pair of black and neon green bikes on the other end of the room. Junmyeon was sitting down as well, his leg jumping up and down from the nerves. It didn’t really help Jongin with his own anxiety, but he tried slowing his heartbeat down by standing still. It wasn’t helping.

“Jun, relax,” Baekhyun said, arms crossed on his chest. Jongin admired how calm he was being right now – how calm and self-assured he was before any race. Sometimes it seemed like Junmyeon took on the nervousness Baekhyun should’ve felt, which was why he was twice as anxious as the normal person. Being as collected as Baekhyun was something Jongin tried to do, thought he could fake it until it came naturally to him. He still hasn’t gotten there. 

Baekhyun motioned towards Jongin with his thumb. “You’re freaking out Nini over here.”

“Hey!” Jongin cringed at the nickname. His yelp echoed through the garage, mixed in with Baekhyun’s giggles and the sound of Seulgi arranging her tools. “I’m not nervous! And don’t call me Nini.” He didn’t want Kyungsoo nor Seulgi to hear it, and then make fun of him. 

Speaking of Kyungsoo, he hadn’t said a word the entire time. Not to Jongin. Jongin was convinced that the boy disliked him, but he couldn’t figure out why that was. He could’ve said or did something, but Jongin didn’t remember doing anything. Kyungsoo would always glare at him and reply monotonously, and Jongin wasn’t used to that kind of behaviour. The most similar thing he’d experienced was Baekhyun when he was being moody, but even he put emotion in his voice. 

“Okay, I’m done!” Seulgi finally joined, jogging towards them. Her ponytail jumped up and down as she ran, and she had black smudges on her face and hands. She put her hands on her hips. “Good, you guys didn’t leave yet.”

“Why would we?” Baekhyun asked, standing up and putting an arm around Seulgi’s shoulders. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes behind them. “We can’t leave without saying bye to our favourite girl.” He tried poking her cheek. Seulgi put a hand on his chest and pushed him away.

“Oh, shush,” she laughed, finally free of his hold. She ran to Kyungsoo, maybe worried he was feeling left out. Seulgi always made sure Kyungsoo felt included, Jongin’s noticed. 

They talked about the race to pass the time, which was in about two hours. They discussed how they were preparing, their expectations, Seulgi talked about how she modified the bikes and no one quite understood her technical vocabulary, but it didn’t stop her from rambling on. (Kyungsoo would sometimes step in as a translator, so Jongin found out that the “rocker arm” opened and closed the valves on the engine... Though he didn’t understand its use completely.) Once the clock hit nine o’clock, Junmyeon reminded them all that they should get going, which was a shame since Kyungsoo had just gotten comfortable with them and started talked more. Maybe he was just shy and in fact didn’t hate Jongin. A thought of them being potentially good friends had they talked more often crossed Jongin’s mind. 

“You know, something I don’t understand,” Baekhyun started to talk as they were walking towards the door, outside where Seulgi moved their bikes to. “Why he chose _this_ of all places to get his bike fixed.” The he in question was most likely Chanyeol. Their bikes were still inside the workshop, but Jongin wasn’t sure why they were taking so long to take them. The race was pretty soon.

Junmyeon clicked his tongue. Baekhyun turned to him. “I’m sorry! I know he’s your boyfriend’s best friend, but he’s insufferable,” he said, trying to justify himself. Jongin didn’t know why Baekhyun hated Chanyeol so much. To his knowledge, the guy hadn’t done anything to Baekhyun, except win the one race. He was friendly and nice to be around, from Jongin’s experience – although, maybe Baekhyun’s ego and competitiveness could be compared to Chanyeol’s own. Thought it manifested in less hurtful ways, Jongin noticed how much Chanyeol could get into a game from all the times he played Uno with him, Sehun and Taemin, and how devastated he’d be when losing. They seemed to be different, one a people’s person and the other a misanthrope; But, when looking at the little pieces, they weren’t that different. Perhaps that’s what bothered Baekhyun so much.

Baekhyun kept rambling on and on as he was getting closer to the door. Jongin found it funny. “If you hate him so much, why can’t you stop talking about him?”

That seemed to trigger something inside Baekhyun. He stopped and sighed. “I’m allowed to talk about things that annoy me from time to time, Nini” he said, the way he was trying not to show how much Jongin’s comment bothered him very obvious. He stood at the door, hand on the handle, about to go out. “It’s not like I’m looking for opportunities to talk about him, but how can I keep quiet when he’s invading every–“

And just as he was about to open the door, he was met with the very topic of his every recent angry rant. Well, maybe not every single one. Baekhyun delivered quite the heated monologue a couple of nights back when Jongin offered him Fruit Loops instead of Cheerios for dinner. Though, Jongin was convinced that, had it gone for a bit longer, it’d somehow go back to Chanyeol. The Chanyeol who now stood on the other side of the open door, looking down on a very embarrassed Baekhyun.

“Hey,” was all Chanyeol said before pushing past Baekhyun and into the garage. Baekhyun, pissed off and jaw clenched, was forced by circumstance to hold the door open for him and Sehun. If Jongin wasn’t as kind of a friend as he was, he would’ve laughed out loud. 

“Oh, your bikes just need a little more–“ Seulgi suddenly hopped and ran to her workplace, distressed and panicked. “They’ll be done in a minute or– or fifteen!”

“Relax, we aren’t in a hurry,” Chanyeol said, sitting down on a chair. 

While Seulgi was making noise with her tools, (Kyungsoo going to help her), Baekhyun responded to that with, “Yeah, we aren’t either, we just think it’s better if we’re there early.”

Junmyeon pinched the top of his nose. He was close to Sehun, but not too close. Sehun put his hand near Junmyeon’s face and squeezed his ear, an action to which Junmyeon responded with a red face and a tight smile. They were cute, Jongin thought. They seemed to be playful with each other, kind of like friends. Jongin looked away, both because it was weird to stare and because they reminded him of what him and Taemin could’ve been. 

Chanyeol turned his head to look at Baekhyun, a half smile on his lips. “Doesn’t really change when the race actually starts though, does it?”

Baekhyun must’ve been fuming on the inside. He rushed Jongin and Junmyeon out so they could leave quickly, leaving a very unsatisfied Sehun behind.

The race was taking the typical route, if a little longer than usual. Instead of the Desert Fox, the start line was moved back, near the Spring Hotel. Maybe because that was where the Association’s members were staying at. It was a classy yet modern hotel, five stars, very expensive. Jongin was too poor to even look inside through the entrance door.

Fifteen minutes until the beginning. Baekhyun was positioned right next to Jongin. He was staring ahead at the road, one hand on his bike. Jongin admired how determined he looked, how prepared he was. And himself? He wasn’t sure. He just wished he could fast forward to the end of the race. His feet were cold and his hands were shaky, and he had to go to the bathroom again.

Jongin looked at the other racers. He knew most of them, and the others came from out of Seoul. Fourty of them in total, if he remembered correctly. Taemin was at the other end of the start line. Jongin could recognise his bleached hair from any distance. How he wished Taemin was near to comfort him.

Taemin wouldn’t have been able to give him the comfort that he craved though. No one could. It was in such moments that Jongin missed Minho the most.

It was then that Baekhyun spoke up. “Hey,” he said, causing Jongin to turn his head quickly towards him. “We’re gonna win this.” And then he smiled the way he rarely did. It wasn’t wide, nor condescending. It was small, his eyes not squinting the tiniest bit, but Jongin could tell it was genuine. He smiled back. They put their earplugs in, helmets on, and sat on their bikes.

Soon enough, the gun went off. It was a bit of a blur for Jongin, possibly from the nervousness and being far too focused on the driving. Junmyeon’s lessons echoed in his head, as the dark building of Seoul blurred behind all the lights; As he was passing by other racers, or as they were passing him. His grip was good. His balance was good. He was making sure his chest was as glued to the motorcycle as possible. He tried not to lower his speed while curving that time. 

He was in a fierce duel with a racer next to him, one of them outspeeding the other, and then falling behind. Jongin’s heart was beating hard. He wasn’t keeping track of his position – this could’ve been a battle for a qualification spot, or maybe he was so far behind it didn’t matter. But it still should’ve mattered. Jongin planned on winning against the other racer no matter what the final outcome was.

His grip was getting weaker– There were too many things to think about. His hands, his legs, feet, if he was leaned down enough, if he was driving fast enough. They were neck to neck with the finish line right in front of them, getting closer, and closer, and once crossed, Jongin felt a buzz throughout his entire body. He was too scared to look at the scoreboard, at the reactions of the other racers. Too scared to see if he’d lost the duel.

Jongin kept his helmet on and just stood in place. It was the kind of moment a person wished could drag on forever – he didn’t want to find out the result. He wanted to stay still forever, and perhaps the rest of the world would forget what happened.

But, the touch of someone’s hand on his shoulder broke the bubble he was so carefully creating. It was Taemin. Jongin took his helmet off, the sudden noise and bright lights everywhere around shocking him. He blinked a bit. Taemin just smiled at him and turned him around, so he could look at the giant screen that was on the front of the Trading Centre.

Jongin saw five names on it. There was Chanyeol, Baekhyun (and he hissed as if it physically hurt him when he saw their places), Taemin, Sehun, and then... him. His name. Kim Jongin, in big yellow letters. There was no way...

He turned to Taemin, in complete disbelief. Taemin just hugged him tightly, and when he pulled back, his hands firm on Jongin’s shoulders, they looked into each others eyes. Taemin smiled, wide, showing his teeth. Jongin was in a trance, but managed to smile back. It felt like too intimate of a moment to be shared with so many people around. (But Jongin was prone to exaggerating things that had to do with Taemin.) 

Shortly after, they all went to a party celebrating the victors. Jongin was too tired to party that night, but as one of the victors, it would’ve been bad for his image if he hadn’t attended.

The celebration party was at the Desert Fox. Jongin still felt the high of the race in his veins even after a whole hour. He was still replaying the sound of his name being said by the announcer, in the tone they usually used – over the top, exaggerating their excitement, very loud. The realisation that he’d qualified hadn’t quite settled in yet. But he’d done it. And in two months, he would actually be racing in a stadium, next to professional racers who had international acknowledgement. Jongin might not have expressed his passion for racing as openly as Baekhyun did, but it was there. Perhaps hidden under layers of self doubt. 

The club was full, as every night. Full of people, second-hand smoke, and loud music. And everyone was trying to talk to Jongin. He tried staying cool and unbothered, but playing it all back, he probably looked awkward and ridiculous. Enough to make him wish to never speak again

Baekhyun fucked off somewhere, Without exchanging a word with Jongin. Jongin didn’t hold it against him – Baekhyun was a sore loser. Though he didn’t technically lose. He was probably already drunk and getting off with some girl somewhere. Junmyeon went home, but not before clinging onto Jongin and telling him how proud he was. (And how he could “finally rest now”.)

There was a bigger reason Jongin wasn’t so keen on going to the party, though. Taemin. And Naeun. They’d been spending more time together, and he had his arm around her the entire night, and Jongin couldn’t understand it, couldn’t wrap his head around in. Sometimes, his mind would convince him that him and Taemin were in a real relationship. And having that illusion shattered in a single second hurt.

They managed to get a seat at one of the tables. With drinks in front of them, they talked and talked. But Jongin was a bit out of it, didn’t follow the conversation, too focused on Taemin. What if him and Naeun were serious? It crossed Jongin’s mind. It wouldn’t have made sense, given the morning he’d shared with Taemin just that day. But then, Taemin was also a puzzling individual. 

He couldn’t sit next to them much longer. Everyone around him was laughing and congratulating him, and engaging in conversations with him (or at least, trying to), but Jongin wasn’t in the mood. It was frustrating – how one thing (or two) could ruin an otherwise great night. 

Jongin got up, politely excusing himself, and walked away. Pushing through the people proved to be as challenging as ever, and with no exact destination, it felt a bit in vain. He stood in the middle of the dancefloor, rethinking his decision, while all the sweaty dancers were nudging him, unaware of his presence. He felt like he was suffocating – both metaphorically, and from the smoke. He needed to be alone, and get some air.

Perhaps, the roof.

The roof of the club was just a flat surface, and it could be accessed by stairs at the opposite end of the entrance. It took him some time to get there, and he could only hope no one was up there. That was his only solution to the problem of wanting to be by himself, but feeling obligated to attend the party.

The cold air hit him like a whip. He was only in a t-shirt, his jacket left at the table. _Damn it._ He rubbed his arms in an attempt to stay warm. He was all alone up there. The roof wasn’t the most attractive place in the building, since most of the fun was inside. And introverts didn’t tend to hang around there. It was just Jongin.

He sat down right next to the door, leaning onto the wall. He was too tired to stand.

Jongin tried not to feel like crap. He was being moody and ruined the mood for no valid reason. So, the guy he liked was getting close with some girl. And, Baekhyun’s approval seemed to be unattainable. And, Jongin couldn’t seem to loosen up and party like a normal person.

But, he qualified for the big race. That wad a bigger deal than all of those other things combined. He actually... Wasn’t bad. And that was what should’ve mattered. He repeated that fact to himself, over and over.

After a few moments of no thoughts, only listening to the bass from the club and the cars passing the streets, maybe a drunk or two yelling somewhere down there, Jongin heard the door open. He flinched, upset that his solitude was tampered with. He looked up to see who it was that dared bother him.

“You’re here,” Taemin said, quiet and with a hint of relief in his voice. Jongin subtly looked behind to see if there was anyone else (Naeun) with him. But, Taemin closed the door behind him. It was just him. “I thought you left.”

“Nah, just...” Jongin gestured vaguely around him. “Just wanted to be alone for a bit.” Taemin hummed in response. He walked past Jongin and sat down next to him. Jongin shifted. Taemin was close. All that room, and he had to glue himself next to Jongin. 

“Aren’t you could?” Taemin asked, probably just to start a conversation. Jongin shook his head, lied through his teeth gave him a little, “Nah.” Taemin didn’t buy it. He took off the jacket he was wearing and threw it into Jongin’s lap.

“Take it. My shirt’s got long sleeves.” Jongin stared down at the blue leather jacket. Taemin took out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and put one in his mouth. Jongin could never get over how cool he was. “I got my cigarette to warm me up, anyway. Want one?” 

Jongin didn’t smoke. “No.” He hated smoking, be it himself or someone else. He didn’t mind Taemin smoking. It was hot. He really needed to get over that.

“Suit yourself,” Taemin said, lighting the cigarette up. Jongin watched him breathe out his first huff of smoke, and then put his jacket on. He was warmer already.

They sat there for some time, not saying anything. The background was still as noisy as before, but Jongin could now only hear Taemin and his breathing. He started to play with the zipper of the jacket, which was a bit small on him. 

“Hey, Taem,” he started, unsure of how to phrase his question without it being weird. Taemin looked at him, and the smoke got all in Jongin’s face. “Um. You and Naeun... What’s... With that?”

Taemin laughed lightly, his lips curling around the cigarette. “Nothing. I just bring her when I don’t want unwanted attention.”

Jongin nodded. That was a bit reassuring. He still felt jealous. Then, he got a little brave. “Am I unwanted attention?”

Taemin laughed more genuinely that time. He looked at Jongin as he was looking at Taemin. “You know I can never say no to you, Nini,” he said, through a little pout. He pinched Jongin’s cheeks with one hand. “You’re my weakness.”

They both laughed that time. Jongin wished he didn’t crave Taemin’s playful flirting the way he did, but it didn’t make him feel worse. Even if it was a joke, Jongin wanted to hear it.

Taemin was finished with the first cigarette, putting it out on the concrete floor, and started on another one. Jongin shivered from the cold from time to time, but he didn’t want to go. They were looking up at the dark sky. It wasn’t clear, but it was a rare night when stars were visible. It took everything in Jongin not to lean his head on Taemin’s shoulder.

“See that there?” Taemin asked, making a shape in the stars with his hand. The one with the cigarette. Jongin hummed in response. “That’s the Big Dipper.”

Jongin nodded. Taemin continued. “And that there, it’s the little one.” Jongin had no idea how anyone could’ve decided on that, since he didn’t actually see any of that, but he went with that. He didn’t know Taemin was such a big space nerd.

“And the Orion’s Belt is there.”

After a minute of that, and a bunch of constellations Jongin hadn’t even heard about, he spoke up. “I didn’t know you were into thst. When did you learn all of those?”

Taemin chuckled. “I didn’t.” He took another drag of his cigarette. “I’m bullshitting as I go.”

Jongin gasped. “And I actually fell for it!” Taemin laughed, groggy. “You love to embarrass me like this.”

“Not my fault you fall for it!” Taemin defended himself. “Besides, you’re cute when you realise I’m messing with you.”

“Shut up.” Jongin crossed his arms. “Is that how you seduce all of the girls?”

“Maybe,” Taemin said. “Maybe it’s just you.” Jongin responded to that with an eye-roll.

Silence fell over them again. But that time it was different. Jongin could feel the tension inside of Taemin. “Hey, Nini,” Taemin asked. Jongin perked up. “You know what they say about stars? How they’re, people–“ he stuttered. He breathed out his nose and laughed, as if he was making fun of himself. “Like, when people... Go... They become–“

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows. He put a hand on Taemin’s shoulder. “Taem...”

“Forget it. I don’t know why I mentioned it,” he laughed. Sadder than any previous time. Jongin was worried. 

“Taem, you know you can talk to me.”

“It’s fine,” he said, smiling, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He sighed, rubbing his forehead. Then he got up. “We’ve been here a while.”

“Yeah.” Jongin got up as well, not really sure why. He just followed Taemin. But he wanted to make it seem like his idea. “I was thinking of going, actually.”

“Home?” Taemin asked. Jongin nodded. Taemin let out a little, “oh”. He took a step closer to Jongin, staring down. He put his hand on Jongin’s. It reminded him so much of the way he touched his hand that morning. Jongin breathed in. He was close to doing something he’d regret. “You want to come home with me?”

And all of Jongin was screaming _yes_. But he knew better. The decision there was to either keep hurting himself, or finally be free. Him and Taemin were better of as just friends, no benefits, anyway. He gave Taemin back the jacket, and he was cold again.

“Nah, I just want to sleep tonight,” he said. “Long day and all.”

And Taemin looked like he wanted to say something other than, “Alright.” But he didn’t. So, Jongin just left, not forgetting his own jacket that time.

Jongin exited the club without anyone else stopping him – maybe the excitement of the race had worn off. He got a text from Baekhyun in which he asked him to leave the apartment free. (Though the message Jongin received was more like – _lrabe th r aoartemetb fre xxx_ – and to an untrained eye that would’ve been complete nonsense, but he was used to deciphering Baekhyun’s drunk texts.)

With both Taemin’s and his own place unavailable to him, Jongin didn’t really have much where to go. Junmyeon was most likely asleep, and Jongin did not feel like picking up some person just to use them for a bed. 

He could go visit his mom. Jongin hadn’t in some time, though she lived near. They even started to call less and less – Jongin felt bad. He didn’t have a valid reason for not calling her.

Showing up unannounced to his childhood home at two in the morning probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but Jongin didn’t have any other.

He’d grown up in Seoul – rather, one of its suburbs. It was a half an hour drive now that the streets had way less traffic. The place he grew up in was a three story building, with one family on each floor. His was the only one that stayed there, the others moving out throughout the years.

It was different at night. He parked on the sidewalk, hoping no one would mind. The front gate was always unlocked, since the neighbourhood was pretty safe. His mother never had any fear either, that woman. The white gate still creaked on the slightest move. They’d never get that fixed.

Jongin couldn’t decide if it was better to call or ring the bell. Maybe he’d wait less with the bell. He opted for that.

He heard a familiar voice on the intercom, “Waking me up won’t make me buy your fraud of a vacuum cleaner, you bastard!”

Jongin laughed. “What if it’s your son?”

There was a short pause. Then, a, “Jongin?” And after a few seconds, the front door was unlocked, and his mother was in slippers staring up at him. She put her hands on her hips. “And you didn’t think to call?”

“It was a rash decision, mom,” he said, entering and giving her a hug and a kiss to the top of her head. “Missed you.”

And then followed the routine Jongin was used to. He put on his pyjamas, his mom made him warm milk. They sat at the dining table, and there was a box of chocolate chip cookies in front of him. It was like he was seven all over again. 

“I saw you on the television tonight, you know?” she said, and gave him a warm smile. “My baby’s in the big league now.”

“Mom...”

“What? I can’t call you my baby even when we’re all alone?” she asked, putting a hand on her chest.

“It’s not that, it’s just...” Jongin was feeling a bit embarrassed. He didn’t want to talk about races that night. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Nonsense,” she said, smacking her lips. She crossed her legs. “You can put your success down all you want, but I’ll still be proud.”

Jongin was halfway through eating a cookie. His mouth was full when he mumbled a shy little, “Thanks...”

His mother didn’t question why he was there. It was unlike Jongin to show up without a call, so she could’ve assumed something was wrong. But, even without talking about it, she managed to make him feel better. Just by letting him in. And making him feel like he was seven years old again, back when his only worry was how to hide his homework so he could play football with his friends for longer.

(The house smelled the same as all those years before. It was amazing, really. Little had changed with the furniture – the TV was more modern, and perhaps there were a few more new gadgets. The cup Jongin drank out of was the same as from when he was a kid, and the milk, the cookies, it all tasted the same. It was like he’d entered a time machine. His mom’s hugs felt the same as well, albeit, she was now smaller than him.) 

She tucked him into bed, to his protests. “Oh, let me, when was the last time I ever did this?” she asked, and he complied. It was his childhood room, his childhood bed, and sheets, and nightlight. If only he was still back then, not just back there. “And, when will I ever get the chance to do it again?”

“Mom, please.”

“What? You’re all grown up now. You don’t need your mom anymore,” she said, a bit sad. Jongin pointed at her from under the sheets. He wanted to tell her how wrong she was. He didn’t. “But you’ll always be my baby.” She said, and kissed his forehead. He responded with a groan.

“Good night now. Your mother loves you, but also needs sleep.”

“’Night,” he said. “Love you too.” And then the nightlight was off, and he was in the dark.

———

The door of the apartment was unlocked. As usual, considering it was Baekhyun.

Jongin opened the door and was instantly met with a mess. Jackets and shirts on the floor. Baekhyun’s shoes were flipped over at the very entrance. Then he started to count the rest. One, two... Five pairs? What went on on there? _And then he calls Taemin a slut..._

He hung his jacket on the hanger, where it belonged, and took his shoes off. He couldn’t help himself and nudged a few of the other shoes with his foot, to put them next to their pair. He felt better already.

It didn’t last long. When he entered the living room, he saw Baekhyun sprawled across the sofa, completely naked. “Baekhyun!” Jongin shrieked in surprise, covering his eyes. There were two girls in there as well.

“Jonginie, you’re back!” Baekhyun seemed to have been woken up very suddenly, but still jumped up – then immediately put a hand on his head, hissing, mumbling a brief, “Fuck.” He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and looked around. He was beginning to remember the previous night, if his satisfied expression was anything to go by. Then he looked down. “Jongin, you can open your eyes. You’ve seen me naked plenty of times.”

“Yeah, but there’s people that I _haven’t_ , and I’d like to respect their privacy,” he explained, as the girls were beginning to wake up too. Admittedly, they weren’t naked like Baekhyun, but he still felt awkward about it all.

“You’re such a baby,” Baekhyun said, getting up. He was looking around for something, maybe his boxers. Jongin doubted it, though. Baekhyun loved to parade naked around the house. He never understood it.

Baekhyun entered his room, leaving Jongin alone with two half naked strangers. He felt himself blushing from embarrassment, feeling like a middle school boy seeing a girl in a bathing suit for the first time. Acting that way perhaps made the situation more awkward than it was supposed to be, but he couldn’t change his demeanor so suddenly, even if he’d wanted to. Three more girls came out of Baekhyun’s room, thankfully dressed up. Jongin felt like he should say something. “Would, uh, any of you want a drink?”

Some of the girls looked between each other and giggled. One of them, passing by Jongin, pinched his cheek. “Aren’t you cute,” she cooed, then went to the entrance hallway. That didn’t help with Jongin’s blushing problem. They gradually picked their stuff up, while Baekhyun stood at the doorway of his bedroom, drinking from a bottle of whiskey. (Of course, still naked.) Jongin, having noticed that, rushed towards him and grabbed it out of his hand.

“Hey!” Baekhyun whined, grabbing up, but Jongin held the bottle too high.

“No more alcohol for you,” he said, making his way towards the kitchen to put the alcohol in place. The bottle of Jack Daniel’s was almost completely empty – and he’d only bought it recently. Baekhyun, that pig.

Meanwhile, all the girls left, heading home or wherever else, greeting Baekhyun on the way out with a wave and a giggle. Jongin wasn’t sure how to feel about having them go hungover and alone, but then he thought to give the women more credit. All of them were probably way better off than Baekhyun.

Baekhyun sat on one of the tall chairs next to the kitchen counter, sighing, while Jongin was in front of him making coffee. Jongin inquired, “Wild night?” 

Baekhyun smiled, with so much implication that Jongin felt like he lived through it himself. “You don’t even know.” _And I don’t want to,_ crossed Jongin’s mind

“Right,” he said, while the coffee was grinding in the machine. “And then you call Taemin gross.”

“What Taemin does _is_ gross,” Baekhyun started, straightening his back. ( _Says the guy sitting on a chair naked._ Jongin tried not to laugh at that.) He continued, “Taemin sleeps with the same few people over and over again. I at least have the decency not to lead them on.”

That hurt Jongin more than it should’ve. “I think... I mean, isn’t it a deal between both people?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “You’re always protecting him. What are you, in love with him, or something?”

Jongin tensed up while pouring the coffee into a cup. He stopped himself just before it overflowed. “N–No, dude. He’s just my best friend,” he tried to sound as convincing as possible. It wasn’t all a lie, so that helped. “Besides, what you’re saying is wrong, so I’m supposed to correct you.”

“Whatever.”

Jongin put one cup on the counter. “Here. To get rid of that headache.”

“What a sweetheart,” Baekhyun cooed, taking a sip. “Taem would be lucky to have a husband like you.”

Jongin narrowed his eyes. “I hope you spill that coffee all over yourself.” Baekhyun cackled, but put the cup carefully down on the counter regardless.

Jongin went to the fridge to get milk. “Was Jun at the last night?” Baekhyun asked. Jongin took out one carton of milk and shook it. There would be just enough for his coffee.

“Nah. He ran off with Sehun, probably,” he answered. Baekhyun groaned.

“Of course,” Baekhyun said, taking another sip. “They’re always together these days.”

“You sound jealous.” Jongin tasted his coffee and grimaced. Taemin made it better. Jongin poured the coffee into the sink. He didn’t like it. Baekhyun drank all of his already, but he must’ve felt forced to. He walked back to the counter. “And then you accuse me of being in love with my best friend,” he said, smirk on his face. A jab for a jab.

Baekhyun grimaced. “Kid, shut up.”

“You’re only three years older.”

Baekhyun got up from his chair. 

“Baek, your mug.”

Baekhyun turned around, unamused. He sighed, took the cup from the counter, and walked over to the dishwasher. “Also, put on some pants. Please.”

Baekhyun turned to Jongin and put his hands on his hips. Jongin squinted. “Jongin, are you aware of how many people would kill to see their childhood hero naked?”

“You’re not my childhood hero,” he said. “And frankly, that’s a bit gross.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “Fine. Your loss.” Then, before going to his room to dress up, he turned to say one more thing.

“And um...,” he started. Jongin stopped cleaning the dishes to hear him out. Baekhyun nodded, not really looking at Jongin. “You did great yesterday. I’m proud of you.”

It caught Jongin by surprise. It was unlike Baekhyun to say stuff like that. Something was seriously going on with him. But, maybe in a good direction.

And although it was a naked, hungover Baekhyun telling him he was proud, it felt nice to finally hear it. Jongin smiled.

“Thanks, Baek. You too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one of my rambles I know no one reads but I gotta let it out just In Case.
> 
> How did... This... Take me so long. I apologize...
> 
> I wanna be more frequent with my updated but yknow... There's writer's block... And rewriting the chapters completely. And writing future scenes even though the current ones aren't done. Stuff like that.
> 
> The timeline is a bit messy but I try to make it work. It's around two months since sechan came to Seoul. That's believable? I hope. But also this is fiction. I can do whatever right? Right...
> 
> Hope this was worth the wait Gah these chapters won't be from Jongin's pov a lot but I wanted to add them so we could see a character (Taemin) going through grief but... From another person's POV. I know there was barely any Taemin but... I'm just talking about future intentions. So you know what to expect.
> 
> These notes are starting to become longer than the fic itself I gotta stop hfhdjs hope you enjoy it anddd idk keep commenting i'll try to respond to each if i can think of a way how, but even if I don't, ily and thank u


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon has to tell Sehun something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I didn't forget about this.
> 
> Slight nsfw warning. 
> 
> I really need a girlfriend.

Sehun had been spending a lot of time in Junmyeon’s apartment those two months. Junmyeon quite liked having him around, mundane things becoming less boring now that he had company. Whether it was watching TV, cooking together, eating (Junmyeon still felt a little giddy when he put out two plates on the table instead of one), or sitting on the opposite ends of the sofa, reading. Or, which happened more often than not in Junmyeon’s case, just watching Sehun read.

Sehun, with his sharp features and cold gaze, and long fingers gracefully flicking through the pages of a fashion magazine from ages ago. Junmyeon’s heart raced at just the sight of him; Skipped a beat every time Sehun would look up and catch him staring. There was something in the way his gaze softened, how his scowl quickly turned into a smile, and Junmyeon would get all flustered and pretend to have been busy reading or looking somewhere else. But oh, how he’d melt under Sehun’s eyes. It overwhelmed him, that flutter in his chest – how it filled his lungs and pushed the air out, making it hard to breathe. Junmyeon thanked any God that existed that Sehun wasn’t aware of the power he had over Junmyeon (or, how unworthy of his affection Jummyeon was), because he was convinced that he would do absolutely anything for that boy. 

And then there was the making out. So much of it. In the middle of a movie marathon, or in the kitchen, pushed up against a cabinet. (Their food might have burned more than one time.) Sometimes it was a quick peck before or during lunch, because Sehun, in his words, “simply couldn’t help himself”; Or after reading a couple of pages of a book then deciding that they were bored, and would rather have spent the time kissing than “being nerds”. Sehun’s words once more.

It never went any further than that, though. Jummyeon noticed how careful Sehun was not to cross any boundaries – how in the beginning, every time he’d try something new, like add tongue or pull at his hair, he’d immediately ask, “Is this okay?” And Jummyeon would, breathless, impatient, and slightly irritated, have to urge him to repeat whatever it was he’d just done, because, “ _Yes_ , it’s _more_ than okay.”

Sehun was... Patient. Jummyeon found that to be the best word to describe him. And so considerate. Junmyeon hated having to make Sehun wait, but he still hadn’t told him about his leg. Or the fact that he hadn’t done anything with anyone, let alone had actual sex in the past three years. The leg thing was of more importance, though. It was the main reason why Sehun still hadn’t slept over – Junmyeon was afraid of him finding out by accident. It was why he was antsy whenever Baekhyun and Jongin were around Sehun. He wanted to tell Sehun about it himself. He wasn’t ready yet, though he felt horrible having to hide such a thing.

He had to tell him, though. At some point. Soon. But he was just so frightened by the idea of Sehun leaving, or finding him repulsive. He didn’t know Sehun enough to know what his reaction would be. But if they were going to date, Sehun had the right to know. And, Junmyeon reasoned with himself, if Sehun didn’t find it okay, then he wasn’t worth the hassle. Junmyeon so desperately hoped that he was, though.

And that was what occupied his thoughts currently, with Sehun lying on top of him on the sofa, some commercial playing on the TV. His hands were tangled in Sehun’s hair, and Junmyeon couldn’t have ever imagined that someone was as good with their tongue as Sehun was. It was lazy, and messy, but so, _so_ good. Junmyeon hadn’t felt so turned on in ages. Sehun would grunt each time Junmyeon tugged at his hair or grinded on him, and it encouraged Junmyeon to try and keep drawing those sounds out of him. But just this wouldn’t have been enough for that.

They pulled back for air. Junmyeon was panting, staring up at Sehun and his messy hair, and plump lips, and rosy cheeks and God, he did that. Junmyeon brushed some of the hair off of his forehead with his thumb. It was a nice colour – like burnt amber. It made Sehun look both mature and youthful. And hot. _So hot._ Sehun smiled, leaning into the touch. And in all of that staring at each other, their eyes glossed over with both want and softness, Junmyeon asked, a little unsure, “Can I suck you off?”

It must’ve come as a shock to Sehun, because his eyes widened slightly, and he was all choked up, stuttering. Junmyeon blushed, a bit shy that the question was hanging in the air unanswered. Sehun pulled back, mumbling, “Yeah, yeah, sure. God– please.”

Junmyeon laughed. Sehun sat up on the sofa. Junmyeon moved to kneel on the floor, settling between Sehun’s legs, leaning his head on one of his knees. Sehun took in a deep breath. “Are you sure? You didn’t feel pressured, or...”

“No,” Junmyeon replied. He brought himself up so he could peck Sehun’s lips, his hands on either side of him. “Silly.” Sehun smiled, eyes half open. Junmyeon looked him in the eyes. “Stop worrying. I want to do this. Take it as...” Junmyeon looked up, thinking. “A reward for qualifying for the big race.” Sehun chuckled and Jummyeon got back down.

“Alright. Shit,” Sehun cursed, reaching down for his belt. Junmyeon waited, his hands resting on Sehun’s knees. They kept making brief eye contact, eyes flicking from each other to down where Sehun was undoing his belt – then the button on his jeans, then the zipper, and then he was pulling them down slightly. Junmyeon suddenly felt dizzy. His heart was racing as he realised that it was actually happening. He didn’t want to disappoint Sehun. It’d been so long since he’d seen another dick, let alone blown anyone.

His eyes widened. Sehun was big. Really big. Junmyeon was already beginning to panic. That was supposed to fit into his mouth. And maybe other places, eventually. He tried not to show how nervous he was on his face. He’d done it before, he told himself. He’d be fine. He looked up at Sehun and smiled, hoping he looked calm. Sehun reassured him with a smile of his own. God, he really hoped he wouldn’t disappoint.

It was way harder than Junmyeon remembered. It hurt to keep his mouth open for so long, it was difficult to breathe properly. Sehun’s hands were in Junmyeon’s hair, combing through it and lightly tugging. He was going down slowly, not swallowing too much and being very careful not to gag, remembering to add a little pressure with his tongue. Sehun hissed, though Junmyeon had barely done anything. He’d really brought Sehun to the verge of sexual frustration.

“Babe– shit,” Sehun cursed, putting a hand over his mouth. His voice was deeper, more airy. He pulled the hair back from Junmyeon’s face. “I can call you babe, right?” Junmyeon wasn’t sure how Sehun expected him to answer, so he just hummed. Sehun groaned, pulling his hair harder. Junmyeon moaned again, figuring Sehun liked it.

That went on for a bit, the slow pace becoming almost comfortable and not changing much until Sehun thrusted just a bit too hard and a bit too much into his mouth, and Junmyeon had to pull back quickly because _shit_ , he choked. “Sorry,” Junmyeon coughed, one of his eyes closed from how teary it was.

“No, no,” Sehun was quick to reassure him. He cupped Junmyeon’s face with his hands, rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs. He wiped away Junmyeon’s tears. “I’m– I’m sorry.” He looked genuinely worried, and Junmyeon couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable and comical the scene was. Sehun, with his dick out and hard, but the biggest pout on his face. “Do you want to continue?”

“Yes. I’m fine,” Junmyeon said, with a tiny smile and an eye-roll. He shrugged Sehun off, taking him into his hand and bringing his lips closer. Scared of gagging again, Junmyeon decided to try and do other things before continuing with the... Main act. To figure out what else worked for Sehun. Like, licking the underside and jacking him off, or thumbing the tip. Sehun was giving him quiet little moans and grunts, and it all hit Junmyeon somewhere in the pit of his stomach. He was painfully hard himself, but he found some odd sense of enjoyment in stalling his own relief.

When he finally went down on Sehun again, it was way hotter than the previous attempt. Sehun’s breaths were shallow, they were both a bit lightheaded, the room got warmer. Junmyeon tried even harder that time, trying to take a tiny bit more each time he went down, picking up the pace. He still wasn’t satisfied with how much he’d managed, but he had his hand to cover up for the remaining length. 

There was a lot of saliva, and his eyes were teary, and nose was runny, but despite how gross it all was, Junmyeon was incredibly turned on. Maybe it was Sehun’s whispers of encouragement, how he’d go, “Yeah, that’s good baby, so good,” – or how he’d throw his head back, or tug hard at his hair. Maybe it was just the fact that he was the one who made Sehun feel good. Junmyeon was so out of it, so set on the idea of getting Sehun off, that any pain he felt went numb. There was only one thought in his mind, and that was, _Do this well, do this well, do this well._

“Jun,” the strain in Sehun’s voice was ridiculously hot. Junmyeon could feel how much he was holding back from the twitch of his hips. He really wanted to make it as comfortable as possible for Junmyeon – it was sweet of him. Cute even, how thoughtful he was being. Junmyeon found it funny how he was thinking about how cute Sehun was while his dick was in his mouth. “Jun, um, I’m gonna–“

He pulled Junmyeon’s head off, a string of saliva connecting his lips to Sehun’s dick. Everything was so wet. Junmyeon looked up at Sehun, eyes puffy and blown, cheeks red, lips swollen, tongue sticking out just slightly. Sehun stared down at him, lips parted (red from being bitten so much), his hand coming down to grab his cock. Junmyeon knew why Sehun pulled him away, but he wasn’t that big of a baby. He was doing to do this well. He grabbed Sehun’s hand and pinned it next to his hip.

“No, um,” Junmyeon stuttered, blushed, not really knowing how to ask him to come in his mouth. So, he just showed it, wrapping his lips around Sehun again.

He went down again, trying to go faster than before. “Shit,” Sehun groaned. “Babe, you’re so–“ 

And then Junmyeon felt his mouth full with something else, and it took his everything not to stop. That was _definitely_ way more difficult than he’d remembered. He shut his eyes hard and swallowed, hoping he wouldn’t somehow choke.

He pulled away, a little pop echoing through their ears. They were panting. Sehun laughed, airy.

“Come here,” he said, pulling Junmyeon up. He made him straddle his hips. Junmyeon put his hands on Sehun’s broad shoulders. He blushed. Sehun was so attractive up close, leaned back on the couch. Looked so cool. He cleared his throat and put his hand on Junmyeon’s belt. “Can I?”

Junmyeon nodded, at a slight loss of words. All he could do was stare down at Sehun, as he furrowed his eyebrows as undid the belt. He pulled Junmyeon’s pants down slightly, just enough.

Sehun cupped him through his boxers, and the moan that escaped Junmyeon’s mouth was so embarrassing and probably telling of how long it’d been since the last time he’d gotten off. Junmyeon bit his lip to try and stay silent. Sehun looked up at him, little smirk forming on his lips. He cupped Junmyeon’s face with one of his hands, tracing his bottom lip with his thumb. Junmyeon stuck his tongue out, licked the tip of it. “Cute,” Sehun whispered, and Junmyeon, for some odd reason, felt dirty.

Sehun started to jack him off, and Junmyeon was whining perhaps a little too much. He buried his head in the crook of Sehun’s neck in an attempt to quiet down and clung onto his shirt. Sehun’s other hand was on the back of Junmyeon’s neck, petting him gently, whispering into his ear. Junmyeon was gasping and grinding down, and it was so much to take in – Sehun’s long fingers wrapped around him, the hot breath on his neck, the soft strokes in his hair, the “Almost there baby, good job, good, so good–“

And then finally, _finally_ , Junmyeon came, with a soft whine. Sehun got him through the high, managed to get most of it in his hand (though the shirt would still need washing). Junmyeon was slowly coming down as the arousal wore off, blinking away the spots in his vision. He rolled so he sat next to Sehun. Sehun turned his head to him and smiled.

“That was nice,” he said.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon replied, giggling once their eyes met again. Sehun kissed his temple. Junmyeon scrunched his nose.

“You were good,” Sehun said, as if he read Junmyeon’s mind and knew what was troubling him. Junmyeon fumbled with his fingers, embarrassed by the praise. 

He shyly said, “Thank you.” Then they laughed, quietly, fondly. Sehun leaned down to kiss him again, and Junmyeon compiled. He always did. Sehun pulled back, chuckling.

“You taste like dick.”

“Well, no kidding!” Junmyeon stared at Sehun, (who was laughing at the other end of the couch) his eyes wide and mouth agape. (Though, he found it funny as well.) 

Sehun wiped away tears from his eyes. He was red in the face. He patted Junmyeon on the thigh. “Come on. We should get cleaned up.”

“Yeah, we should.”

Junmyeon stared down at his legs, dangling from the table. With his socks on, his feet looked nearly identical. But, then he’d move them. And the right foot, it felt normal. He could curl the toes, the foot. Could feel the muscles, when he focused really hard. And the left one... It was there. A bit stiff, not as flexible. He could rotate each foot an equal amount, but there was a notable difference in how they felt. He wasn’t able to put it into words. It was unexplainable. It had to be experienced. No matter how much Kyungsoo modified it, it’d never be the same.

“You there?” Kyungsoo asked, setting his equipment on the table next to Junmyeon. Junmyeon was familiar with all of it. The light blue screwdriver for the little screws near his heel was the one that hurt most. The bigger one, red, was for the bigger screws, of course. The ones up his calf. Those didn’t hurt – the pressure was even nice, to some degree. There was a small oil can in there, with which Kyungsoo greased up the mechanism. A wrench for his ankle. And the like.

Kyungsoo slouched a bit so he could catch Junmyeon’s gaze, fixated somewhere on the floor. He gave him a worried look. Junmyeon blinked away the surprise and smiled, as if to let Kyungsoo know that he was fine.

“I’m okay,” Junmyeon said. “Just... Thinking.”

“For a change,” Kyungsoo said. Seulgi, walking by next to them at the moment, gasped. She lightly hit him on the forearm. Kyungsoo smiled, watching her as she walked away, to wherever she was headed. Junmyeon laughed quietly.

When Kyungsoo looked back, he found Junmyeon staring at him, a knowing look on his face. He raised an eyebrow. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, behind those thick glasses of his.

“Just take your shoes off, Jun.”

With the socks off, the difference was more notable. For one, the left one was obviously not made of flesh, but instead of light steel, chrome, aluminium alloys. With the inside mechanism made of a frame that resembled the skeleton and wires, it was a sensitive machinery overall. Kyungsoo and Seulgi managed to design it to be as light as possible, while still being strong enough and protecting the inside well. It was slightly heavier, but Junmyeon learned how to walk so that he didn’t limp. (He couldn’t imagine anything worse than getting pity looks.)

Kyungsoo was doing his usual check-up. Junmyeon was looking down at him, intently. He really wondered why the only times they’ve ever hung out was during those check-ups. He wanted to ask if he was free to grab lunch or coffee some day. But it felt too off. 

“Nothing feels unusual?” Kyungsoo asked. Junmyeon shook his head. It was a bit of a tricky question to answer – of course it felt unusual. All the time. But it didn’t feel weird for an artificial leg. Kyungsoo finished it up by oiling it. “Alright,” he said, getting up. Then he gave Junmyeon a serious look. Junmyeon already knew what was up. He dreaded what was to be said next. “You know, it’s soon time for the overhaul.”

The overhaul. Every six months (or seven, if Junmyeon was successful enough in avoiding it) Kyungsoo and Seulgi would take apart most of Junmyeon’s leg and examine it thoroughly, make repairs and changes where necessary. It hurt, of course – quite a bit, if Junmyeon were honest. He didn’t enjoy those at all.

So, Junmyeon didn’t think twice to show his disappointment. Kyungsoo knew how uncomfortable those were, so there was no reason to hide it. It was just something he had to go through every once in a while. He’d survive, like he did every time.

There was also the fact that Junmyeon was, in a sense, their Guinea pig. Neither Kyungsoo nor Seulgi treated or saw him that way, nor would they have liked to, but Junmyeon was aware of his position. This was the first time either of them had done such a thing – perhaps it was even the first time anyone had ever done it. They developed the prototype from the old notes that belonged to Kyungsoo’s father, without any outside help. Then, every time they thought to improve something – they’d only have Junmyeon to try it on. When possible, they’d do it on regular check-ups. Other times, they’d do it during the overhauls. And, if it ended up being unhelpful, they’d put him apart again.

As much as it was humiliating in one way, it also made him happy that he contributed. There was a change it could become a new breakthrough in medicine and engineering, once developed to perfection. Or, as close to it as possible

“Soo, where do I keep the spare parts for the 851?” Seulgi asked, practically yelled, from the other side of the garage. 

Kyungsoo stopped to think for a second. “Third tool shelf from the left, the blue box on the second shelf!” he yelled back.

Junmyeon tilted his head, rested back on his palms. “The 851? What lucky fucker still has that?”

Seulgi practically flew over to them, excited and giddy. “Chanyeol!” And Junmyeon wasn’t surprised. Chanyeol was full of mysteries. “His bike is... Incredible, Jun. When he came to tell me he wants some pieces of his engine changed, I just...” She let out a little squeal. Kyungsoo flinched, his lips pulled into his trademark smile that resembled a heart. “I want to pick it apart so badly.”

Kyungsoo booped her nose, reminiscent of the way Baekhyun did it. Junmyeon noticed how more free Kyungsoo had become with her. He’d been taking notes. “That’s not what he asked you to do.” Seulgi scrunched her nose and pouted. Kyungsoo laughed softly. “Don’t you get distracted! I won’t fix any more of your messes,” he said, but Junmyeon got the feeling he was lying.

“See you next week?” Junmyeon asked once he hopped off the table. Kyungsoo nodded. “Right. And,” Junmyeon said, reaching for his pocket, “because Baekhyun will keep forgetting to pay.”

Seulgi took the money and made a face. “You cover for his ass way too much, you know?”

Junmyeon laughed awkwardly. “Well, it did pay up well last race. A lot of people bet on him being second, so,” he started justifying himself. Baekhyun most likely hated that he finished after Chanyeol, but there couldn’t have been a better scenario for them. Seulgi raised an eyebrow. Junmyeon shut up.

That was his early morning. At about eleven, he got to work.

The hostel was Minseok’s child, in a sense. It was a 24/7 job for him – he lived there, took care of it all the time. Decorated it to his taste. It was very cozy. Felt a lot like anybody’s childhood home. Minseok loved guests, loved taking them to their rooms and seeing their awed expressions each time. He simply lived to impress.

Junmyeon was there to help out. Get groceries, or vacuum the rooms, change the bedsheets. And to keep Minseok company. He’d also do the important paperwork, taxes and the like. Minseok claimed that that stuff just wasn’t his forte. It wasn’t serious work per se, but it filled his time and he helped Minseok.

After bringing everything off Minseok’s lengthy shopping list, he got on to cleaning the rooms up while most of the guests were out. It was one of the more popular hostels in that area, (rivaled only by Wendy’s Inn) so there was always people to clean after. Junmyeon wasn’t the tidiest person in the world, his own apartment being testament to that, but he thought he did a pretty good job with the rooms. He’d even put a little mint or a chocolate on the pillow. Like a real professional. And he’d only been distracted once, and that was when he got a message from Sehun. (Which he knew before even unlocking his phone, because Sehun set it so that the notifications from him gave out a different ringtone. Also, Sehun was the only person that texted him.) He said he was going to pick him up around seven, to go see a movie. Even added cute emoticons. Junmyeon stared at the phone fondly, taking fifteen minutes to craft a reply.

(He did think about getting a real-er job, and quite often at that – Minseok had others who worked for him, so he wouldn’t have been a big loss. That “job” was more of a favour, and Junmyeon was aware of it. It was just that Junmyeon had gotten far too used to the current routine, and getting a job in his specialty would just throw him into a nine-to-five office job – which wasn’t something he wanted to go back to. He had to learn to be an adult all over again.)

The two of them ate late lunch at the same time as some of the guests, so the dining room was a little crowded. Minseok seemed to have gulped down his steak in three bites. Junmyeon was much more modest with his eating habits. His appetite was less and less these days. At times he’d feel like he wouldn’t need to eat for an entire day.

“How are you and your little boy toy doing?” Minseok asked, somewhere in between his bites and the muffled chatter in the background. Junmyeon processed his words as cutlery scraped the plates and the clock rang, signalling seven o’clock, and chuckled brightly.

“He’s not a boy toy...”

“Boyfriend, then,” Minseok corrected himself, and somehow, that word made Junmyeon blush harder. Him and Sehun were boyfriends. Probably. They must have been. Although they hadn’t specifically said so – Sehun never asked him to be his boyfriend. They just kissed once. And then continued with that.

Junmyeon smiled. “It’s... Going well,” he said. Minseok raised an eyebrow.

“Just well?” He shook his head. “No, you have to go into more details.” Junmyeon was about to protest when Minseok stopped him midway. “I’m your boss, you know? I can fire you for disobeying me.”

Junmyeon laughed. “I’m not sure it works that way.” Minseok just shrugged in response, going back to his food. Junmyeon smiled. “It is, though. Going well, I mean. I like him.”

Minseok raised his eyebrows and smirked. Junmyeon laughed lightly and hid his face between his hands. “God, Min, I like him a lot.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Minseok nudged him with his fist. “Gush about him! Come on, tell me,” Minseok said. Junmyeon waited for him to continue. Minseok had a devilish look on his face again. “How big is he?”

“Min!” Junmyeon gasped. Minseok cackled, loud. Junmyeon shook his head. “You can’t just ask that!”

Minseok pulled a face. “So, nothing special, then?”

Junmyeon blushed. He looked around then replied, a bit quietly. “Well, actually...” Minseok seemed to be amused again, quirking an eyebrow. Junmyeon shivered at the memory of that day. And everything they’d done since. “It’s pretty... Well...” Minseok grew tired of Junmyeon’s stalling, and put his hands out, measuring a size in air. Junmyeon hesitated before moving them just a bit further apart.

Minseok almost laughed in disbelief. “Well, didn’t you win the fucking lottery, eh?” Junmyeon laughed in return, quite embarrassed. 

A tall shadow showed up behind Minseok, knocking on the table to make notice of his appearance. Junmyeon looked up, startled, only to see a pouting Sehun.

“I said I’d be here at seven,” he whined, and Junmyeon wished to leap up and hold him, all while apologizing. Instead, Sehun grinned and sat on the chair next to Minseok. “So, who’s the guy that stole my date?”

Minseok chuckled with his mouth full of food. “Kim Minseok,” he said, shaking his hand. “His boss.” Sehun gave him an impressed look and Junmyeon rolled his eyes. Then Minseok turned his head to Junmyeon, and under his breath said, “Christ, Jun, I can’t even look him in the eyes.”

Junmyeon started to laugh, Minseok joining him, leaving Sehun in confusion. “What, what’s he talking about?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Junmyeon said, wiping his mouth with a napkin and getting up. “We should go, we’re gonna be late for the movie. Sehunie?”

The chair creaked when he got up. Minseok looked up, eyebrows furrowed. “You barely ate.”

“I’m fine, not hungry anymore.” Junmyeon dismissed him with a wave of the hand, but he noticed the worried stare Minseok and Sehun shared between each other. How silly of them. They shouldn’t have to worry about him.

Sehun got up as well. “I guess we’ll meet some other time?” he told Minseok.

Minseok looked him up and down. “I sure hope so.” It earned a glare from Junmyeon. He grabbed Sehun’s hand and dragged him outside. (Sehun’s hand was warm – the kind of warmth you feel under the covers when you wake up. The kind of warmth you’d try to savour, that you keep coming back to. Sehun interlaced their fingers.)

The outside was getting darker, the sky already purple. The afternoon’s jam was clearing up, indicated by the smooth traffic on the roads and less honking and yelling coming from the drivers. It was chilly in the evening, so Junmyeon put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. There were used tissues inside – he grimaced at how gross he was. He quickly ran over to a trash can to throw it all away (because if he didn’t do it then, he’d definitely forget later), and when he came back, Junmyeon realised that Sehun was standing next to his motorcycle.

“Come on, hop on,” Sehun said, already putting the keys in. Junmyeon suddenly felt more cold than the temperature was supposed to feel. He was frozen in place. Sehun looked at him odd. “Jun? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Junmyeon said, flashing a smile. Nothing, except for the fact that Junmyeon had been unable to physically force himself to sit onto a motorcycle for the past three years. But, Sehun didn’t know that. And so to avoid any awkwardness, Junmyeon chose to keep that little detail to himself – it was about time for him to get over his fear, anyway.

There was a growing emptiness in his chest as he approached the vehicle. His feet and palms went numb, his entire body suddenly covered in cold sweat. But, it was silly. It was silly to be so afraid. People drove on motorcycles every day. He would be fine. 

Against everything inside himself, he managed to climb onto the motorcycle. Straddled it, felt the seat beneath him for the first time in God knows how long. His breathing was uneven, but he tried easing it up, taking in a deep breath, then releasing it slowly. The entire time he was telling himself there was nothing to worry about. Nothing to be scared of. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sehun, and that... That gave him a certain amount of comfort. Junmyeon definitely didn’t want to look scared in front of him – Sehun already put up with enough of Junmyeon’s problems.

Sehun, though. Sehun somehow calmed him down more than any of the other methods he’d learned in therapy.

(What therapy that was. Two months, and Junmyeon came out of it the same as he was when he came in – all it did do for him is teach him why spices were important when cooking. The blandness of the food there was paralleled only by that modernist exhibition he’d dragged Baekhyun and Minho to in his early twenties, for “cultural enlightening.” All three of them hated it, of course, but Baekhyun was the only one who vocalised his displeasure.)

After realising he was calm on a motorcycle, Junmyeon got his hopes way up. Maybe he was cured. But then, Sehun turned the key, and Junmyeon actually felt the engine running. In a flash, his breathing got all messed up again, and his eyes teared up, and the necklace burned around his neck, and he grasped Sehun tightly, but Sehun – Sehun went cold and lifeless in his hands, and no, Junmyeon couldn’t do this, no, no, “No!”

Junmyeon jumped off the motorcycle, pushing himself away and running backwards, backing up until he hit the wall of a building. He hugged himself, putting pressure on his chest because he couldn’t breathe and maybe that would help. He wanted to shrink down, disappear. When he shut his eyes, all he could see was red, red and blue, reflecting in the puddles of water. He opened his eyes as quickly as he had them shut. There was ringing in his ears. Pain in his leg. Pain– fuck. He slid down the wall.

Sehun ran towards him. Junmyeon felt his cheeks already damp – it was funny, how quickly it could start. (Sehun looked worried. Junmyeon hated worrying him.) 

Sehun crouched down. “Hey,” he spoke softly, cupping one of Junmyeon’s cheeks. Junmyeon looked down, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. Sehun retracted his hand. “What– Can you breathe? Properly?” 

Junmyeon hiccupped, shook his head. He was still gasping. Sehun gulped. “Alright, take– Shit. Take deep breaths. Like– Follow me, okay?” Sehun breathed in, slowly. Junmyeon followed. Then they breathed out at the same time.

They repeated that. A few times. Junmyeon finally looked up. His eyes stung, but he’d stopped crying a few breaths ago. Sehun looked like he was on the verge of crying as well. “Are you better?” he asked. Junmyeon nodded. He was better. The spots in front of his eyes disappeared, he wasn’t shaking anymore. “Do you want to get up?” he asked. Junmyeon nodded again. Sehun helped him up.

Junmyeon leapt into him, burying his head in his chest as Sehun’s arms instinctively wrapped around him. “Hey, hey,” he whispered into his hair, planting a little kiss there. Junmyeon breathed Sehun in. Listened to his heartbeat. He was warm. Breathing. Alive.

“Sorry,” he said, and he felt the way the vibrations of his voice travelled through Sehun’s body. Sehun pulled back a bit, so they could look at each other. “It’s just... Bikes, I can’t–“

“You apologise a lot, you know?” Sehun interrupted him. He looked serious. He cupped Junmyeon’s cheek, drying it off with his thumb. (Junmyeon quite liked it when he did that.) “And it’s for things you shouldn’t even be apologising for.”

Junmyeon didn’t know what to say. Sehun pulled away, at an arm’s length, and interlocked their hands. It was then that Junmyeon remembered they were outside. How embarrassing. Sehun motioned with his head. “Come on, let’s take you home.”

“The movie–“

“We can watch the movie some other time,” Sehun said. Junmyeon was unsure. Sehun squeezed his hand. “Jun, it’s fine, really. Come on.”

The walk to the apartment was a little awkward. Sehun didn’t mention anything about Junmyeon’s breakdown, instead he tried to take his mind off of it. (“When did you say this building was made?”) Junmyeon could tell he was curious, though. Of course he would be. He probably didn’t want to overwhelm Junmyeon. (Sehun was so patient with him, Junmyeon thought again. Perhaps even tried too much, much more than Junmyeon deserved.)

When they finally arrived, it was almost night-time. And Junmyeon didn’t want to spend it alone – neither did he want to leave Sehun in the dark about his situation. He was going to be a good boyfriend for once. (Maybe they could even sort out the boyfriend thing.) 

“Do you want to come inside?”

“Of course, baby,” Sehun answered. Junmyeon grew flustered after hearing the nickname, even managed to put the wrong key in the lock. Sehun seemed none less shy, though.

He turned the lights on. They took off their shoes in silence. It was warm inside. 

“Okay, I’ll go make us tea. You go sit,” Sehun said. Junmyeon refused. There was no reason for Sehun to do anything for him. But, Sehun refused the refusal, and blocked Junmyeon from entering his own kitchen. “Jun, I already know where all the stuff is. Go sit.”

Junmyeon didn’t want to sit, though. Instead, he glued himself to Sehun. Hugged him from behind and rested his head on his back while Sehun was busy working, maybe holding him back somewhat. Nether of them minded. They didn’t talk much while Sehun made tea. Junmyeon felt an intense urge to thank him. And explain himself. And properly apologise. All in due time. 

They sat in the living room, on the sofa, with only one lamp on. The yellow light made the room feel smaller, more cozy. More separated from the outside world, and all of its problems. Junmyeon was curled up on one end, slowly sipping tea.

“Hey, Jun?” Sehun called out. Junmyeon looked up at him, noticed Sehun’s hand around his ankle, and nearly got a heart attack before he realised that it was the good ankle. He shuddered. Sehun started stroking him with his thumb, as if he was easing him up for something. “About that earlier...”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon agreed. “We should– I should really say something.” 

“No, no, it’s–“ Sehun shook his head. He sighed. Junmyeon inspected the way his forehead wrinkled in deep thought. He was so pretty under the dim lights. “You don’t have to. I just wanted to apologise.”

“For what? Sehunie...” Junmyeon placed his cup on the coffee table and scooted closer to Sehun. “How could you have known?”

Sehun ran a hand through Junmyeon’s hair. It tickled, a bit. Sehun’s lips curled into a sad, small smile. Barely a twitch. Junmyeon’s heart broke. Sehun’s speech was heavy, as if the words didn’t want to leave his mouth and he had to spit them out by force, “That’s the thing, though. You could have said something. You didn’t have to take a seat. I feel like... It’s as if you feel forced to do certain things around me, and–“ 

“Sehunie, no,” Junmyeon whispered. He took Sehun’s hand in his. Sehun looked down at their intertwined fingers. “I just–“ he sighed and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Sehun’s shoulder. “It wasn’t you, it was... for me,” he admitted. “I wanted to see if I could be normal for a second. I guess.”

Sehun leaned his cheek on the top of Junmyeon’s head. “You can talk to me, you know?” They pulled away. Junmyeon looked up. “About anything. Seriously,” he said, his voice warm. He cupped Junmyeon’s cheek. Junmyeon pouted. “Please. I’m here for you.”

Junmyeon sighed, shaky. He felt the familiar pressure under his eyes, the itch in his throat. “I know. I was... scared.”

“Of what?” Sehun asked, serious, worried.

Junmyeon gulped down his tears. “That... you’d leave.”

But there was nothing Junmyeon wanted more than to be open with Sehun. To tell him everything. To get over himself and his fears. Something shifted in Sehun’s eyes then. He looked sad, sadder than ever before. He stroked Junmyeon’s cheek with his thumb again, and Junmyeon wished to stay there forever, exactly like that. In the dark, warm and wrapped in a blanket. Nestled in Sehun’s arms, in a small corner of his apartment. Away from everyone and everything. It was almost scary how much he wanted it. He wasn’t sure what future he would look forward for if Sehun wasn’t part of it. (Yes. It was positively frightening.)

“Baby, but I wouldn’t...”

And, Junmyeon could’ve argued back with anything, really. How they’d only known each other for little over two months, and Sehun couldn’t claim that with so much certainty. How Junmyeon wasn’t even worth trying so much for. How there was someone more worthy of Sehun – if anyone even deserved a person like him. (Junmyeon felt a pang of jealousy and a hint of possessiveness when he thought about someone else with Sehun.)

But then, Junmyeon realised he got to know Sehun a decent amount during that time. And, to his current knowledge, Sehun wasn’t the type to be cruel. Or, to leave the moment things got bad. He was careful, and loving, and Junmyeon wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve it, but for some reason, Sehun seemed to care for him. A lot. At least, Junmyeon hoped. He hoped he was right.

“I have to show you something,” he said. Sehun tilted his head. Junmyeon backed away a little and unbuttoned his jeans, before he could potentially change his mind. He took in a deep breath. There was no return now.

Sehun looked surprised, sounded bashful. “Um, Jun?”

Then Junmyeon realised what that scene might’ve looked like. “Oh. Oh, no, I wasn’t–“ he stuttered. Then pinched the tip of his nose. “Just– Just wait, okay?”

Sehun nodded. Junmyeon was nervous, and scared, but he pushed through it. For Sehun. For what they could potentially have together. He started to take off his jeans, but the excitement in his stomach caused him to stop in the middle of it. He turned to Sehun. “Okay, before I continue,” he said, slurred together. He didn’t know where to begin, what to say. He was aware of how comical he must’ve looked like, so he was glad that Sehun wasn’t laughing. Junmyeon took in a breath, as if he was going to say something, but then nothing came out.

“Easy,” Sehun chuckled. Junmyeon sighed. “Slow down. Just...” He motioned for Junmyeon to slowly breathe in, then out.

“Okay...” Junmyeon said. “Okay. Okay, yeah. I’ll say it.”

“Go on.”

“I’ll say it now,” Junmyeon repeated. He looked at Sehun, into his dark brown eyes that watched him with so much intent and care, and Junmyeon wasn’t feeling so afraid anymore. “A few years ago, I was in an accident.”

“Involving... Motorcycles?” Sehun asked. Junmyeon nodded.

“Yeah. That’s why I...,” Junmyeon said. “Why I haven’t driven on one since.” Sehun put a hand over his. Junmyeon smiled weakly. “And, in that accident I lost... Something.”

More than just something, he thought. His leg was more than something. And Minho, he was definitely more than just something. Junmyeon bit his lip. He wasn’t ready to talk about Minho just yet. 

Junmyeon got up and took his pants off. He had his eyes closed the entire time, opened them only once they were completely off. He peeked at Sehun’s reaction. He was looking at Junmyeon’s leg, and Junmyeon couldn’t decipher his expression. He was good at looking indifferent.

“So, yeah,” Junmyeon said. He crossed his arms. He laughed in all of that nervousness, wiggled the leg a bit. “That’s... That’s me. I’m– I’m sorry for not telling you before, I was–“

“Hey,” Sehun interrupted him. Then smiled. “Hey, it’s fine. I get it. Don’t worry.” He patted the seat next to him. Junmyeon reluctantly sat down. Sehun turned to him. Junmyeon looked up. “Thank you for telling me.”

Junmyeon wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t say _you’re welcome_. He could just smile awkwardly.

Sehun continued. “I’m... Happy. That you trusted me enough to tell me.”

Junmyeon put his hands over his face, embarrassed. “You sap.” Sehun laughed. Junmyeon peeked through his fingers down at his bare legs. He still had socks on, so it looked even funnier. “So it’s not a problem?”

Sehun furrowed his eyebrows. “No. It’s something new, yeah, but it’s not– Did you think I’d have a problem with it?”

Junmyeon raised his shoulders in defence. “I don’t know, I’ve never shown it to anyone else,” he said. Then realised – he really didn’t show his leg to anyone, aside from the people aware of his situation. “So I was worried.”

“Well, there’s nothing to worry about,” Sehun said, poking his cheek. Junmyeon giggled. Sehun’s hand hovered over his leg.

“Can I?” he asked. Junmyeon nodded. Sehun lowered his hand. “It’s cold,” he said, gently caressing the knee. Junmyeon hummed. “Do you feel anything?”

“No, not really,” Junmyeon answered. Sehun ran his hand up a bit, touching Junmyeon's skin, maybe to compare. (He hoped Sehun didn’t feel his reaction.) “It’s weird. I do have a general feeling that something is there, though. I wouldn’t know how to explain it.”

Sehun asked a few more questions, easing both himself and Junmyeon into everything. How it worked (Junmyeon tried keeping it brief, knowing full well that the technicalities of it all would bore the both of them); who made it (“Oh! Kyungsoo and Seulgi! You know them. They’re really talented.”), how he showered, and everything in between. Junmyeon explained it all.

“And it needs oiling every now and then,” he finished his speech. Sehun had been listening to everything carefully, how Junmyeon cared for the mechanism, what its limits were. It was a little overwhelming, as if Sehun was remembering everything for future use. His hand barely moved from Junmyeon’s leg too, and it was a cold burn under it that spread to places other than his thigh. Junmyeon bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood.

“So, technically,” Sehun started. “You’re kind of like a motorcycle yourself.”

Junmyeon chuckled. He looked down, moving the leg left and right. It didn’t really seem as bad as before. “Yeah, I guess...”

Sehun leaned down a little closer to him. “So that means I can ride you sometime?”

Junmyeon blinked. “Sehunie!” He lightly shoved him. Sehun was laughing. Junmyeon shook his head. They looked at each other. Junmyeon shifted. He hated to make things serious again, now that they were light-hearted. “There’s more.”

“More?”

“To the story,” Junmyeon elaborated. He felt his throat close up. For the briefest second, Minho appeared in front of him. He gulped. “But I don’t think I can talk about it yet.” He looked down. “I thought– I thought it’d be better if you knew more existed, though. That’s why... I said that.”

Sehun tilted his head. His eyes sparkled. “Whenever you’re ready, baby,” he whispered. “I’ll be here.”

“Thank you,” Junmyeon said, his voice small. Sehun smiled. Then he put his hand on Sehun’s shoulder and leaned so he could kiss him.

It was soft, innocent. Junmyeon’s hand moved up Sehun’s neck, up to his hair. Sehun hummed, shifted so it was more comfortable for the both of them. Junmyeon deepened the kiss by tilting his head, and Sehun followed. Then he pulled away.

Junmyeon pouted. Sehun looked at his lips, then his eyes. As if he was looking for something. Junmyeon licked his lips and kissed him again. With a bit more intent this time. A bit more force.

“Sehunie,” Junmyeon sighed, but there was much more he wanted to say, to ask for. He couldn’t. He could just hope Sehun understood.

Sehun bit his glossy lip, red from the kissing, and biting, and sucking. “Are you sure?” he asked. Junmyeon nodded, quickly, impatient to satisfy his need, before he leaned in and kissed him again.

“I’m sure.”

They made their way towards the bedroom, lips not leaving each other – only in the case they bumped into some furniture, or a wall. Or the hard bedroom door. Sehun laughed through a groan after he threw his head back and banged against it. “You know, we would get there faster if we stopped to breathe a second.”

Junmyeon nuzzled their noses together. “I don’t wanna.” Sehun felt the door behind him for the knob and opened it, with them almost falling down without support behind them. They giggled. Sehun closed the door behind them. Junmyeon pushed him up against it, clinging onto his arms. Sehun held his face, gently. Kissed him tenderly. Junmyeon felt like he was melting under his touch. 

Junmyeon pulled away again, a string of saliva connecting their lips. He had something embarrassing to admit. “There’s... Something else I haven’t done in three years.”

It took a moment for Sehun to connect the dots. “Oh,” was all he said before kissing Junmyeon’s lips again. “Don’t worry,” he said in between the kisses.

And then they were at the edge of the bed. Junmyeon looked up into Sehun’s eyes. He felt a burn in his chest, and behind his ears. Sehun looked down at him, eyes hidden behind a shadow. Junmyeon looked down at his body, his chest. Sehun was so broad. He put his hands there, let them roam his body, down his stomach and up his chest, his neck. 

Sehun took his shirt off. Junmyeon sat back on the bed. Sehun crawled in between his legs, kissed him, his hand resting on Junmyeon’s hip. A soft grip. Junmyeon moaned into his mouth, light but desperate, as their tongues slid one over the other. He tugged at Sehun’s hair. He felt like he was coming down with a fever – his body was hot, then cold, then both at the same time. His mind was fuzzy, his toes tingled. Sehun pushed him further back down, setting his head on the pillow. 

“How did you want to do this?” Sehun asked, millimetres away from Junmyeon’s lips. His eyes were closed, and his voice was so deep, so raspy, Junmyeon was well about to lose his mind. How did he want to do this? How had he imagined it before? It depended – sometimes he dreamt of Sehun bending him over the dining table (unhygienic, Junmyeon was well aware of it), other times it was Sehun who was under him.

Junmyeon stuttered. He wasn’t sure how to be straightforward about this kind of thing. “I– I was thinking... You could... Me...,” he tried explaining, in the shyest voice possible, helping himself with gestures.

Sehun nodded. Understood. Junmyeon got a rush of a strange feeling every time Sehun would seem to just understand whatever it was that Junmyeon didn’t know how to say. (Or was too afraid to.) 

“Alright. Alright, we can– Cool, we can do that.” He sat up, Junmyeon’s legs wrapped around his waist. He put his slightly shaky hands on his belt. Junmyeon’s stomach was full of butterflies. His heart was beating fast. And he was so nervous – but not in a way that would make him want to stop. Instead, he was more impatient than anything.

Sehun froze suddenly. Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s wrong? Do you– Do you want to stop?” 

“No! God no, baby, it’s just...” Sehun ran a hand through his hair. “You haven’t done it in so long, and it’s a bit pressuring–“

“Sehunie, you shouldn’t feel–“

“Because...” Sehun’s hands found their way to Junmyeon’s waist, the shock of it shutting Junmyeon up. They crawled under his shirt. He held Junmyeon there, slowly rubbing circles into his skin with his thumbs. “It has to be good, and I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Junmyeon chuckled. “Sehunie, I don’t know how to say this,” he said through a grin. It was cute how worried Sehun was, thought there really was no reason for that. “I’ve seen your dick, Sehun. There’s no way you could disappoint me.”

Sehun blushed, hiding his face in the place between Junmyeon’s shoulder and neck. “You’re embarrassing,” he whined. (And it was _that_ place on Junmyeon’s neck, the spot where even a brief touch would turn him on, let alone a pair of wet lips and hot breath.) Junmyeon laughed, but it was starting to become difficult to stay sane with his dick growing harder by the second. He bucked his hips up, but it was futile. Sehun took his shirt off in one swift movement, and then it crossed Junmyeon’s mind – he was almost entirely naked. In front of someone. For what felt like the first time. And he would’ve been embarrassed, had Sehun not have looked at him as if he would disappear in any second – had he not held him like you would a priceless work of art.

Sehun traced his fingers over Junmyeon’s soft tummy. (He hadn’t worked out in a while. He hoped Sehun, who obviously took _very_ good care of himself, didn’t mind.) Around his belly button, up his stomach. Over his chest. Sehun leaned down for another kiss.

Junmyeon felt little kisses on his neck tickle him. It was light pecks, until Sehun bit him, just enough to feel good. On _that_ spot. Junmyeon didn’t think to stop his moan. Sehun sucked on there while Junmyeon’s hands desperately clung around his neck. Sehun started to kiss down his neck, his shoulder, his chest. Junmyeon was at the limit of his patience.

“Sehunie,” he whined. Sehun pulled away.

“I’ll get there. Be patient.”

“I’ve been patient!” Junmyeon argued. For too long a time. Sehun going so slow was torture. 

“Baby,” Sehun said, voice firm. He put a thumb on Junmyeon’s nipple and flicked it. Junmyeon hissed. “I wanna do this right, okay?” Then he crouched over the bed and turned the bedside lamp on. “I want to see you.”

And his voice was so soft when he said that, Junmyeon felt a shiver go through his entire body. The kind of shiver that left him feeling cold afterwards. Sehun kissed him again.

And then, he kissed every part of his body. With his lips, hands, breath. Junmyeon felt that with every moan, with every sigh, he buried Sehun deeper into his mind. And it felt so _good_ , that Junmyeon didn’t have the time to realise how the feelings he had for Sehun were doubling, tripling with each thrust. 

Sehun was wrapped all around him, and filled everything inside of him. Junmyeon’s mind was echoing Sehun’s name only. And in one moment, he suddenly became extremely aware of everything. He felt his fingers slide over Sehun’s sweaty skin. Felt the tingle in his toes. Felt the bed squeak beneath them. The covers he’d sleep under if it was any other night. Sehun’s grunts and groans – _God_ , every sound Sehun made engraved itself forever in his brain.

Junmyeon opened his eyes to see Sehun above him. His hair damp, eyes closed, mouth slightly agape. Pink lips that Junmyeon would kiss if he had the strength to lift himself up. Sehun opened his eyes, perhaps feeling Junmyeon’s gaze on him. His eyes were lidded, dark. Junmyeon moved a hand so he could hold his face. Trace his bottom lip. Sehun’s mouth curled into a little smirk before he started going faster. Junmyeon gasped, repeating Sehun’s name over and over again, never breaking eye contact. Because that was the only thing he could do, the only thing occupying his thoughts. Sehun.

“Baby.” Sehun threw his head low. And then it was one, two, three – and Junmyeon’s nails dug into Sehun’s back, his toes curled, body tensed up. He threw his head back into the pillow, mouth open, silently reaching and coming down from his high.

Once finished, Sehun threw himself next to Junmyeon, lying on his stomach. He buried his head into his elbow, groaning. Junmyeon was gasping, only just starting catching his breath. Then he laughed. Sehun laughed as well. He raised himself enough to kiss Junmyeon’s damp cheek. Junmyeon wiped it with his hand – had he cried? He didn’t feel it. 

Junmyeon looked over at Sehun. His fond stare was piercing. “What is it?” he asked.

Sehun smiled, his head resting on his arms. “You know, that thing you did–“

“Stop, stop, stop!” Junmyeon leapt to put a hand over Sehun’s mouth. Sehun started to laugh, removing it gently. Junmyeon wore a pressed smile on his lips, rather embarrassed by the praise.

“It’s not like anyone will hear. Either way, it was good,” Sehun chuckled. Junmyeon laid back down on his back. Sehun continued to stare down at him. Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. Sehun laughed quietly. “Nothing, I just... Really like you.”

Junmyeon exhaled, a bit nervous. He looked up at the ceiling, a, “Why?” escaping his lips before he even had time to process it. Before he had time to bury down his insecurities.

Sehun raised himself by his elbows. “You always do this.”

“Do what?” Junmyeon turned to lie his side, facing Senun.

Sehun seemed to hesitate before continuing. “You... You act like my feelings for you are weird.”

“They–“

“They aren’t.” Sehun sounded angry – not at Junmyeon, but Junmyeon still felt like that was the case. Sehun moved so that he was hovering over Junmyeon again. Junmyeon felt small. “They’re not weird. It’s not weird that I like your laugh, and how you know the weirdest things about buildings–,” Junmyeon laughed, a bit restrained, avoiding eye contact, “–or how you burn the popcorn every single time–“

“Twice! It happened two times!” Junmyeon giggled at the accusation.

“Out of three,” Senun added. Junmyeon rolled his eyes. Sehun continued. “It’s not... I don’t think it’s something that can be explained. It doesn’t have a why, so don’t ask for it. I just... Like you.” He cuddled Junmyeon. Wrapped his arm around him, pulled him to his chest. It was warm. And a bit sticky. They ought to shower. Maybe after a few more cuddles.

“I’m comfortable with you. And I like that,” he mumbled into Junmyeon’s hair. “That should be enough, I hope.”

His voice was barely above a whisper. It crossed Junmyeon’s mind that, maybe, his actions hurt Sehun. By how closed off he was most of the time, or all the times he was distant or secretive because he didn’t want to be hurt himself. And it backfired in the worst way possible.

Junmyeon averted his gaze up, to look at Sehun. Sehun, who may have been just as insecure, but didn’t show it for Junmyeon’s sake. 

Junmyeon traced patterns in Sehun’s skin, moving his index across his chest. How could anyone hurt Sehun without feeling horrible afterwards? He decided to never do it again. Ever. “It is...” Junmyeon was too shy to talk about things like these. He’d always found expressing romantic feelings through words to be a bit awkward for him. “You’re enough, Sehunie.”

And then, just so the words didn’t hang in the air too long, he moved so he could kiss him. Sehun smiled through the kiss. “You’re so awkward when you’re sappy.”

“Shut up,” Junmyeon pulled away. “I’m trying my best.”

“And, I appreciate it,” Sehun said. Junmyeon put his hand on Sehun’s cheek. Traced along his jaw. “You’re also very cute.”

“Shut...” Junmyeon whispered. He squeezed his ear gently. Sehun was looking up at him through half lidded eyes. Maybe they’d shower in the morning instead. “So, does that mean...”

“... Mean what?”

Junmyeon bit his lip. “We’re... Boyfriends, then.”

Sehun stared at him for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. Junmyeon felt a little bit silly. “Why wouldn’t–,” he laughed again. “I mean, yes, that’s what I thought we were. You didn’t?” Junmyeon shrugged. He _did_. He just wasn’t that sure. Sehun smiled. “Why would you have to ask? What confused you? Is this what you do with all your _other_ friends?”

“No,” Junmyeon said, giggling behind his hands.

“I sure hope not,” Senun said, kissing his shoulder.

And somewhere in those moments, it struck Junmyeon how devastated he would be if he didn’t have Sehun. He became so important to him so quickly. He’d gotten used to having Sehun over every day, doing things with him before and after work, and now, maybe he’d even get used to sleeping next to Sehun. Every night. And getting used to his days being any other way would be extremely hard. Perhaps impossible. 

“I really like you too,” he said, instead of voicing any other worry he had. Instead of begging Sehun to never leave, because he couldn’t see himself opening up to anyone else like that again. This might’ve been his last shot. And God, was Sehun a good shot.

It wasn’t a lie, though. Junmyeon really did like Sehun. A lot. And maybe a bit more than just that.

“ _He’s_ coming too?” Baekhyun stared at Jongin and Junmyeon, utterly appalled. Junmyeon put his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders in an attempt to calm him down.

“Baek, like it or not, you are on the same team now,” he said. Baekhyun rolled his eyes, freeing himself from Junmyeon’s hold. “Besides, I thought you two were cool now.”

“Yeah, we spend one afternoon together and we’re best friends. Nice logic,” Baekhyun spat back. Junmyeon pinched the tip of his nose. Jongin went to say something, but Junmyeon raised his hand to stop him. “Don’t. Let him cool down. He’ll stop eventually.”

Baekhyun sat on the sofa in Junmyeon’s living room, diving into the cushions. He tilted his head. “Well, that’s a new approach,” he commented. Junmyeon quirked an eyebrow. Baekhyun put his index to his lips, scanning him with his eyes. Junmyeon felt uncomfortable. He immediately moved from his spot, moving towards the table where he put the taped races, arranging the CDs for no particular reason. 

Jongin checked his phone. “Taem said they’ll be running late a little,” he said. Baekhyun groaned audibly. Jongin glared at him. “What now? If anything, you’ll be spending less time with them.”

“I rather spend no time with them,” Baekhyun said, arms crossed across his chest. His face had a satisfied expression once Jongin put a hand on his forehead, rubbing his temples.

“How are you such a kid?” Jongin wondered.

“Stop fighting. And tell him it’s no problem,” Junmyeon said, a bit absent, more like a passing comment. “We’re not in a rush.”

Baekhyun spoke up again, the mischief in his voice increasing every time he opened his mouth. “Oh, I know what’s different. Nini, can you tell?” Jongin rolled his eyes, probably at the nickname. But when Baekhyun further inquired with his gaze, he shrugged in response. Baekhyun turned his head towards Junmyeon, biting the nail on his thumb. “Our Junmyeon finally got laid.”

Junmyeon froze in shock. “What– That– That’s none of your business,” he practically shouted. His cheeks were quickly turning red. Baekhyun, that bastard. How could he say something like that so easily? “Why do–“

“I’m literally sitting on a pack of condoms,” Baekhyun said, pulling them from under him. Junmyeon blushed even more furiously, stomping towards him to grab them back. That was rather embarrassing. He thanked God no one else was there to see it. Baekhyun smirked. “You might want to find a better place for those.” 

“I _will_ ,” Jummyeon said, snatching them away from Baekhyun. 

Meanwhile, Jongin, the angel that he was, already prepared drinks and snacks, and set the TV on the right setting. (Something Jummyeon always had issues with. There were too many buttons!) Baekhyun put his feet on the coffee table.

“Oh, not with your shoes on you won’t.” Jongin smacked them away. Baekhyun yelped.

“’S not even your house,” Baekhyun commented, but he sat properly in the end.

While they were waiting for the others to arrive, Jongin helped Junmyeon with putting the CD in. Junmyeon managed to record some of the professional races so the guys would know what they were up against. If they were going to have any chance at winning, they should at least know their rivals.

Soon enough, everyone was there. Junmyeon wasn’t sure why he’d invited all of them, and not just Baekhyun and Jongin like all those times before – they did seem like an odd bunch, especially now that they were sat and pushed together on the sofas. Sure, Sehun was Junmyeon’s boyfriend and Chanyeol’s best friend; Junmyeon was Baekhyun and Jongin’s coach and Taemin was Jongin’s best friend; And all of them were racers, so they were all connected to each other, if only loosely. But, it was still odd seeing them together in the same room.

Though, the more time passed, the more Junmyeon felt like this was how it’s always been. 

“Stop nudging me.”

“I’m not even touching you!”

“Guys.” Junmyeon stood in front of the TV, as if he was about to give an important speech. Baekhyun got up from his seat, where he was next to Jongin, and walked over to the kitchen, possibly to get a beer. Junmyeon was forced to halt with his little presentation. He glanced towards Sehun, who was stifling a laugh. Junmyeon narrowed his eyes at him. Baekhyun came back into the room, can of beer in his hand.

“As I was saying... I don’t know how acquainted you are with the current racing scene, but I thought I’d give a–,” the can being opened had him pause again, but he continued as if nothing had happened, “–a small crash course.”

“I don’t need to know their names to win,”Baekhyun said after taking a sip of his beer. Junmyeon put his hands on his hips.

Before he got to say anything, Taemin joined in. “Baek, you’re such an ass. He’s trying to help you, and you shut him down.”

“That wasn’t what I–,” Baekhyun started to speak, but stopped midway. He drank again. 

Junmyeon turned to Taemin. He felt awkward when their eyes met, as if he was expecting Taemin to add onto his words. With something worse. Taemin just smiled, though. “Thank you, Taem. So, your biggest threats, in my opinion would be...”

He tried clicking on the remote control, but nothing happened. Jongin jumped up to help him. “Right. Right, so,” he turned to his audience again. It was small, and it was only the people he knew, but he was still terribly nervous. He looked at Sehun again. Sehun gave him a thumbs up and a wink. Right. Junmyeon sighed. That was better. “So, first we have Irene Bae. Rides for SM motors.”

The big TV showed a clip from a race in which she won. Irene was an extremely popular figure in South Korea – both as a racer and a celebrity. “She’s pretty sharp with her movements, and very... bold.” The next clip was of her getting so close to another racer, they were forced to give way to her. Perhaps out of fear. Irene was intimidating both with a helmet on, and off. “She doesn’t shy away from tricks like these. But she’s also good technically, and so is her bike.”

“I love her,” said Chanyeol, lounged back in the single seat. He had a bowl of chips in his lap. Sehun was sitting on the handrest. Chanyeol continued, “She’s got style, y’know.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I mean, she’s okay...” Jongin whispered something to Taemin and the two of them snickered. Baekhyun glared at them. “What?” The other two just shook their heads, but continued to laugh between each other.

“Okay...” Junmyeon continued to talk about a few more racers, about three of them. But he wasn’t really worried about them – not when it came to Baekhyun. Junmyeon hoped it wasn’t bias that had him thinking these racers had nothing on Baekhyun. Or Chanyeol, at that. Those two... Junmyeon had high expectations of them. The others were good as well, in terms of street racing. But there was something special he saw in Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Something else.

Of course, that didn’t mean there was no competition for them. Junmyeon was just about to continue, when, “I need another beer.” Baekhyun went back to the kitchen. Right when it was important for him to listen.

“Baek just– in a minute, okay?” Junmyeon didn’t feel like waiting much longer. Baekhyun rolled his eyes, but stayed in place. He didn’t sit back down, though. “Right. So, this next one.”

He successfully played the next clip, mentally congratulating himself. “Kim Jongdae. Probably the top racer for the past three seasons. This is the one you have to look out for most.” He looked between Baekhyun and Chanyeol when he said that. “He’s clean. Smooth. And very confident. Likes to stall before he sweeps the victory – the crowd loves that. And he takes it almost every time.”

Baekhyun groaned. “Annoys the shit out of me.” Ironic, Junmyeon thought. Both of them were show-offs. “His face is everywhere.”

“Well, he kind of is South Korea’s sweetheart right now,” Chanyeol argued.

“Yeah, still.” Baekhyun swung the empty can in his hand. “He’s got a stupid face. All of those SM racers do.”

_SM Motors_. The top racing team in the country. If anyone was going to pass, if anyone was going to beat Baekhyun or Chanyeol, it’d be one of those guys. And Kim Jongdae was the guy Junmyeon feared the most. 

And while the others continued to bicker in the background, Junmyeon watched the race on the screen. How Jongdae timed his curves, controlled his speed. How it was as if he could predict what everyone else was going to do, but no one else could tell what his next move was. It was scary. And impressive.

Junmyeon bit his lip. He was filled with anxiety, though he wasn’t the one who would be racing. He crossed his arms across his chest. Then he felt another pair wrap around his waist.

“You okay?” Sehun whispered. _I am now._ Junmyeon groaned and leaned his head back. 

Sehun turned them so they were facing the others, placing a wet kiss on his cheek. Junmyeon grimaced teasingly. Then he looked at Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Arguing between each other as always – well, it was Baekhyun arguing. Chanyeol kept smiling while talking the entire time. They were such an odd pair.

“They’re gonna be alright. Right?” Junmyeon asked.

“Of course,” Sehun said. “Don’t worry.” And his words worked like magic. Junmyeon hated the power Sehun had over him, but at the same time, he was thankful for it. 

Sehun used his magic words again, “Let’s order pizza, I’m starving.”

Junmyeon smiled. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that was okayyy...... I don't think I managed to convey everything I wanted to, But it is presentable.
> 
> Sometimes I feel like rewriting everything but then I'm like ehhhhh it's not that bad. I can live with this
> 
> (CBists u are not ready for chapter 6 I will feed you well do not worry)
> 
> comment plz I like talking to you guys a lot 🙏
> 
> props to me for keeping this note short. I think I did. Oh whatever.


	6. Interlude: Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three bad dreams and their aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayy something a little different? Kinda? A little inter-chapter... thing? idk
> 
> i just needed to stall the actual chapter 6 lol

I

Jongin woke up to a noise coming from the living room. He groaned, squinting at the digital clock on the bedside table. _3:12 a.m._ What the hell was Taemin doing up so late? (Or early? Jongin wasn't ever sure. Those little hours between midnight and the morning were very ambiguous in that sense.)

A yellow glow came from underneath the bedroom door. Taemin never did like the dark. Jongin felt curiousity build up inside of him. Curiousity mixed with slight annoyance as well as worry. He had been awoken, after all – but for God knows what reason. 

And, since he'd always had a hard time going back to sleep after waking up... 

The light woke him up even more, though it wasn't so bright. Taemin had a dimmer switch – a useful little thing it was. He rubbed his eyes, casting away the little sleep he had left inside of him – there went his quota for the night. 

He stumbled through the short hallway just before the living room. It was a tad bit claustrophobic. Walls tended to grow closer during night-time. Jongin walked quickly, trying not to imagine the things behind him. He still carried some of his silly childhood fears.

Taemin was sitting on the sofa, elbows on knees and head in his hands. Silver strands of hair tangled between his fingertips, worn-out and tousled from all the tugging. Jongin approached him with caution. Taemin was still, maybe half asleep. It wasn't a very comfortable position, though. Jongin would've had to wake him anyway.

"Taem?" his voice, but a whisper, snapped Taemin out of whatever trance he was stuck in. He looked up at Jongin, hair falling over his forehead, back into its place. Jongin wanted to brush it back, but resisted the urge. The corner of Taemin's lips tugged into a tired smile.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" he asked, and Jongin could tell by the sound of his voice that it wasn't a good night. It was gravelly and dry. Jongin sat down next to him, putting a hand on his arm. Taemin looked down at it. "Go back to sleep, Nini."

Jongin softened his grip, started to rub circles into Taemin's soft skin. He looked into his eyes, barely making out how red they were behind all the hair. Taemin scoffed, looking away. Jongin frowned. "What's wrong, Taem?"

"Nothing," he said. Lied. Jongin was aware. He didn't respond to that; Just sat closer to Taemin, put an arm around him. He felt how weak Taemin was under his fingers. So frail, delicate. So unlike the act Taemin put on around the rest of the world. And it saddened Jongin, because he knew that it was the real Taemin in there with him – in that moment, in that room, the fragile Taemin in his arms was the Taemin with no walls around him.

Taemin was rarely so openly vulnerable. That's why Jongin felt special being able to witness those moments. He felt like Taemin trusted him more than anyone else. Like he was most comfortable with Jongin. And not with someone else, like Naeun.

(And there Jongin went, to his selfish, jealous thoughts. He tried to clear his mind of them as quickly as they came – it wasn't the right time. He had to focus on Taemin, which truthfully, was never hard for him.)

Taemin took in a shaky breath before leaning into his touch, putting his head on Jongin's shoulder. He crossed his arms over his chest, making himself smaller. "I had a bad dream."

Jongin hummed. He was focused on one spot on the wall. The lights were still dim enough for his vision to be fuzzy. He rubbed Taemin's shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He felt Taemin shake his head. "I don't know... Don't know how," he said. Jongin didn't want to make him uncomfortable by bothering him with questions. They sat so, cuddled up, in silence. Taemin would sniffle sometimes, but he wasn't crying anymore. "Thanks for staying over."

Jongin smiled. Taemin had invited a few of his friends over to watch a game of football. When it was done, everybody slowly left, one by one. Apart from Jongin. Of course, nothing happened between the two of them. He just slept over, the way normal friends did. Admittedly, they were in the same bed. But purely platonic.

"It was no problem," he said. "Someone had to help you clean up the mess Wonshik made."

Taemin giggled, yawning in the process. He buried his head in Jongin's chest. Somehow, they ended up lying down, Jongin on his back, Taemin in his arms. The giggle echoed in the hollow of his lungs. "He does always make a mess, huh?"

"And then never stays to help!" Jongin added, to which Taemin laughed once more. Jongin scratched the skin on the back of Taemin's neck. Their legs were intertwined. He gulped. "But we always have to clean up after ourselves when we're at his place. Lazy ass."

"Yeah," Taemin hummed. He sounded so tired. He looked up at Jongin, and Jongin looked down at him. Taemin smiled, raising himself up and slowly inching closer to him. Jongin, shocked, snapped his head to the side. It was too sudden of an action. He felt too cruel. Jongin faked a yawn, putting a hand over his mouth in an attempt to hide the reaction. Though, maybe a kiss wasn't Taemin's intention. He could've read the situation wrong.

Taemin ducked back down, his fingers tightly gripping Jongin's shirt. Jongin had one hand on Taemin's back, moving it up and down at times. "Jongin?" Taemin whispered. "You won't leave me, right?"

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows. "Taem," he said, putting a hand on his cheek. _Where was that coming from?_ He lifted his face. Taemin was so close to crying. Jongin's heart broke. "Taem, no. Why– No. Never." 

"You promise?" he asked. Jongin nodded. Taemin's grip on his shirt tightened. "You absolutely promise?"

"Yes." He wiped a tear off Taemin's cheek. "I promise. I swear. I won't leave you. You–" _You are the most important person to me._ "– You're my best friend. We've been best friends since forever." Taemin frowned. Jongin continued, "I don't know a life without you. So, no, I don't think I could ever leave you, even if I'd wanted to."

Taemin scoffed, and though his eyes were still teary, they didn't look so sad. "I didn't– I didn't ask for a love confession, Nini." He sniffled again, through a laugh that time. Jongin rolled his eyes. 

"Let's just get you back to bed," he said, lifting them both up. 

"Okay..." Taemin tagged along behind him, clinging to his hand with both of his own. Taemin's hands were so small – they easily fit into Jongin's palm. Both of them. 

Jongin turned the lights off as they entered the hallway, feeling a weight on his chest. Taemin was close to him. They've been close always. In so many ways. But never close enough. Never the way it should've been.

Taemin snuggled under the covers, hogging the entire blanket for himself. He rolled to the side and wrapped himself up entirely. Jongin clicked his tongue. "Taem, come on."

Taemin groaned. "I'm tired," he said, dragging out each word. Jongin pulled a face (which couldn't have been seen in the dark, but he hoped the way he moved could indicate his mood) and tried to take at least a bit of the blanket back. Taemin turned closer to him and unwrapped himself. Jongin could finally get under it. He wasn't sure why they didn't use two blankets, though.

Their backs were against each other. Jongin put a hand under his pillow, ready to go to sleep, but then Taemin mumbled. "Nini, cuddle me."

Jongin's chest fluttered. He could pretend to be asleep, not indulge in his fantasy anymore. He just had to ignore him.

He wasn't as strong as he wanted to be, though. He turned around and wrapped his arm around Taemin. Just for a bit.

Their breathing was in sync. Jongin closed his eyes in an attempt to fall back asleep, but no images appeared in his brain. It was preoccupied with Taemin's scent, and his soft snores, and there was no way Jongin was ever getting over him. No matter how much he fought himself.

(And maybe he didn't have to. He could spend a lifetime in love with his best friend, as long as Taemin was still in that life. He would always love Jongin in a way more special than any other lover, anyway. And Jongin could settle for someone else, too. Just as long as he had Taemin near, it would be alright. They would still love each other the most. _But then why, why did it still not feel like enough? Why would he still need to crave more?_ )

"Nini," Taemin whispered. Jongin hummed. Taemin traced a pattern on Jongin's arm. "I miss him."

Jongin suspected it was that. "I know. I do too," he said. Taemin somehow cuddled up even closer to him.

Taemin chuckled. "You know, some Saturdays I still get the feeling that–," he breathed in, shallow and shaky. "That he's gonna pick us up and take us camping."

_Oh, right._ Back when the two of them were younger, in their early teens, Minho would take them on these so-called adventures. Sometimes just the three of them, sometimes joined by Junmyeon. (But back then, Junmyeon was a proper nerd, and they would've rather spent time with the cooler Minho.) Minho felt like a real older brother then – and at nineteen, he was everything Taemin and Jongin wished to have been when they grew up. They sort of idolised him. Taemin especially.

"Yeah, I remember those." They were fun. Jongin remembered that it was during one of those nights, in their shared tent, that he realised he wanted to kiss Taemin for the first time. _Huh._ It'd been that long already.

(Yeah. That was definitely never going away.)

Their breathing gradually fell out of sync. "And then..." Jongin could almost hear the sad curve to Taemin's lips. "Then... he just never does come, Nini."

Jongin wasn't sure what to say. He just hugged him closer. Taemin sighed. "Sorry for bumming you out," he said.

"You didn't. It's fine." Jongin didn't even realise that he'd kissed the back of Taemin's head before it was too late. "Was... Your dream about that?"

"Sort of," Taemin answered. That was probably the most he'd get out of him. "I hate it. But at least I get to see him."

Jongin's eyes stung. Shit. Taemin went back to sleep quickly after that, judging by his stillness and snores. And Jongin? Jongin always had trouble going back to sleep after being woken up once. 

II

_Junmyeon was standing in the middle of a street, wet from the rain pouring down on him, each drop sharp, like tiny icy needles. He wasn't sure how he got there._

_He felt a strange urge to move forward. He had to get somewhere quickly. But where? Where was he going?_

_It was dark all around him. A bit fuzzy on the edges. The darkness was vast. And strange. And he was filled with a feeling of utter dread. He wanted to get rid of it. So, he just began to walk faster._

_He wasn't sure how much he'd walked already – it felt like both an eternity and a second – but nothing around him changed at all. And then, in the distance, he could see train tracks. Someone was standing there._

_Could it be...?_

_Shit. His left leg started to burn. Junmyeon halted in his step – but he couldn't stop now. He had to get to Minho. He was there. Standing still, a dark, motionless figure. It was Minho._

_A loud noise broke out, suddenly, piercing Junmyeon's ears. A train. Fuck._ Fuck. _Why wasn't Minho moving? He had to get out of there, quickly._

_Junmyeon had to warn him. So, he ran._

_But there was no way Junmyeon would get there in time to save him. (And somehow, for every few steps he made, it felt like he went backwards a bit.) He had to get Minho's attention in another way._

_He opened his mouth to yell, but nothing came out. Strange. Junmyeon's heart started beating faster. He tried to yell again, but only air came out._

What the fuck? _He tried again, managed to get a strangled sound out that time. But it want enough. Why was it so difficult?_

_He tried his hardest, but he couldn't get a sound loud or comprehensible enough out. And the train was getting so close. Junmyeon was panicking. He began to cry. Minho had to get out of there fast. And he was just standing there – why wasn't he moving?_

_Junmyeon was really close to Minho, though. He could get there. He just had to run a bit faster. He couldn't give up now. He reached out with his hand, opened his mouth, hopeful. Minho was looking ahead at the train tracks. The train would be coming in front of him. 'God damn it, Minho, move', Junmyeon thought._

_And just when he thought he'd make it, Minho turned his head towards him. Their eyes met. Junmyeon ran faster than ever before. He could get there in time. He could._ He could. __

_But the train was so much faster than Junmyeon._ No. _Junmyeon had to try once more. His last chance. He filled his lungs with as much air as possible, and he tried to yell out–_

"Minho!"

Junmyeon shot up, breathing heavily. It took him a few seconds to process his surroundings. He was in his room, in his bed. Covered in cold sweat. And at first, he couldn't remember a thing. But then he heard Minho's name echoing against the walls, ringing in his ears. And it all came back to him. 

He started to shake, suddenly breaking into a sob. He slapped a hand over his mouth to stop it from bursting out, but it didn't help. Not even when he tried squeezing his mouth shut. Fuck. _Fuck._

The shifting to his side reminded him that he wasn't alone. "Jun?" Sehun called out. Junmyeon gasped, desperate to regain control. "Jun, it's three in the morning, what–"

Sehun got up once he heard Junmyeon's soft cries. "Baby? Hey, what's–"

Junmyeon could hear the tiredness in Sehun's voice. He felt horrible for waking him. He wanted to tell him to go back to sleep, but he couldn't get a sound out. Sehun wrapped a hand around Junmyeon's wrist, gently removing it from his face. He pulled him closer to himself. 

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here. I'm with you. You're safe. Don't worry."

Sehun spoke in between short kisses to Junmyeon's hair. Junmyeon, still gasping for air, cuddled into Sehun's chest. He thought, this had become too regular of an occurrence, though he'd only really cried in front of Sehun twice before – and one of those times it was while cutting onion. Sehun wrapped his arms around him, gently stroked his back while Junmyeon calmed down. 

"Sorry," Junmyeon mumbled. Sehun clicked his tongue.

"No need," he said. Junmyeon sighed, clinging onto Sehun's shirt. It was damp. "You alright? What happened?"

"Bad dream." Junmyeon felt exhausted now that the adrenaline wore off. He yawned. Sehun brushed his hair back.

"It was just a dream, baby," he said. "You're here with me, okay?" 

Junmyeon nodded, sleepy. "It felt real." It felt too real. Junmyeon could still feel Minho's state.

"I know." Sehun sounded sleepy too. Junmyeon could make out his drowsy eyes even in the dark. "But there's nothing to be scared of now. I'm with you."

"Sehunie, you don't have to..." Junmyeon shook his head, nuzzling into Sehun. "Go back to sleep, I'm fine."

"Jun," he said, voice soft, yet stern. Junmyeon bit his lip. "When will you accept that I want to do this?" Sehun asked. "I want to be there for you, okay? Through everything."

He combed through Junmyeon’s hair again and squeezed his ear. 

Junmyeon wasn't sure how to respond. He held his hands close to his chest, fumbling with his fingers. "I want to be there for you, too..."

"I know." Sehun kissed his forehead again. Junmyeon smiled, eyes closed. "Do you need anything? I'll get you a glass of water."

"No...," He wrapped himself around Sehun's arm to keep him lying down. “Please stay.” Sehun chuckled.

"Alright then, baby.” Sehun turned them and hugged him from the back. "You wanna sleep now?"

Junmyeon wasn't sure if he'd be able to make himself sleep again. Despite that, he nodded. He tried to distract himself by listening to Sehun's breathing, but his thoughts kept going back to his dream. And Minho. And how he wasn't able to save him, not even in his dreams.

He dug through his shirt and took his necklace out. Just a simple, silver tag. Minho loved it, though. So Junmyeon kept it. 

In the end, he did fall asleep. The exhaustion got to him. Thankfully, his dream was nothing like the first – at least, he didn't remember it. 

III

_Baekhyun woke up._

_Opened his eyes to see his ceiling. Just like any other day. He looked at the clock. It was six in the morning. He could sleep some more._

_But when he blinked, it showed eleven already. He was confused, but figured he'd just dozed off very quickly._

_He got up and opened his bedroom door. Something was off, though. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. His head was pounding, though. It could've been that._

_When he took a few steps, he began to feel dizzy. He stopped to regain composure, but his head just kept spinning more and more, and his vision was going black. Fuck. He was going to pass out. He could feel it. He could–_

_Baekhyun woke up. He exhaled. So, he dreamt he'd woken up. That stuff could happen._

_He got up, not giving it another thought. It was just a dream. He decided to continue on with his routine. He'd go into the kitchen, make coffee, and drink some booze on the side. Jongin wasn't there to nag him, after all._

_But when he opened the bedroom door, he woke up. Again._

_That was strange. Baekhyun had never dreamt inside of a dream. Let alone done it twice. First time for everything, he thought._

_He got up, hoping that was the last of it. He really needed his morning dose of alcohol._

_He opened the bedroom door, and woke up again._

_Now, it was starting to become annoying. How many of the same dreams could he even dream up? He figured that one was a dream as well – the edges of his vision were all fuzzy. So, instead of opening the door and waking up inside of another dream, he'd stay in bed. And... Do something else. He wasn't sure what._

_Maybe going back to sleep would wake him up for real. He tried it._

_It didn't work._

_Baekhyun was beginning to freak out. There weren't many options he had. And he stopped finding this thing amusing some time ago – he'd lost count of how many times he'd falsely woken up. Now, he was wondering if he could even wake up for real at all._

_He got up and put his hand on the doorknob. Maybe, if he pulled it slowly... He kept his eyes open the entire time, not even blinking. Who knew what triggered the waking up?_

_He sighed when he saw his living room. Good God. At least something new._

_Baekhyun took one step. Then another. And when he figured it was safe, he began to walk freely._

_Still, considering that it was a dream, Baekhyun didn't want to stay there. Maybe, if he focused real hard, he could wake up. He did progress inside the dream, after all._

_He shut his eyes and kept repeating, "Wake up, wake up, wake up."_

_And then he did wake up. Stared up at his ceiling, glad that it was over. Stepped outside the living room without any problems._

_For some reason, he was still a bit suspicious. Something was strange. And instead of heading to the kitchen, Baekhyun went to the front door and opened it._

_When he stepped outside it, he was back in his living room._

_Fuck. So, he was still asleep. For how much longer, he wondered. It felt like an eternity already._

_He turned around to go back, but the door was gone. Fine. He'd just go out the other front door. Which led to the same living room._

_And so did the next few doors. Baekhyun wasn't sure through how many doors he went through, and they all led to the same place. Even the bedroom door. And the bathroom door. Every single one._

_It was infuriating, to say the least. Baekhyun was no longer even waking up in a dream. He was just there. In that single dream. And he felt something that bordered on fear. He wasn't actually afraid, of course. Just irritated. He wanted to wake up._

_But, he simply wasn't._

_He gave up on going through doors. He just stood in place. Nothing would happen either way._

_There was one place he didn't check. The kitchen. Maybe his brain recreated his alcohol shelf. That'd be something worth checking out._

_He headed there. And on the way, his head started to feel heavy. And so did his eyelids. Damn it, it was too hard to continue walking. He leaned onto the table. His vision began to go dark. He was dizzy. He shut his eyes._

Baekhyun woke up, for real that time. It was the middle of the night. He just stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavily. "Fuck," he whispered. He was shaking. "What the _fuck_?"

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. That was so messed up. He wasn't sure how he knew he wasn't in another dream, but he sure did feel different. It wasn't the dreamy feel that everyone knew, but could never tell it while they were actually dreaming. Only after waking up.

Just to test his theory, Baekhyun attempted to walk out the bedroom. It worked. He looked around himself, in the dark.

Next was the front door. He opened it, slowly, as if he was afraid of what might be waiting for him outside. 

It was just the outside. The normal outside. He closed the door.

Baekhyun sighed. He didn't have the energy to process his dream. (Dreams?) He went to the kitchen, trying not to think about it. Turned on autopilot while he climbed up the counter to get to the drinks. Now, what was he in the mood for that night? Some Smirnoff. Did they even have any Smirnoff left, Baekhyun wondered, while he dug through the cabinet in the dark. His hand knew the bottles well enough.

It wrapped itself around a familiar shape. Ah. There it was. Baekhyun jumped down, satisfied. Almost half a bottle. Not bad at all.

He went to sit in the living room. He wasn't exactly keen on going back to sleep. His dream still bothered him. It was quite the uncomfortable experience, and one he didn't want to risk going through so soon again. (He remembered the eerie feeling of being eternally stuck somewhere, and that was when he took the first sip.)

He turned the TV on. It was the news channel. Baekhyun stared at the screen, squinting at the blue light. He wasn't even processing what the news reporter was saying. She was just there to look pretty and keep him company.

The clock on the TV read 3:12 a.m. Baekhyun tilted his head. _Huh._ How odd, he thought. Wasn't that the exact time that...

He sighed, cutting his thoughts off. It was not a good time to think about Minho. He rubbed his face with his hands. His throat was itching for another sip, but he knew that if he went at it too quickly, he'd get drunk in no time. He had at least that much self control.

He started flipping through the channels. Movie. Commercial. Movie. A cartoon. The news again. Another commercial. He was quickly growing tired.

And then, he stopped at a channel showing a moto race. Most likely a rerun – it seemed to be a few years old. Four years old, if the year on the banners was anything to go by. Baekhyun's eyes accidentally caught the name of one of the racers – Kim Jongdae – so, he decided to leave it. Just to check him out.

Jongdae was in fifth place. Drove under the number '21'. How unpleasant. Baekhyun didn't like numbers larger than nine. Single digits just looked better. Though twenty-one was, truthfully, far better than Chanyeol's number. Sixty-one. Who'd even come up with that? What sense could it possibly make? Baekhyun couldn't figure it out. Neither did he want to. It was too stupid. 

Baekhyun watched as Jongdae was tailing behind three other racers. They were all pretty close to each other. The volume on the TV was low, but Baekhyun could make out the commentators talking about a 'rookie' and how that was his first championship. He quickly figured they were talking about Jongdae.

They were nearing a curve. Baekhyun was watching with a scowl as Jongdae drove on the outside of the curve, rather than the inside like the other three, and in one swift movement, he surpassed them all. Lucky strike, Baekhyun thought. How much could he keep that advantage, he wondered.

A pretty long time, it appeared. Jongdae managed to get far from the rest, quickly nearing the first place. (Baekhyun didn't recognise any name apart from Jongdae's – maybe he should've paid more attention when Junmyeon was lecturing them?)

And in the last lap, when Baekhyun was sure that there was no way Jongdae would win, just a few seconds before the finish line – the first racer must have made a mistake and left an opening, because Jongdae didn't hesitate to take the opportunity and sweep to victory. It all happened so quickly, Baekhyun had barely noticed. 

The crowds, the commentator, everybody lost it. The camera went to the SM pitstop, where they were all celebrating and hugging each other. Turns out he was their only racer that qualified for the championship. _Right._ He remembered them going through a rough patch that year. To think they were driving with just a rookie. Who managed to the cup. Jongdae really saved their asses.

After a few more shots, the inauguration of the winner, it was time for the interviews. Everybody was rushing towards the victor. Of course, Baekhyun thought. It was almost unimaginable to think that a first-timer from a struggling team won the championship. Quite worthy of headlines. Baekhyun felt a little bit of jealousy.

_"What do you think separates you from the other racers?"_

"Ah," Jongdae gasped. "That's a pretty tricky question. Give me a minute, gotta make sure you can't twist my words!" Both him and the interviewer laughed. Baekhyun didn't like how comfortable and friendly Jongdae was on camera. It must've been an act.

"So, I do think everyone's real talented, y'know," he said. It was the first time Baekhyun had actually seen his face. What a shame. He was pretty. "But, I think... I think my motivation for winning lies somewhere else. Y'know, I don't want to win for myself. I do it to entertain the audience. That's really my priority."

_"Ah, yes, we've noticed! The crowd loves the twists you put to these races!"_

Jongdae smiled. "Yeah... I mean, winning feels great too! Fuck, I'm so happy– Shit, can I curse on live TV?" He laughed, covering his mouth and apologising. He was all smiles and sunshine. Baekhyun rolled his eyes. That was probably when he became the country's sweetheart. 

"What was I saying... Oh, right! Winning... Yeah, it feels great by itself. But, it feels better when everybody's on the edge of their seats. That's what really marks my victory."

And that was as much as Baekhyun wanted to watch. He switched the channel, already sick of Jongdae's face. And he'd be seeing it in four days – what a fucking drag. Baekhyun hoped that one race was the first and last they'd be seeing each other. 

He fell asleep on the sofa. The TV was on until the morning, the bottle of vodka ended up tipped over on the floor. Baekhyun woke up with pain in his back, and his head. 

And, he was still alone. Not that he cared, though. He'd been alone all his life, and he could stay alone for the rest of it.

But, when he checked his phone and saw a text from Jongin – _'sorry i wasn't home tonight, fell asleep @ taems. hope u slept well, be there soon!'_ – Baekhyun would've been lying if he said it didn't warm his cold little heart.

And then, when he got a subsequent _'ps i hope the dishes are washed...'_ , he jumped up. _Shit._ The dishes. At least his morning would be filled with some activities. He'd find an aspirin for his headache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regularly scheduled self indulgent note ahead! 
> 
> a thought / rant dump, as always.
> 
> i don't know how well i managed, but this was intended to show how hard it is for junmyeon to let go, and how lonely and stuck in his own head baekhyun is... the dreams were better in my head 
> 
> also a bit of backstory and ooh more about jongdae :o im gonna love writing jongdae i think.. he's baby.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big race, and the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey x_x
> 
> sorry for the wait ;(

A headache.

That was what Park Chanyeol was. A headache. A pain in the neck. Worse than any hangover Baekhyun had ever gone through. (Including the one on the morning after his twenty-second birthday. That night was completely wiped from his memory – though there was a vague memory of him throwing up in one of those high-ground trains.)

Said headache-inducing Chanyeol stood in Baekhyun's living room, like the giant pest that he was. Baekhyun was next to the door, antsy and irritated, eager to head out as fast as possible. He didn't want Chanyeol looking through his stuff much longer. He observed, intently, as Chanyeol scanned the walls, and shelves, and for a second there Baekhyun was grateful that Jongin was so hard on him when it came to tidying up their place. That way Chanyeol couldn't judge him for being messy, or disorganised, or anything of the sort.

But, still. He didn't want Chanyeol there.

What the _hell_ was taking Jongin so long?

"Jongin!" Baekhyun yelled, not hiding his annoyance. "Did you find the fucking hat?"

"Well if you didn't put stuff in places they didn't belong, I'd find them faster!"

Of course it was Baekhyun's fault. But if Jongin didn't like the way Baekhyun organised stuff, maybe he should've done it instead.

They were supposed to be on their way to the stadium, where they would race the next day. Just to check it out, get a feeling of it. Jongin though, as soon as they got to the car, thought to bring a hat. To protect against the sun, he claimed, but Baekhyun knew that the real reason was Jongin going through a bad hair day. Since Baekhyun had the keys, he went upstairs as well. As did Chanyeol, so Sehun and Junmyeon could have more alone time. Baekhyun cringed. Junmyeon _did_ have three years worth of catching up to do, after all.

"Whose baby photo is that?" Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun didn't even have to look to know. "Jongin's."

"Oh. He was so cute. Do you have any?"

"No," he said. Baekhyun didn't have many baby photos – there wasn't exactly anyone to take those photos of him. There were about two, but Baekhyun didn't look at them much.

"Shame," Chanyeol said. He brushed his curly hair out of his face. He had circular glasses on. He looked like a nerd. "I wanted to see what you looked like. Bet you didn't change much."

Baekhyun wasn't sure how to react to that. Chanyeol followed his comment up by smiling at him. Like an idiot. Showing off his dimple. What a headache... 

Baekhyun raised his chin. "Jongin doesn't like it when people step inside the apartment with their shoes on," he said. Chanyeol looked down at his shoes, then their soles. "So, you might want to stand near the doorway."

Chanyeol looked up, at Baekhyun, and started to walk towards him. Baekhyun didn't like the glimmer in his eyes. He leaned on the wall, right next to Baekhyun, and crossed his arms.

"Byun, if you wanted me to stand close to you, you could've said so directly." He smiled again, eyeing Baekhyun down. Baekhyun blushed. That most definitely wasn't his intention. He hated it when Chanyeol did things like that. He knew just how to push Baekhyun's buttons.

"Shut up," he settled on saying. Stupid Chanyeol.

Jongin ran through the room, just in the right time. Baekhyun could see Chanyeol preparing to say something else. "Alright, found it!" Jongin was wearing a wide smile, as well as a new shirt. It matched his hat better. Baekhyun let out a sigh of relief and side-eyed Chanyeol. Ah, whatever. Baekhyun wouldn't comment further. That way they'd get going more quickly.

When they got down, Junmyeon was waiting in front of the car. It wasn't his – it was Sehun's. It was low, lean, and black, the metallic kind. Very modern, very cool. So much that Baekhyun didn't mind sitting inside. "Come on, we were supposed to leave fifteen minutes ago," Junmyeon complained. Hands on hips, as always. (His hair was a bit ruffled. Baekhyun could tell him and Sehun weren't bored the entire time.) Baekhyun narrowed his eyes at him. Always in a hurry, that one. 

"There's not even a set time for us to be there," he said. Junmyeon clicked his tongue, but got into the car without saying anything else.

Jongin opened the back door and got inside, Baekhyun after him. He'd be sitting in the middle, since he was, apparently, the shortest. It was a slight blow to his ego.

And Baekhyun probably would have been fine with sitting in the middle seat if it didn't mean he'd have to be squeezed next to Chanyeol. He even tried bargaining for Jongin's seat, but Jongin never gave up a window seat. Ever.

"Put the seatbelt on, Baek," Junmyeon said as Sehun was starting up the car. Baekhyun muttered a comment on how bossy he was, but took the seatbelt anyway – as did Chanyeol, and they somehow managed to get to the buckle at the same time. Baekhyun flinched when the backs of their hands brushed. Both of them paused and retracted their hands slightly.

Chanyeol chuckled. "You go first." Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

The rest of the ride was smooth, accompanied by a pop song playing on the radio. Junmyeon was singing along quietly. Baekhyun spent the entire time trying not to brush legs with Chanyeol, but he was so huge that it was bound to happen at some point. What a bother, truly. Baekhyun settled on ignoring him, and hoped the ride ended soon.

It wasn't as bad as it was in Junmyeon's car. The ride was less bumpy, the seats were more comfortable. His seatbelt wasn't cutting into his neck. It was actually pretty enjoyable.

The scenery outside was nicer, too. Baekhyun couldn't see much through Jongin's window, as he was leaned onto it and looking down on his phone, texting somebody. Taemin, most likely, though it could've very well been Jennie, or Wonshik, or whatever other friend Jongin had. He had a million of them. Baekhyun couldn't imagine ever being as social as him. He could barely tolerate five people. He didn't know how Jongin did that.

And the other window – well, Baekhyun couldn't look through that one either. Not because Chanyeol was blocking the view or anything. It was just... Chanyeol. And Baekhyun couldn't have him in his peripheral vision for too long before flipping out. The one time he did properly look his way, Baekhyun noticed how Chanyeol's glasses were close to falling off his nose.

Chanyeol looked his way. Baekhyun panicked and looked straight ahead. That wasn't supposed to be an interaction.

"You think the others will be there?" Jongin asked. "The pro racers, I mean. Think we'll meet them before the actual race?"

Junmyeon, interrupted mid-song, answered, "Some of them, probably. After all of the talk about you in the community, I assume some would be interested in meeting you."

"Damn it," Baekhyun said. Chanyeol chuckled next to him.

"What's with him?" he asked.

Jongin answered, staring at his phone, "He hates that Jongdae guy. Couldn't shut up about it all day." 

Chanyeol looked down. Baekhyun could feel his stare on the side of his cheek. "You didn't even meet the guy, Baekhyun."

"Oh, that's nothing," Jongin took the conversation over again. He looked at Chanyeol, over Baekhyun's head. Well now, he wasn't that short, he thought. "If only you knew the stuff he said about you two before he even knew your names."

Chanyeol quirked an eyebrow. Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. 

"Yeah, well, my judgement proved correct." Junmyeon gave him a look through the rearview mirror. Baekhyun lowered himself in his seat more. "I mean... Not with Sehun?" He tried to see if excluding him would get him less scolding. Junmyeon shook his head. _Oh, whatever._

Chanyeol laughed. Then he added, "Well, I hope Irene is there." He seemed excited, smiling and moving in his seat like a little child. He bumped their arms together. Baekhyun scoffed. Why did Chanyeol even like her so much? He rolled his eyes.

"Baekhyun," Sehun then voiced himself, for the first time since the trip started. They looked at each other in the rearview mirror. There was something in Sehun's eyes that Baekhyun didn't like – something mischievous. "You do know that Irene is a lesbian, right? So you don't have to be jealous of her. Chanyeol doesn't even have a chance."

It took a second for Baekhyun to process what Sehun had actually meant. Jongin burst out laughing next to him. Junmyeon playfully shoved Sehun. Baekhyun took in a deep breath and pressed his limbs closer to himself, so they were barely touching Chanyeol anymore.

"I wasn't–" Baekhyun _wasn't_ jealous. He just had an issue with everything Chanyeol said. It wasn't that hard of a concept to grasp. How dare Sehun imply otherwise, really? "Jun, tell your boyfriend to shut up."

Baekhyun crossed his arms, ready to spend the rest of the day grumpy. Jongin was snickering at a text message he got, and hurriedly typed out a response. Junmyeon continued to hum along to songs, and Sehun smiled every time his voice got loud enough to be audible. Chanyeol didn't really say anything, which was weird, because he somehow always had something to say.

The Silver Stadium was located about two hours away from the city. An architectural masterpiece it was dubbed, praised by many, but Baekhyun didn't really understand it. It was just a giant gray half-circle from the distance, with sponsored banners on the side, and tall, bright lights everywhere around. It was ugly, Baekhyun thought. There was nothing about it he liked. Not one thing. It was the perfect example of how something thrilling and exciting like racing could become dulled down and commercialised, drained of all the life and joy it used to have and share. How it made no sense anymore. All because of greed and large corporations. He felt more sick the closer they got.

They parked the car in the parking lot just underneath the stadium. It was gigantic, but of course, empty now that there was no race. Sehun's was probably the only car in there.

"Sehunie, just park wherever," Junmyeon whined. He turned his head to look at Sehun.

.  
"I wanna park close to the entrance, baby," Sehun said, probably a bit unaware that there was an audience behind them. Baekhyun cringed. Nicknames...

When they finally parked, Baekhyun made sure to go out through Jongin's door.

They made their way to the track. They wouldn't be driving on them that day, which was a little unfair, but at least they wouldn't be going in blind. Baekhyun was well aware of how the Association was trying to sabotage them. He was prepared.

The track was wider than the city streets. Baekhyun stood in the middle, hands in his pockets. He took a few steps forward, in an attempt to get a feel of the road. It wasn't ideal, but Baekhyun knew roads well in general. He hopped in place. It felt like the roads in the northern centre of the city – the richer one, so obviously everything would be of more quality. He closed his eyes, remembering the best way to drive on it.

The first thing he noticed was how artificial the light felt. Too white, too bright. He looked up at the closed roof. The stadium was large, yet it still felt claustrophobic.

Then he looked at the bleachers. He couldn't fathom their number. They gave off an eerie feeling – empty, but he still felt so seen.

And last, Baekhyun looked straight ahead. At the road he'd be driving. Junmyeon had them research it before getting there – watch races, analyse maps. Sure, in theory he had it down, but real life was different. He hoped his intuition was good enough to manage.

The five of them weren't alone. The workers were there, and Taemin joined them in the meantime. And then there were the other racers – the professionals. The only racers that were deemed as real by the Association. Huddled together, throwing their looks at him. Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. He didn't recognise any of them. 

Baekhyun heard some chatter more near him. All sounds echoed in such a large space, bouncing off the giant walls, traveling towards the centre. He turned to see Chanyeol conversing with someone new – though upon closer inspection, it wasn't someone Baekhyun didn't know about.

Kim Jongdae, with a curl on his lips and his hair, stood straight and laughed loudly at whatever it was Chanyeol had said. Jongdae and Chanyeol. Together. Baekhyun couldn't believe that the universe could play such a cruel trick. Talk about a headache...

And Baekhyun probably shouldn't have stared so much, because Jongdae quickly noticed him. His eyes lit up and he waved enthusiastically. Chanyeol turned around as well. Baekhyun tried pretending like he wasn't looking at them, but it was too late. The two were making their way towards him. Jongdae had a light skip to his step, as if he was exited to meet him.

"Byun Baekhyun!" His voice sounded even more irritating in real life. So loud, and so clear. Jongdae stopped right in front of him while Chanyeol was still lazily strolling in their direction. "I'm Kim Jongdae!"

Jongdae held his hand out. Baekhyun stared down at it. He scrunched his nose up and unwillingly took his hand out of his pocket to shake it. Jongdae's grip wasn't tight, but the shake was pretty hectic. 

"I watched you race a few weeks back," he continued, leaving Baekhyun no room to speak himself. But it wasn't like he wanted to. "You're fun to watch. I like your style."

"Thanks," Baekhyun said, rather carefully. He narrowed his eyes.

Jongdae, with the same smile on his face, looked back at Chanyeol and hurried him up with his hand. "Chanyeol is cool too. Are you two friends?"

"No," he deadpanned, just as Chanyeol arrived. He shot him a short glare. Chanyeol chuckled.

"Jongdae wanted to give us a tour of the stadium," he said, and Baekhyun strained every last muscle in his body to stop himself from rolling his eyes – again. Tour of the stadium... How silly. Chanyeol surprised him by patting his back. Baekhyun tensed up. "What do you say? Should I call the others?"

"Oh, please do!" Jongdae insisted by nodding his head. "It's more fun in a large group!" Baekhyun gave him a fake smile, but it must've gone over his head. Then someone called out for Jongdae, and his shoulders fell. A deep, serious voice. Jongdae groaned.

He pointed behind him with his thumb. "I just have to deal with my manager," he said, already skipping away. "I'll be back!" _Please don’t,_ he thought.

After he was a safe distance away, Baekhyun spoke up, "Does he ever stop yelling?"

Chanyeol smiled fondly. "He's just a kid. He's excited." Baekhyun looked up at him. Chanyeol was looking at Jongdae, who was speaking with a big, older looking guy. He licked his lips. Baekhyun dragged his own gaze away.

"Thought he was our age," he commented, and the thought of Jongdae being younger than them caused him to feel... Odd. Maybe even a little jealous.

Chanyeol shook his head. "Nah. He's, what, twenty-three? That's four years younger." _Five_ , Baekhyun thought, but that was even worse. Now both Jongdae and Chanyeol were younger than him. He wasn't sure why that was such an issue to him. "That's a lot in these years." Baekhyun just hummed in response.

Junmyeon and Sehun appeared out of nowhere, accompanied by Jongin and Taemin. Sehun had his arm around Junmyeon's shoulder, just casually, while Junmyeon was sipping coffee through a straw. Jongin was looking around himself.

"You guys having fun?" Junmyeon asked, lips around the straw. It hit Baekhyun again how cute he was. How unfair. He was supposed to he angry at Junmyeon for dragging him to that place. Baekhyun shrugged.

"Yeah, and you won't believe who's Baekhyun's biggest fan," Chanyeol said, patting Baekhyun's shoulder. Touching him, again. Baekhyun pulled away. Junmyeon raised an eyebrow.

"No one mentioned anything about being a fan," Baekhyun said, brushing his shoulder. 

"On the contrary," Chanyeol corrected him, "it seems like Jongdae likes him a lot." Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows at Chanyeol, to which Chanyeol only grinned. "He was rooting for you to win, actually."

Baekhyun crossed his arms. "Whatever."

"Isn't that a turn of events," Sehun commented, and Junmyeon giggled, pressing himself closer to him. "Jongin, you have competition here."

Jongin blinked in surprise. "Huh?"

Taemin put a hand on his arm. "Is everything okay? You've been very scattered lately."

Jongin just nodded. "Yeah." Taemin didn't seem convinced, but he didn't pester him any further either. Baekhyun glanced between the two of them. Something was off, but he wasn't sure what. Him and Junmyeon looked at each other at the same time. They seemed to have been thinking the same thing. Jongin never kept secrets, so that was odd.

Jongdae all but ran towards them. "I have half an hour," he said, trying to cover up his heavy breathing with a laugh. He shrugged. "But I can make it an hour easily."

Baekhyun shivered. An hour with Jongdae. What had he done that was so wrong to deserve that? (He could think of a few things, actually.)

He first took them to the bleachers, so they could "appreciate the view". On the way up there, they stumbled upon a bunch of closed shops set up there by the sponsors – mostly sporting equipment, some clothing outlets, kitchen tools. It was weird, how it was basically a small shopping centre on the inside. Sort of beat the purpose of going there to see the race. What were they racing for, anyway, Baekhyun wondered. So big corporations could exploit people during the moments they're the most excited? He felt sick, having to contribute to such a thing.

"If you're thirsty or hungry, there's vending machines everywhere," Jongdae explained, walking in front of them across the white floor. And inside white walls. They couldn't have made the place more dull. Baekhyun was uncomfortable. "This place is much more lively when it's open, though. Especially before races." He sounded a bit sad that they all had to miss that. Baekhyun wasn't.

"When did you start racing?" Chanyeol asked after a few moments of awkward silence. Of course he had to speak.

Jongdae slowed down so the others could catch up to him. He was right in the middle of Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He hummed.

"Eighteen? Yeah, my first official race was at eighteen," he answered. "But I spent years before that training and preparing myself for my debut as a professional racer." Chanyeol nodded. Jongdae continued, more enthusiastic this time, "Y'know, if you told twelve year old me that I'd be a professional racer under the best company, I wouldn't believe you."

Baekhyun scoffed at that comment. Best company. He'd heard about all the rules the racers under SM Motors had to follow. Their tight schedules, and fake personalities they had to keep up in front of the cameras or else they'd be dropped. Poor Jongdae was brainwashed if he genuinely believed them.

Junmyeon nudged him with his arm. "Get your hands out of your pockets, it's rude." Baekhyun glared at him and stuffed them inside even further. Now that they were around someone famous, Junmyeon wanted them all on their best behaviour. And to that Baekhyuns said, no fucking way.

"Hey, if you guys race well tomorrow," Jongdae said, hopping in place, "Maybe they'd take you too!"

Baekhyun didn't think to show how unimpressed he was. "No, thanks."

Jongdae frowned. "They already have their eyes on you. Especially you two," he said, talking about Chanyeol and Baekhyun. "You guys are so popular now! Ever since the national broadcast!"

And though fame was what Baekhyun was aiming for, he didn't want to be famous for finishing second. "Cool." He started to feel a little bad for Jongdae. He'd been with SM as an ambitious and impressionable boy – and no one should think his style of life was normal.

They finally arrived at the entrance to the bleachers. "These are the best ones – you see most of the track." 

"How many people can these fit?" Junmyeon asked.

"A hundred thousand? Something like that," Jongdae said, nonchalantly. That was _insane_. It crossed Baekhyun's mind how, knowing a hundred thousand people was virtually impossible, but he could be known by all of those people – and even more. He suddenly felt like his existence wasn't his own anymore.

Baekhyun looked down on the track. It seemed so small from up there. One would barely be able to differentiate the racers between each other. 

Jongdae clasped his hands together. "We should take a photo together!" Baekhyun pushed himself away from the edge and groaned. Jongdae motioned for someone behind them to come. Baekhyun hadn't even noticed anyone else with them. What a horrifying revelation.

"Mr. Yang can take the photo," he said. Baekhyun moved to where the others were. Maybe Jongin was right to have dressed nice. He felt too unpresentable to take a photo.

He first stood between Jongdae and Sehun. But while they were getting into position, Sehun quickly ran towards where Junmyeon was. Of course they'd want to take a photo together. 

Mr. Yang took one photo. Baekhyun blinked from surprise. Who used flash in daylight? He felt a hand on his shoulder. Another photo. And then they were scattering away. Baekhyun followed.

Jongin and Taemin were the first to look at the photos. Jongin shoved the phone in Baekhyun's face.

"Baek, look, you're actually smiling in this one," he said, and Baekhyun had to swat his hand away from his face. Taemin got up on his tiptoes to whisper something into Jongin's ear through a giggle, and Jongin laughed back. "Oh, you're right!"

Baekhyun gave them a confused look, but neither elaborated. He finally looked at the photos. He’d blinked on the first one – stupid flash. He scrolled to the next one, where he indeed... Wasn't frowning, at least. He wasn't sure that would qualify as a smile for any person other than him. Chanyeol was the other person next to him in the photo, with one hand on his shoulder and the other doing a peace sign. Great. The only thing worse than being squeezed next to Chanyeol in the car was being squeezed in between Chanyeol and Jongdae on a photo.

"I look so single in these photos," Jongdae commented through a pout. Baekhyun blushed for some reason.

He gave the phone away, shoved it into someone's chest. (Maybe Junmyeon's.) "Well– There's only one couple in there so–"

"What has you so defensive?" Sehun asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling. Baekhyun glared at him. Junmyeon told him to stop, but it was obvious he didn’t mes it.

Mr. Yang coughed, and Jongdae looked at him. Then frowned when he tapped his watch. He turned to the rest. "I have to go now..."

"It was fun having you around," Chanyeol said. Jongdae instantly lit up. He looked at Baekhyun.

"Really?" he asked, hopeful. Baekhyun, uncomfortable with the sudden attention, stuttered. Junmyeon gave him the same look as he did back in the car. He averted his eyes to Jongdae.

He carefully said, "Yes," and watched as Jongdae smiled again and Junmyeon gave an approving nod. Well, finally he got something right.

"Okay!" Jongdae said, loudly as always, and as he was leaving, he shouted, "See you tomorrow!"

_You'll see me right in front of you,_ Baekhyun thought.

———

Baekhyun could hear the crowd even before he went out on the race track.

They put him into some white jumpsuit – all five of them. Maybe because they didn't race under any company. Jongdae and Irene wore pink. At least he still had his bike.

Jongin was standing next to him. Eyes fixed on the floor, all fidgety and nervous. Baekhyun put a hand on his back. Jongin looked up at him. Baekhyun wasn't sure how to comfort him. He just nodded and gave him a smile. Jongin smiled back. 

Baekhyun felt nervous as well. It might've been the crowd he wasn't used to. Or the unknown road he'd be driving on. Or, perhaps it was the other racers around him, the ones he had to prove himself to. He could feel their stares on himself – he felt too seen. This wasn't where he was best, so he couldn't wait to finally sit on his bike.

His Meongie. Parked on the track. All alone. He couldn't wait to get to her.

He'd be starting from the seventeenth place. Out of twenty. It might've been a downer to someone else, since only the top three would get to pass, but Baekhyun was sure he'd be able to make it. 

"Hey Byun," a deep voice called out from behind. Baekhyun turned to see Chanyeol. The jumpsuit was a little short on him. It was funny.

"Hey," Baekhyun replied. Chanyeol widened his eyes.

"No snarky response this time?" He chuckled. "Just a hey?"

"I can always come up with one if you really want to," he said, and Chanyeol laughed. He shook the hair out of his eyes. "But I thought I'd be nice today."

"Thanks," Chanyeol said, narrowing his eyes but still smiling. Baekhyun rolled his eyes and turned around. Despite that, Chanyeol continued, "Are you nervous?"

"No," Baekhyun lied. Chanyeol hummed.

"I am," he said, and Baekhyun wanted to say how he didn't care, but couldn't bring himself to. "I keep thinking about how this is our one and only chance, you know?"

Baekhyun hadn't thought of it that way. He'd treated it like any other race. But it really wasn't. This was the most important race of his life to date. Suddenly he was more nervous than before. He shouldn't have been nice to Chanyeol. 

"Can I say something?" Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun turned around to look at him again. "You've been saying things for some time now." Chanyeol laughed again, but Baekhyun didn't think it was that funny.

He shook his head. "Honestly, I don't doubt that you'll make it."

Baekhyun didn't expect that. He looked away. "Thanks..." Then he shot Chanyeol a final glance before turning around again. His gut was telling him to say something else, but he wasn't sure what. He spoke without thinking. "You'll do good too."

"Thanks, Byun," he said. Baekhyun didn't know how he felt about Chanyeol referring to him by his last name. He wasn't used to people using it. It felt weird. Foreign. He wasn't sure if it was really his, if he got it from his parents or not. "We might race against each other out there, but here, our only rivals are those guys."

Baekhyun thought about what Chanyeol said. He had a point. As much as he didn't like him, they should try to race with the others and help each other as much as they could. The Association would be embarrassed enough if one of them qualified – but two, or three of them? That was something Baekhyun would’ve liked to participate in.

"It's almost time!" someone shouted, and everyone quickly gathered to their places. They were given ear monitors – probably to talk with their teams. Junmyeon would be on the other side of their line. Baekhyun wasn't looking forward to listening to Junmyeon's nagging while racing as well. 

The racers go out in the order of which they're places. Baekhyun was behind Chanyeol, since he'd finished second to him. Jongdae was in first place. Baekhyun felt like he had to snatch it away from the both of them.

The familiar artificial light blinded him upon entering the stadium. Instantly, the crowd became even louder, deafening him. He felt disoriented, barely finding his own spot. He looked at the crowd and felt an unknown feeling spread in his chest. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. The bleachers were definitely less scary when they were empty.

Chanyeol put a hand on his shoulder. They locked eyes and Chanyeol nodded, eyes determined and stare serious. Baekhyun felt like he'd woken up. He remembered their plan. Beat the others. Put shame to the Association. Prove them all wrong.

Sitting on Meong grounded him more than anything else. He put his helmet on and waited for the race to start. Half a minute. He adjusted his grip on the handles. Started the engine. Prepared himself. Breathed in. Counted to three. Cleared his mind of every thought but one – win.

And as soon as the gunshot was fired, he took off.

Passing the first few was a breeze. Baekhyun found the way they handled their velocity sloppy, and their curving was average at best. He'd expected more. 

_Baekhyun, try shaking off the two behind you ,"_ Junmyeon spoke through the earpiece. Baekhyun clicked his tongue. _"At the next curve try going the longer route."_

"I know, I was thinking that," Baekhyun said. He curved, leaning down the way he always did and gaining enough speed to make the distance between him and the other racers wider.

_"Just trying to help,"_ Junmyeon said, then turned off his mic. It was better that way. The only sound Baekhyun needed to concentrate on was the one his engine was making.

He was seventh by the time the second lap ended. Ten more to go. If he continued with that tempo, he'd manage to get to the first position, and keep it. 

The three racers in front of him were battling between each other, driving close together by the inner route. They left him a ton of open space. Junmyeon tuned in to tell him to take the outer route, but Baekhyun didn't listen – he went with the middle. He barely escaped collision with one vehicle, but he surpassed them all. He heard the crowd cheer on. (As well as Junmyeon's disapproving 'tsk'.)

_"Stop getting so close to the others,"_ Junmyeon scolded him after he'd passed to the third place. 

"How else am I supposed to pass them?" Baekhyun spoke back. Junmyeon argued back, but Baekhyun tuned out. He was unnecessary – Baekhyun was the one racing. He knew his bike best.

Something stirred up in his chest once he realised Jongdae was right in front of him. His breath caught in his throat. He tried speeding up more, getting even closer. 

He tried to think about Jongdae as any other racer, and not _the_ Jongdae, but the adrenaline rush he got after finally surpassing him after a tight fight was unmatched. He had the lead now. He was first. Out of all the stuck up brats the Association tried to push as the best of the best – he was first.

Lap number eight. Now all he had to do was keep the lead. Which wasn't too hard, it quickly showed. Baekhyun didn't have a problem with another racer anymore.

_"Good, Baekhyun,"_ Junmyeon said. It was nice to hear approving words for a change. _"Chanyeol's behind you, but this is good. Either one of you–"_

"Me," Baekhyun insisted.

_"Right..."_ Baekhyun could feel his eye-roll. _"But two street racers taking up the first two spots – that's fucking amazing. Just don't mess up."_

"I didn't plan to," he responded.

Chanyeol got dangerously close, though. It eventually stopped being a race between them and the Association, and quickly became a race between just the two of them – since no one else proved to be a match. And with two laps to go, Baekhyun assumed they were both getting bored.

"Fucker," Baekhyun spat out when Chanyeol was milliseconds away from surpassing him. He would not be losing to Chanyeol again. It was tense, with a few position changes, but Baekhyun kept the lead pretty well.

_"Don't fucking race each other, you absolute idiots!"_ Junmyeon yelled. Baekhyun flinched. _"Jongdae's getting close. Please take this seriously."_

"Tell that to that son of a bitch," Baekhyun said. Then he heard Chanyeol laugh.

_"You know I can hear everything too, right Byun? It's not just you here,"_ Chanyeol asked, with the same mocking tone as always. _"Or, don't tell me you're that self-centred."_

"Shut the fuck up," Baekhyun spoke back. "It was fine until you started this."

_"Stop fighting like little children,_ Junmyeon interrupted. Baekhyun brushed off Chanyeol's attempt to surpass him once again. _"Jongdae is close. And it doesn't matter which one of you wins, just stay in the top three._

"Fuck if it doesn't matter," Baekhyun cursed under his chin. The finish line was tens of seconds away. He'd win for sure.

And Jongdae was close – seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. He was right on Chanyeol's trail. But Baekhyun wouldn't let either of them steal his thunder.

_"Baek, take the middle route,"_ Junmyeon said, just before the finish.

"Fuck off with your middle route already!" Baekhyun had had it. Junmyeon didn't understand that Baekhyun didn't need any help to win. He'd basically won already.

_"Just trust me."_

"I race the way I want to," Baekhyun argued. Junmyeon sighed. Baekhyun took the inner route to victory – the way he'd intended – so Chanyeol had no way of passing him.

And he didn't pass him – Chanyeol finished after Baekhyun. But Baekhyun didn't finish first. It was like slow motion, as he watched Jongdae snatch his victory half a second away. And time didn't seem to continue after. Baekhyun slowly realised his mistake, it washed over him like a cold shower. He was distracted by Chanyeol. He didn't trust his teammates.

And he severely underestimated Kim Jongdae.

Baekhyun took his helmet off, and at first couldn't see anything from the lights, both the stadium and the cameras. Junmyeon was saying something through his earpiece – probably how it didn't matter, that he got second place and that was still a great accomplishment. But Baekhyun couldn't help but be angry at himself. He couldn't bring himself to smile. Not even at the fact that the Association failed at its plan. Because, did they really fail if their racer was number one?

He pushed it all back, though. The way he always did. And his anger? He'd let it out some other way. 

He kept a straight face on the podium. Standing on the second spot. And what was a harsh blow was that both Jongdae and Chanyeol stood taller than him – Jongdae in the middle, on his pedestal. And Chanyeol thanks to his height. Baekhyun did his best to straighten his back. 

The cameras made him sick, though. And the interviewers all spoke so quickly, he couldn't grasp the meaning or form a comprehensive answer.

"Did you think you were going to win?" "How do you feel?" "Why did you curse at your team's leader and co-member?" "Are you and Chanyeol on bad terms?" 

"What– I–," Baekhyun said out loud as he was being pushed through the crowd back to the changing rooms. He locked eyes with one reporter – couldn't remember her face, but her question rang in his head for a while after.

"Why did you refuse all help? Do you think you're better than everyone else?"

The flash of a camera startled him. He blinked back the surprised as one of the bodyguards helped him get through the mass of reporters at the exit. 

"Unbelievable," Chanyeol said once they were safe, inside the changing rooms. Baekhyun sat on a chair. Chanyeol turned to Jongdae. "Are they always like this?" 

"There's always a lot of them," he answered. There were other racers in there too – maybe the interviewers were done with them while the three of them got their medals. He looked down on his chest. Silver hung around his neck. It felt like a punishment. "I think they just got too excited this time, since... Well, you guys are new."

Baekhyun zoned out. He gnawed on his bottom lip, bounced his leg. He did always consider himself to be the best. But he never asked himself why. And the more he thought about it, the more evidence he found for the opposite outcome.

"Hey." Jongin, already dressed up, sat down next to him. "You were good out there."

"Of course I was," he said, crossing his arms on his chest. He didn't believe it. "How'd you rank?"

"Tenth," he said, perking up in his chair. If Baekhyun had finished tenth, he wouldn't have been as happy – but for someone like Jongin, it was a big deal. Baekhyun smiled.

He ruffled Jongin's hair. "Good for you, kid." Jongin narrowed his eyes, but his smile didn't falter. They talked some more about how they felt during the race – well, Jongin did. Baekhyun didn't really want to talk, but he listened. He would start listening to people, he decided.

"There's a party later," Jongin said. "Are you coming?"

"I don't know..."

"Come on!" Jongin jumped up. "You qualified for the world championship. You're going to Beijing. Celebrate!"

Baekhyun wasn't convinced, but, "Alright, I'll go."

He finally got up to dress himself into something comfortable. The jumpsuits were too hot. And a little tight. 

"Byun," Chanyeol approached him from the back, startling Baekhyun. He turned around. "Congrats."

"Thanks," he said. Technically, he did do a good job. Both of them qualified, just as planned. It was the outcome they were aiming for, after all. 

"And," Chanyeol seemed to hesitate before continuing, "Sorry for what I said out there."

Baekhyun felt a knot in the back of his throat. He swallowed it. "It's fine. I don't care."

Chanyeol obviously held back some words. He curled his hand in a fist by his side. "You're so fucking difficult." Then he walked off. It didn't make Baekhyun feel good. God damn it. 

"Chanyeol," he called out. Thank god there were no more people there, he thought. He stuttered. "Me... Me too."

Chanyeol tilted his head. "You too what?" He didn't understand.

"I'm... You know," he tried explaining with hand motions. He didn't want to say it. Chanyeol's eyes widened when he finally got it. He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Alright," he laughed. He walked backwards, pointing at Baekhyun. "I got it. We’re good. Baby steps."

"Right."

———

The one good thing about the party were the drinks. Baekhyun was hanging around the bar for the first hour. 

Junmyeon and Sehun went back home a bit before. Junmyeon didn't scold him at all – he was very happy that Baekhyun qualified. And that he'd be going to Beijing. "You'll definitely win there, where it's more important," he'd said, and Baekhyun wanted to believe him.

Baekhyun wasn't sure what he drank, but it cleared his mind of every thought. It was incredible. He stepped away from the bar, decided to talk to some people. 

No one was really interesting enough to keep his attention, so his mind travelled elsewhere. He looked over some girl's shoulder – she was talking about how cool he was during the race, or how she was a big fan, or something of the sort. He saw Chanyeol leaned on the bar, talking to some guy. They were really close and way too touchy. Baekhyun bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't know Chanyeol swung that way.

It was too dark to tell, but it looked like Chanyeol caught his stare. He never stopped talking to the guy in front of him, although him and Baekhyun entered a weird stare off. Chanyeol's lips curled into a one-sided smile, and he averted his gaze to nod at something the guy sad. Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows. 

The girl got more brave, stepped closer, put a hand on his arm as she talked about something entirely unrelated. Baekhyun didn't know if he was having a hard time concentrating because all of the alcohol was starting to hit his head, or if Chanyeol was just that distracting. Baekhyun didn't like the way Chanyeol was staring, as if he didn't care for either of them – acting like he was better than him. Baekhyun felt an urge to assert himself, prove just how much better he actually was. 

He pulled the girl in for a sloppy kiss, his movements uncoordinated and heavy. His head kept spinning, and the dark and flashing lights in the club didn't help at all. But he did his best to keep his eyes open as the girl wrapped her arms around his neck. He tilted his head more so he could get a good look at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol seemed confused, and then proceeded to ignore him. Baekhyun's eyes closed a few times against his will (he felt tired and heavy) and when he finally had them open, Chanyeol was throwing looks at him over the guy's shoulder, hands around his waist and tongue probably deep down his throat. (They really couldn't stop competing, not even off the track.)

Chanyeol's eyes fluttered shut. After a few moments, Baekhyun decided he was bored, and pulled away. He felt gross. "I need a drink," he said, leaving the girl and heading towards the bar.

Chanyeol was alone now. The bartender was near him, so Baekhyun had to go near him as well. Or else he wouldn't have. He leaned over the counter, not sparing Chanyeol a single glance. "Another shot!"

"I think you've had enough alcohol," Chanyeol said when the bartender placed the drink in front of Baekhyun. The liquid inside it was vibrating from how loud the music was.

Baekhyun turned his head away from him. "I think I didn't ask." Chanyeol laughed, obviously sarcastic. Baekhyun went to grab his glass, but Chanyeol snatched it away.

He placed it on the other side. "I'm serious." Baekhyun glared at him, but it was a bit difficult to focus his vision. He pushed himself away from the counter.

"Oh, fuck off," he said and walked away. He wasn't sure where he was going, and he was met with a lot of curses as he was bumping into people, but he had to seem like he'd walked away with intention. He paused when he found himself in front of the exit door. It'd probably be best if he left that place.

He stumbled outside. It was windy and dark, and all he had was a shirt on, but he didn't feel cold. He was warm. And dizzy, and sick, and he had to lean on a nearby wall or else he would've fallen down for sure. He groaned.

"Baekhyun," he heard someone call out to him. It sounded like Chanyeol. He tried to straighten up and walk away again, but he tripped. He would've fallen if Chanyeol hadn't grabbed him.

"Slow down," Chanyeol said, helping him up. Baekhyun stared down at his feet. He felt like he was underwater. "You're drunk."

"Whatever." Baekhyun tried backing away, but fell forward. Chanyeol held onto his shoulders. He gripped Chanyeol's arms. They tensed up. They were so firm. Baekhyun wasn't thinking straight. "Shit, you're hot."

"Um," Chanyeol stuttered. He laughed awkwardly. "You– You're definitely drunk."

"I'll say," Baekhyun said. He started to feel sick. Shit. He hated feeling sick, and this time he was feeling really nauseous. He hated throwing up. He swallowed down whatever came up his throat.

"Let's get you home." Chanyeol took out his phone, holding Baekhyun still with one arm. No fucking way he was that strong. "What's your address?"

"I don't–," he hiccupped, "–need you to take me home." Chanyeol looked down at him, clearly not happy. 

Each time a car passed the street Baekhyun's ears would start ringing more. They really ought to turn the music down in those clubs. Maybe Baekhyun was just getting old...

Under the streetlight, Chanyeol looked more intimidating. Something in the way the light bounced off his face and emphasized his features. Baekhyun shut his eyes. He really was drunk.

"I want to go to Junmyeon's," he whined, still clinging onto Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol typed something into his phone. "You can't go there. Junmyeon and Sehun are probably asleep."

Baekhyun groaned. "They're always together."

Chanyeol paused. "Well... They are dating." Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "Are you... jealous of Sehun?"

"No," he said. Then looked to the side. "A bit. Junmyeon was mine before."

"You know, you both have lives outside each other," Chanyeol said. "He's allowed to be close to other people."

"But then who do I have left?" Baekhyun slurred. His throat was itchy. He felt so, so disgusting. Chanyeol sighed and placed him against a wall. 

"I called a cab. But I'll need your address," he said. Baekhyun crossed his arms and avoided looking at him.

Chanyeol took his jacket off. "Here," he handed it to Baekhyun. Baekhyun shook his head.

"I don't need it."

"Don't be ridiculous," Chanyeol insisted. Baekhyun looked up at him, shuddering. "You're cold."

"I don't feel cold," he argued back. He wasn't sure why he hated agreeing with Chanyeol. 

"Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean you can't get sick," Chanyeol said. He held the jacket open. "Come on." Baekhyun took a step closer to him and let him put the jacket around him. He still had his arms crossed, so Chanyeol could only cover him with it. He felt shy while Chanyeol was adjusting it. 

"There," he said. Baekhyun held the jacket closer with his hands. Chanyeol smiled down at him. "Isn't it better now?" Baekhyun nodded, feeling his face heat up. He felt sick again.

A car stopped near them. Chanyeol looked at it, waved, then looked back at Baekhyun. He put a hand around his waist. "Let's go."

Baekhyun squirmed, and put his hands on Chanyeol's arms. He tried getting away. "What are you doing?"

"I'm... Helping you walk," Chanyeol explained. Baekhyun removed his hands, slowly. They walked over to the cab.

Baekhyun was surprised when Chanyeol entered with him. Chanyeol closed the door and fastened both of their seatbelts. Baekhyun shot him a confused look. "I'm coming with you."

"Why?"

"You're drunk."

"So are you," Baekhyun said, although he wasn't sure if that was true. He had been drinking, but he was probably tipsy at most. 

"Just tell the man your address."

Begrudgingly, Baekhyun compiled.

Chanyeol paid for the ride while Baekhyun waited outside. It was so dark outside. He wasn't sure what time it was. His mind was pretty much blank, other than the thought of how comfortable Chanyeol's jacket was.

"You'll have to open the doors," Chanyeol said. After unsuccessfully fumbling with the keys, Baekhyun gave them to Chanyeol. They entered the building, waited for the elevator. Baekhyun told him what buttons to push, showed him to the apartment. He was still a little dizzy, but he didn't feel as bad as before.

Chanyeol opened the apartment door and sat Baekhyun down on the couch. It took him some time to find all the light switches. Baekhyun just sunk into the couch, wrapping himself up in as much of the jacket as possible. It was soft.

"I'll get you water, wait there," Chanyeol said, a little rushed. Baekhyun wasn't sure why he was in such a hurry. He was fine. Maybe a little sick again. Damn it.

Chanyeol came back with water. "Here." He whispered the entire time, which was very considerate of him. Baekhyun hated it. He helped him drink, since Baekhyun didn't feel like letting go of the jacket just yet.

"I feel sick," he said when Chanyeol put the glass on the coffee table. He looked at him, eyebrows knotted. 

"Should I bring a bucket or get you to the bathroom?" he asked. Baekhyun shook his head. His grip on the jacket tightened. He didn't want to throw up. He wanted the feeling to stop.

"No," he said. He tried remembering what used to help him when he was younger. He needed Minho's stupid fucking juice. But he had no idea what the recipe was. "I'm not gonna throw up."

"Just in case," Chanyeol tried reasoning with him. Baekhyun glared at him, but it failed a little when he hiccupped. Chanyeol straightened up. "I'll be here in a minute. I'll find you something more comfortable to dress in too."

Baekhyun groaned and tried getting up from the couch. Chanyeol pushed him down. "Stay there. Don't do anything stupid, okay?"

Baekhyun slurred something incomprehensible, and Chanyeol left him. He burped and felt vomit come up his throat. Shit. He needed that juice fast. 

His phone was on the kitchen counter. He'd have to get up. He rolled off the couch, still clinging onto the jacket. He managed to get up and walk towards the counter. He grabbed the phone and searched through his contacts. _Minho, Minho..._

When he found the contact, he dialled it. He licked his lips. They were dry.

"Min–"

_"The number you're trying to reach is currently out of service."_

"What?" That was odd. He must've memorised it wrong. Baekhyun tried again, this time typing the number in by himself. He knew it by heart.

He clicked the green button. Put the phone up to his ear.

_"The number you're trying to reach is currently out of service."_

"What the fuck," escaped his mouth. He didn't understand what was going on. What did Minho do with his phone? Where was he?

Junmyeon must've known. In fact, Minho was probably with him. Baekhyun was sure of it. He decided to dial him. He typed in the only other phone number he memorised completely and waited as it rang.

Junmyeon picked up after three rings. He yawned into the speaker. _"Baekhyun, it's two in the morning, what–"_

"Where is he?" he snapped, cutting Junmyeon off. He heard shifting in the background.

_"Where is who?"_

"Is he with you?" Baekhyun asked, leaning on the counter. He slipped and almost fell. He was too dizzy. 

_"Is who...?"_ Junmyeon sounded confused. _"Sehun?"_

"Minho!" Baekhyun was growing tired of Junmyeon's act. He needed Minho. He was feeling so sick. "I need that stupid recipe!"

_"Min..., "_ Junmyeon paused. _"Baek, what are you... I don't–_

"Where is he?" Baekhyun yelled into the phone. "Where the fuck– I need him!" He slid down the counter and bumped into the floor, clutching the phone in his hand. "Where..." he gasped. His eyes stung. "I need– Him, I–"

Chanyeol grabbed the phone out of his hand. "–I need him," he mumbled, looking up at Chanyeol. He was talking into the phone.

"Shit, Junmyeon, sorry, he's drunk, he– No, I'm with him, it's fine just– I'm sorry–"

"Fuck," Baekhyun whispered. He put his head in his hands. It was pounding. He wanted to yell. "Fuck!"

"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol crouched down and put a hand on his shoulder. Baekhyun was shaking. "Hey, hey," he whispered, lifting his head. Baekhyun didn't understand what was going on. Chanyeol seemed just as confused.

"I can't–" he gasped, and Chanyeol moved to his side to hug him. It felt so weird, but Baekhyun was too weak to react appropriately. "I can't do it without him."

"Junmyeon will be up in the morning," Chanyeol tried comforting him, but Junmyeon wasn't who Baekhyun was talking about.

"No," he said, and buried his head in Chanyeol's shoulder. All he needed was one phone call. Just to change that last conversation. It was so unfair.

He felt his stomach churn. It was eating him up inside. Or maybe it was the vomit. He slapped a hand over his mouth.

Chanyeol flinched. "Do you need...?" Baekhyun rapidly shook his head, but it only made him more sick. Chanyeol grabbed the bucket he brought and put it in front of Baekhyun.

"No," he mumbled, trying his best to swallow. 

"Baekhyun, you'll feel better if you just let it go."

And Baekhyun would've argued, if not for the vomit projecting out of his mouth. All while crying at the same time. It felt horrible. Chanyeol was such a liar.

"Aren't you a wreck," he said, rubbing Baekhyun's shoulder. Baekhyun raised his head enough to glare at him.

"I'm well aware."

The whole ordeal didn't last long in reality, but it felt like an eternity. Baekhyun couldn't stop thinking about how pathetic he was – a drunk runner-up, throwing up in the darkness of his home with the last man he wanted to be broken down in front of.

Chanyeol brought him a glass of water. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Baekhyun gulped it down in seconds. 

He pushed the bucket away. It almost fell over. Jongin would've been unpleasantly surprised if that had happened. "It stinks."

Chanyeol chuckled. "Of course it does." He took it to the bathroom while Baekhyun stayed sat on the floor. He looked up at the ceiling. He couldn't control the thoughts coming into his head.

Minho telling him he was going to pick Junmyeon up. Baekhyun shut his eyes, as if that would help chase the thoughts away. He shut them tight, so tight it hurt. He didn't want to remember.

_"Fuck off._

"No," Baekhyun yelped, putting his hands over his eyes. "No..."

Chanyeol came to him again. He helped him up to his feet. "Let's get you to bed, okay?" Baekhyun only had the energy to nod.

Without changing his clothes, he threw himself onto the bed. It wouldn't have been the first time. He wrapped the jacket around himself and curled into a ball. 

"Let's cover you under something that will actually keep you warm," Chanyeol said. Baekhyun whined as he adjusted the cover over him and took his jacket away, putting it on the end of the bed.

He started to walk away from the bed. Baekhyun grabbed his arm. Chanyeol looked down at it. "Stay," he mumbled. Chanyeol tilted his head to the side. He always did that when he was confused. Like a puppy. Or something. "I don't like to sleep alone."

"I'll be in the living room." Chanyeol tried to free himself from his grip, but Baekhyun was too strong. Or, maybe Chanyeol just wasn't fighting it.

"No," he said, trying to pull him closer. "Please?"

Chanyeol hesitated before sliding under the covers himself. He kept moving around. "Stop moving," Baekhyun complained.

"The bed's too small."

"You're just too fucking big," Baekhyun said. Chanyeol scoffed. They were having a hard time finding a comfortable position, but they settled on lying down back to back. Baekhyun had one hand under the pillow, and the other was trailing a pattern on the mattress.

There was a question that was bothering him. Not just that night. Many nights before. Something he'd almost asked Junmyeon, but couldn't bring himself to say out loud. The alcohol was getting to him, though.

"Chanyeol?" he whispered. "Are you awake?" Chanyeol grumbled in response. Baekhyun gulped. He should've brushed his teeth before going to bed.

"Yeah, what's up?" he said. Baekhyun was thankful that they weren't looking at each other.

"Am I a bad person?"

Really, if anyone could answer that question, it was Chanyeol. He felt him turn around in the bed, his shoulder nudging Baekhyun's back. "What?"

Baekhyun regretted it immediately. "Uh, forget it."

"No," Chanyeol said. He put a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder and turned him around. Baekhyun could barely make out how messy his hair was, or how tired he looked. Or how his eyes were big, but pretty. But he did notice. "You're not. I mean, yes, you're an ass, and annoying as shit..."

Baekhyun groaned. Chanyeol laughed lightly. "But," he continued. "You're just... A little messed up. Not bad."

Baekhyun didn't expect that answer. But it was a little reassuring to hear. "Okay," he said. They were still turned towards each other. Chanyeol pressed his lips into a tight smile, the kind you would give to an acquaintance as you were passing them on the street. And then, Baekhyun did something stupid.

He started to lean in. Chanyeol's big eyes widened even more. He put his hand over Baekhyun's mouth. "Woah, Baekhyun, not like this."

Baekhyun, embarrassed and surprised as well, turned his head to the side. "Not– Not ever, more like!" What ever did Chanyeol even mean by _not like this_? Was there a more appropriate way he wanted it to happen? Did that _mean_ he wanted it to happen? 

"I don't want to kiss you!" Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol stuttered. "Yeah, well me– Neither do I!"

"Good!"

"Good!"

And then they turned away from each other to sleep again. Baekhyun huffed. Chanyeol really was just a giant headache.

–––––

Baekhyun's head was pounding when he woke up. He groaned, turning around in bed and realising it was empty. Maybe Chanyeol had left. Thankfully, he left the curtains closed. Baekhyun hated morning light.

He heard some noise coming from the kitchen. If he was making food, Baekhyun would've strangled him. Chanyeol had helped him enough, for whatever reason that was. He didn't want to feel like he owed him any more.

He got up, ready to scold him. He had to stop at the door, though, because he was still pretty dizzy. At least he didn't feel sick anymore. He couldn't remember much from the night before, but he did remember throwing up. He shuddered. Disgusting.

But when he got to the kitchen, it was Jongin instead. Baekhyun was confused. Mostly because Jongin was never home anymore. "Hey," Baekhyun said.

"Hey?" Jongin seemed just as surprised to see him. Baekhyun sat on the table. "I thought you were showering," Jognin said, scrapping the eggs from the pan.

Oh no. Chanyeol didn't leave. "Um," Baekhyun fumbled with his fingers. "Uh, I didn't know you'd be home this early."

"Yeah, I..." Jongin put his plate on the table and looked down at it, a bit sad from what Baekhyun could tell. He chuckled. "I came back to sleep here. I just..."

"Did something happen?" Baekhyun asked. Jongin seemed like he was about to answer, but he just shook his head.

"No, it's fine." He left it at that. Baekhyun didn't continue the conversation.

Midway through the bite, Jongin remembered something. "Wait, if you're here, then who's–"

"Hey, Baekhyun, can I borrow a– Oh, hey Jongin," Chanyeol, greeted them from the bathroom. His hair was still wet, dripping down his shirtless body. Baekhyun chocked. That did not look good for him. "I wanted to know if I could borrow a shirt."

Jongin looked at Chanyeol, then at Baekhyun, then back to Chanyeol again. He raised his eyebrow. "It's not what it looks like!" Baekhyun tried defending himself immediately. Chanyeol chuckled. He passed by the table and patted Baekhyun on the back.

"Technically, you could say we slept together," he said, and Baekhyun put his face in his hands out of shame. Jongin laughed from across the table. He reached for his phone, but then stopped midway and retracted his hand.

"Not like _that_ ," Baekhyun insisted. Chanyeol scrunched his nose at him. Baekhyun wanted to punch him. "Just for that, I won't let you have my shirt."

"I'll give you one of mine," Jongin said. "Because you made my morning."

"And fuck you, too," Baekhyun said. The other two laughed with each other. Baekhyun sat back in his chair, arms crossed. 

He looked at where Jongin was taking Chanyeol. And at the glimpse of his back, he felt his stomach churn. 

He panicked. It was just hunger, he told himself. Just hunger.

He grabbed Jongin's plate and started to eat his barely touched breakfast. Served him right for being so buddy with Chanyeol. He heard laughs coming from Jongin's room. He couldn't wait for Chanyeol to finally leave and for his headache to subside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik i could've done better but it's been a month and I'm writing like 3 and a half things at the same time idk why I do this to myself x__x Yay new lazy record! it's 2 am gn


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